7 Habits Toxic Couples Have In Common
Relationships aren’t prefect. In fact, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, because they simply don’t exist. To find a perfect relationship would mean having found two perfect people and, sadly, human beings are flawed to the hilt.
But while there’s no denying that perfect relationships are nowhere to be found, there are definitely some relationships that are more successful than others. There are those healthy relationships where the couples aren’t just loving, as one would hope couples would be, but there is a partnership, too; a supportive bond between two people on the same team working toward the same goal, and doing so openly and honestly, with a focus on resolving any problems that come their way.
On the other end of the spectrum, are relationships that are completely opposite of that. It’s these relationships where negativity and toxicity breeds; where there is no partnership, no support, emotional or otherwise, and resolution just isn’t part of the equation. Think you could be in a toxic relationship? Take a look at some common habits:
1. Lying To Each Other
While you’re not under any obligation to tell your partner everything, there are definitely things that shouldn’t be kept in the dark. Relationships should be honest, open, and have transparency when necessary. Lying about where you were, whom you were with, and other details that will affect your relationship is harmful. You may think what your partner doesn’t know can’t hurt them, but you need to ask yourself this question: Why am I not telling my partner the truth?
2. Keeping Score
Although relationships should be a give and take, sometimes things become unbalanced. Whether that imbalance is because one partner is working more than the other so they can’t hold up their end of things at home for the moment or a partner is sick and temporarily can’t help with the finances, there’s no need to keep score.
You’re in a partnership and on the same team. What that means is that you shouldn’t throw it in your partner’s face that you’ve been walking the dog while they’re working 60+ hours a week trying to reach a work deadline. When you keep score, you immediately put yourselves on opposite teams.
3. Regarding Emotions As Craziness
True story: Being emotional, having emotions, and sharing them isn’t crazy. If every time you or your partner expresses an emotion and the word “crazy” gets tossed around, it’s hard to have a dialogue that results in a resolution. If this is a problem in your relationship, make sure to have a discussion about it — being able to communicate and share your emotions with your partner is vital.
4. Deep Jealousy
Research has found that jealousy serves a purpose in relationships, at least from an evolutionary standpoint. While that may be the case, where things get toxic is when that jealousy becomes all-consuming, whether there’s a reason to be or not. Deep jealousy is debilitating and does far more harm than good.
5. Being Competitive
No one will never deny that a little healthy competition is great for a relationship. It helps challenge us and push us forward toward goals with an ambitious fire in our belly. But when it becomes a vicious competition, and you're constantly trying to prove who's better, is where things get dangerous.
Although certain moments call for being selfish, when couples are constantly selfish, as in refusing to give an inch and think about their partner, is when things get unhealthy. An equal partnership can’t work if one or both partners are selfish; there’s no room to grow or compromise in a healthy way.
7. Being Passive Aggressive
According to studies, being passive aggressive in your relationship is never a good idea. Similar to couples who call each other crazy whenever either one of them is emotional, passive aggression masks people’s true feeling and doesn’t allow for resolution or communication. While it may be easy to take the passive aggressive route initially when you’re first pissed off, in the long-term is doesn’t work well.
If you feel like your relationship fits the description on some of these, it may be time to re-think the relationship and whether or not it's making you happy. These things don't necessarily mean you're doomed, but it is worth it to have a talk with your partner and start handling things differently when it comes to communication, trust, and compromise.
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