I read something recently that made a lot of sense — that we '90s kids are stuck on the decade in which we grew up because the technology boom back then made that time seem much longer ago, hence our nostalgia for the "simple days." Having said that, though, there are certain things we wouldn't mind leaving in the past ... if only it actually were that simple. But there are some embarrassing '90s obsessions you still have today that you can't seem to shake. We weren't even aware some of these were embarrassing the first go-round but, really, we should know better by now, right?
In our defense, there were a lot of fads that seemed super rad during the '90s that seem pretty silly now. Our comically bad fashion choices alone could make a solid case in this argument. But hindsight, as they say, is 20/20 and it wasn't until after we "Kriss Kross'll make you want to jump, jump"-ed through an entire decide wearing backward jeans and butterfly clips that we realized some of the things we did would undoubtedly wind up as punchlines later. So, sure, there is some embarrassing stuff we most definitely should want to leave behind for good. Yet, we haven't. And who cares?
IMHO, something you do will be considered embarrassing by someone, somewhere, at some point. Might as well love the heck out of your choices anyway, no matter how hilariously bad they may be. Like, for example, some of these '90s obsessions we just can't seem to quit.
1. Marky Mark
Notice I did not say Mark Wahlberg. No, I'm talking about Marky Mark circa the Funky Bunch, the bad boy rapper who couldn't keep his boxer briefs undercover. I heard "Good Vibrations" on the radio yesterday and it got me all hot and bothered. Marky Mark 4 eva.
2. The Slang
If scientists were to study the DNA coding of '90s kids, I feel fairly certain they'd find some sort of genetic predisposition for defaulting to '90s vernacular. Show me a '90s kid who can resist throwing an "as if!," "bounce," or "word" into casual convo from time to time and I'll show you a '00s kid who is just confused.
I mean, they still sell these, so what did you expect? Not buying these scented markers when I'm stocking up on office supplies just seems sacrilege. Some days, you just need a writing utensil that smells like blueberries. Know what I mean? I know you feel me, fellow '90s kid.
4. Brown Lipstick
Why did brown lipstick get such a bad rap after the fact? Even after this trend came back in vogue thanks to the '90s renaissance, there were still those naysayers who had a field day mocking the look. Haters can hate, though — you look hella good rockin' a cocoa kiss.
5. Soul Patches
I didn't personally have a soul patch during the '90s, although, hey, I'm a firm believe girls can do anything guys can. What I did do in the '90s was harbor major crushes on dudes who had this curious tuft of facial hair just below their bottom lip. And, what do you know, I still favor this questionable facial hair (and may or may not sometimes convince my husband to sport this style on the reg).
6. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Everything
Confession: My sister and I used to watch every single Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie that came out, long after we left the targeted age demographic for those films. We also hoarded the girls' cosmetic line (glittery lip gloss, anyone?). And while we may not have those exact tendencies anymore — although I'm not ruling out an MK and Ashley movie marathon in the near future — we, as any good '90s kid would, still devour any intel about what these two are doing these days.
7. Parachute Pants
Back in the '90s, we called these "Hammer" pants, because M.C. Hammer wore them 24/7. I'm only marginally mortified to admit I had Hammer pants then, which I often paired with a shirt that said "Can't Touch This." True story. But, like, have you tried parachute pants recently? They're so comfy! Make fun of me all you want, I'm still wearing a pair of these roomy babies to Zumba class.
8. That Steamy Titanic Sex Scene
Don't pretend like your little adolescent self didn't go through the trouble of rewinding your Titanic VHS way back when so you could replay that steamy scene where Rose and Jack got it on in the back of an old car. And don't pretend it doesn't still make you feel some kind of way when her hand slides down the foggy window during a moment of passion.
9. Playing With Your Food
Food in the '90s was just made for playing, you know? It was hilarious (albeit morbid) when you draped your Fruit Roll-Up over your face and pretended to be in Silence of the Lmabs. It was the funnest when you stuck Bugles on every single finger and cackled maniacally. It was oddly pleasing when you squished the guts out of Gushers. And, rest assured, it still is, my friend. It still is.
Images: Warner Bros. Pictures; Giphy (7)