Approximately no one wants to face facts if it's time to break up, because ending a relationships is zero fun for everyone. But sometimes they are necessary, and usually they loom — first faintly, then large — on the horizon for a while, just kind of hanging out. You know the breakup is there, and you know it's probably coming, but you just don't know how or when. And you're not really ready to accept it yet.
Been there. And while I rode that wave long past its crash into the sand, you don't have to. For example, it's time to give your relationship some serious thought if your partner is anything less than 100 percent supportive of you. Or disrespects you. Or interrupts you all the time. Or doesn't like to take your opinion into consideration. Or would rather not have you as their plus-one to events. Or can't seem to follow through on everything. And on and on.
While every relationship works differently, here are some likely ways you can tell your relationship may be doomed without consulting a psychic or peeking into a crystal ball. And though most of these are oriented for you to consider, if several of these apply to your partner, take heed: Though you might be into it, if you think your partner could check off some of these boxes, you may be heading in the not-so-far-off direction of splitsville.
1. You're Seriously Questioning It
Seems like this couldn't possibly be a little way you can tell your relationship is doomed, right? Everyone questions everything. Though that is true to an extent — when I'm tired or hungry or angry, there's a way better chance I'll start second-guessing every little facet of my life — if you're regularly questioning whether your partner is the one for you, they are most likely not.
2. Your Heart Isn't In It
Even if you are going along with things, and have fun with your partner, and basically have a pretty OK time with them, if you've been together for more than a few months and you don't feel like your heart has gotten the memo that you're in a relationship, it may never. Hearts are sensitive mechanisms. When they are involved, you'll know.
3. You Can't Picture A Future Together
You have to be able to picture the future to have one. As Erykah Badu likes to say, "Spelling is a spell." In other words, if you find yourself dreaming and thinking and writing about a future with your partner, you have a shot at it. If you just can't see it, forget it. You never will.
4. They Don't Respect Your Feelings
If you can't ever bring up how you're feeling without them starting a screaming match because they see your emotions as a sign of weakness, it may be time to reconsider your relationship.
5. You're Afraid Of Them
You should never feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells with your partner — you should be able to be who you are.
6. You Feel Like You Can't Talk To Them
Communication is a key component in successful relationships, and if you can't express how you're feeling because they'll judge you or won't listen, it's not a good sign.
7. Too Much Too Soon
In general, a super hot-and-heavy inception can feel great, but it can be a forecast of a relationship's demise.
8. You Don't Walk Side By Side
Literally. If you're prone to speed ahead while you're walking with your partner, or they are, this not a good sign — body language–wise, it means that you're not in line, and one of you isn't interested in aligning.
9. You're Just In It For The ____
Money, sex, lifestyle — if you're with your partner because of anything other than how awesome they are, it won't last.
10. They're Arm Candy
But you're not really that into them.
11. You're Staying Together For Some Other Reason Than Love
From comfortability to children, if you're together for any other reason than true adoration, everyone winds up suffering.
12. You're Not Interested In Having Sex With Them
Every couple has dry spells, but if you're completely uninterested in them sexually and you'll do whatever you can to avoid sex, this could be an early sign there's a bigger problem.
13. They Say One Thing And Do Another
Their mouth may be moving in very promising ways, but if their actions continually belie their words, leave.
14. You Don't Trust Them
To an extent, you can build trust, but once it's destroyed, it is near impossible to salvage it.
15. You Can't Be Yourself Around Them
You have to feel like you can really kick back and stretch out. If not, move on.
16. They Make Fun Of You
They might insist it's all in good fun, but anything other than lighthearted teasing is a red flag.
17. They Don't Like The Way You Dress
Or your hair. Or makeup. Or exercise routine. Whatever it may be, if your partner picks at little things about you, they're not worth having in your life.
18. They Are Manipulative
This is a tricky one, because it can be hard to tell when you're being manipulated — that's the whole point. Here, trust your gut. If you suspect that your partner is manipulative, they probably are, and they probably are manipulating you.
19. They Are Controlling
20. They Have Terrible Relationships With Others
It's one thing if they have toxic family members. Or if have a complicated relationship with their family — who doesn't? — but if, at the end of the day, they would shut the door in their mother's face or turn their brother out on the street, beware.
21. They Call You Names
Verbal abuse can be very subtle, which is why so many women stay in verbally abusive relationships way past their expiration dates.
22. They Are Emotionally Withholding
Not all scars are visible. Deeply emotionally unavailable people can be cast as "conquests" or "challenges" by some women, but it's important to understand that if you're not getting what you need in your relationship, you likely never will.
23. You're Afraid Of Being Alone
This is never a good reason to stay in a relationship. You'll be fine. Don't worry.
24. Your Friends Hate Your Partner
Friends are usually pretty good weather vanes. If they're all pointing him in the direction of the door, follow suit.
25. Your Family Hates Your Partner
Sure, sometimes families hate on perfectly wonderful partners, and that is a separate matter. But if your family have legit reasons for their hatred of your partner, it's worth giving them some serious thought.
26. Your Partner Gives You The Silent Treatment
This is childish and immature, emotionally abusive, and should be relegated to practice only from the likes of kindergartners.
27. They Flake On You All The Time
Getting used to "sorry, can't make it after all!" texts isn't fun and isn't fair.
28. You're Not A Priority
In relationships, it's vital to feel like one of the most important things in your partner's life. Not the most important thing — that honor has to be shared with your partner's career, family, creative endeavors, education and, importantly, with your partner herself or himself — but definitely high-ranking.
29. You Don't Feel Like A Team
Relationships are about being in it together.
30. Your Partner Never Asks Your Opinion
And always barrels full-speed ahead with whatever they think is best.
31. People Never Invite You Out As A Duo
After some time as a couple, your party invitations should extend to your partner, and vice versa. If your friends never add your mate to invitations, or if you're never listed as your partner's plus-one for weddings, bar mitzvahs and the like, that should give you pause.
32. Your Partner Is Condescending
Nope. Bye bye.
33. Old Problems Are Rehashed
And rehashed. And rehashed. Past issues should be left where they belong: in the past. If you can't resist bringing up old conflicts, or your partner can't, you're not doing a good job at problem-solving as a team.
34. It's Hard To Say No To Your Partner
You should feel like you can say no when you need to. If your partner starts sentences with, "If you really loved me..." then run.
35. Your Partner Thinks The World Revolves Around Them
36. Compromise Is Not In Their Vocabulary
If it's always your partner's way or the highway, choose the highway.
37. Your Partner Is Paranoid
It can be worked through, but it's really hard to deal with a partner who is continually convinced that you're going to cheat on them at the drop of a hat.
38. Your Partner Never Listens
You should feel like your partner pays attention to you. If you feel invisible, that's probably because you are.
39. Your Partner Doesn't Want To Deal With Problems
We all have our own wounds and inner conflicts. But if your partner is deeply depressed and refuses to get help, or has an anger problem but refuses to acknowledge it, it may be time to let go with love. (Or without love, depending on the issue.)
40. One Of You Wants Kids And The Other Doesn't
41. One Of You Wants Marriage And The Other Doesn't
42. Your Partner Polices Your Activities
This can count as abuse, and is definitely a sign of your relationship's dissolution. Or it should be, at any rate.
43. Your Partner Cuts You Off All The Time
If they aren't interested in getting to the end of what you have to say, you should give some serious thought in regard to whether you're interested in them.
44. They Are Disrespectful
Respect, along with trust, communication, and mutual admiration, is one of the most vital foundation blocks of relationships. Without respect, you have nothing.
45. They Are Abusive
Violence is never, ever, ever OK. And if you need help, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, who can offer tons of resources.
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