Whether or not we want to admit it, sometimes we settle in life — with our jobs, in our friendships, and in our relationships. When we settle in relationships, we put our interest in quantity over quality, and in doing so deny ourselves real happiness. It may feel like we’re not doing anything too bad, but settling is damaging to both people in the relationship. It’s also unfair.
For many, it can feel easier to suck things up and hope they'll get better than to rock the boat. However, sometimes you may need to rock the boat. Sometimes, in a relationship that’s either totally bringing you down or just making you feel “meh” inside, you shouldn’t just rock the boat, but throw yourself in the damn water and swim as fast as you can, as far as you can. We’re not doing ourselves any favors when we settle in our relationships. If anything, we’re just setting ourselves up to be miserable, even if we’re not miserable at the moment don’t worry; it’s coming.
Are you settling in your relationship? I hope not. But there are reasons why someone would, from thinking they don't deserve better to not wanting to hurt their partner's feelings.
1. They Don’t Want To Be Alone
A major factor why people settle in relationships is because they don’t want to be alone. When you’ve been with someone for a long time, the thought of going back out there on your own is terrifying. But the problem here, according to research, is that this fear can mess with your priorities, suddenly making quality is no longer important.
2. They Think They Don’t Deserve Better
True story: If you’re unhappy with your partner or your relationship, then you absolutely deserve better. It may not be your partner’s fault that you’re not happy, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness.
3. It’s A Hassle To Date
If someone has been in a relationship for a long time and are surrounded by single friends who are constantly complaining about how difficult it is to date, of course they’re going to look at their relationship and think they’re better off. Yes, dating is a total hassle, but what these people tend to forget is that settling in a relationship they don’t want is also a hassle, but in another way.
4. They Don’t Want To Start Over
Once you’ve invested so much time in something, it’s hard to just throw in the towel on it. Even if you take the difficulty of dating out of the equation, to end a relationship means starting from scratch again and some people just don’t have the energy or interest in doing that.
5. They Feel Pressure To Make It Work
If you’re at an age where everyone around you is getting married and having kids, it can make you feel like that’s what you’re “supposed to” do. While that is definitely not the case, as no one is “supposed to” do anything, pressure from friends and family can make it feel like you have no escape — especially when you have your in-laws breathing down your neck about when you’re going to “give” them grandchildren.
6. They’re In Denial
Since people who are settling in relationships are notorious for justifying every aspect of their relationship, it’s easy to see how denial, and lots of it, would come into play. And, denial, is a very powerful thing.
7. It Seems Easier To Stay Than Leave
For some, it’s just sheer laziness. If it’s easier to stay, why bother leaving? Why bother putting in the effort of making yourself happy?
8. They Don’t Want To Hurt Their Partner
As much as it’s important to take your partner’s feelings into consideration, if you’re not feeling it, you have to go. The people who stick around because they don’t want to hurt their partner are actually just hurting them more in the long run. No one wants to be with someone who’s settling for them.
9. It Involves Too Much To End It
An apartment, a dog, bank accounts, and a standing dinner date with their partner’s family every Sunday… yeah, that’s a lot. And definitely a reason why someone might stay. But what people forget is that there are other apartments out there, bank accounts can be divvied up, and shared dog custody is a thing. It'll be a change, but you can do it.
10. They’ve Convinced Themselves It’s Just A Rough Patch
Although just another form of denial, people who have convinced themselves it’s just a rough patch or a little bump in the road tend may be settling, too. A month or two is a rough patch; a few years is settling, probably with a dash or two of misery, too.
11. They’re Creatures Of Habit
In general, humans are creatures of habit and because of that we like to keep things as they are. But for whose who are even more addicted to habit, the need to keep things in place even spills over into their personal life, making them settle because it’s a habit they just have no interest in breaking.
Make sure to check in with yourself and see how you're feeling about the relationship. Remember, you deserve to be happy no matter what.
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