'Pump Rules' Season 4 By The Numbers

Will I, devoted Pump Rules fan, shed a tear (or five) when I hear Dena Deadly's voice at the top of Monday night's Vanderpump Rules Season 4 finale? Look, I'm no gambling expert, but I think that's a very, very safe bet; saying goodbye to this immaculate seas of TV will be tough. Hey, Season 4? I miss you already.

Alas, all good things must come to an end: first there's this week's finale, and then there's the reunion, and then there's the bonus footage special, and then Season 4 is over. Without the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills spinoff, my Monday nights will be a little less Sexy, a little less Unique, and a little less Restaurant. The sooner the show is picked up for a fifth season, the better.

As amped as I am to watch the final episode (ugh, put the Jax and Stassi face-off in my eyes already!), I wish this perfect season would never end. What made this particular batch of episodes so special, exactly? Allow me to break it down for ya. Without further ado, I give you Pump Rules Season 4 by the numbers.

• Butt tattoos: 2
• Butt tattoo removals: 1
• Apologies from Kristen: A lot
• Apologies from Stassi: More than a lot
• Proposal fake outs: 1
• Proposal real outs: 1
• Intentional references to The Sandlot : 1
• Unintentional references to The Sandlot : 1
• Bottles of white wine: Approximately 750
• Doors decorated with saliva: 1
• Failed LVP Sangria pitches: 1
• Times someone outdid Lala’s hoop earring game: 0
• Times Hanky the swan was carried into SUR: 1
• Times Hanky the swan was carried out of SUR: 1
• Trips to the DMV: 1
• Party crashers: The right number
• Bieber selfies: 1
• B*tch ghosts: 1
• Peter haircuts: 1
• Beemer hookups: 1
• Passed breathalyzer tests at the bulldozer lot: 4
• Unicorn horn headpieces: 1
• Booze-soaked watermelon bowls: Enough to get the cast nice 'n' slammered
• Crucial Uber receipt paper trails: 1
• Jaxes on the toilet: 1
• Pairs of thieved sunglasses: 1
• Capri Sun pouches: 2
• Manicures in an Airstream trailer: 1
• Ayn Rand name drops: 1
• George Michael name drops: 1
• Tampon flasks: At least 1
• Tom Sandoval cooking tutorials: 1
• Gordo Von Friendenheimer cameos: Not enough
• New stringless rings: 1
• Life-changing music videos: 2
• Times I've texted "OK, big d*ck" to my Pump-obsessed friends: 75,000,000
• Times I watched the The Night Before/Pump Rules special: 4
• Times I’ve craved deep fried goat cheese balls while watching this season of Pump Rules: 1,000,000
• Times I've said "put Jax in the Reality TV Hall of Fame already" while watching this season of Pump Rules: ~55,000,000
• Times this season deserved the Emmy for Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program: 1,000,000,000 (give or take)

Bring on the finale! Bring on the reunion! Bring on Season 5! Bring me some goat cheese balls! Bring me some tissues!