We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto this week’s topic: more sexy power play game ideas.
Q: “I've read your guides on asking to be dominated and dominating someone, but I was hoping you could give more specific suggestions of power play games that we can play together. My partner and I have already talked about the fundamentals like safety, consent, and boundaries, and we’ve played around with domination in some pretty tame ways. We’re looking to up the ante and try something more intense. Do you have any ideas for roleplaying or trying specific scenarios?”
A: This was such a fun question that it required more than one article to sufficiently answer! Don’t forget to check out part one of my answer, but below, you’ll find 10 more Domination and submission games to play with your partner.
As a reminder, domination and submission are pretty wide categories, and mean different things to different people. Some of the games on this list might sound really hot; some may feel like they cross the line. Talk through each of these suggestions together and see which ones seem safe and sexy to the two of you. Of course, don’t forget to keep talking about boundaries and safewords. You can’t play these types of games unless you and your partner are great communicators who are willing to talk about the ins and outs of sexual safety!
1. The Guessing Game
This is a ridiculously hot game that can be adjusted for all different levels of kink. The Dom blindfolds the sub, or makes them promise to keep their eyes closed. Once the sub can’t see, the Dom collects a series of items to stimulate the sub’s body with (make sure to agree on the specific items beforehand, or at least agree on whether or not pain will be involved). Here are some possibilities:
- A paddle
- A silk scarf or neck tie
- An ice cube (try a plastic ice cube to limit the mess)
- A feather
- Candle wax (make sure you get body-safe candles, like this one from JimmyJane)
As they’re being touched with each item, the sub has to guess what the item is. A correct guess might elicit a reward, while an incorrect one might earn a "punishment," like spanking.
2. What You Gonna Do?
Another variation of the above is to have the sub guess what the Dom is going to do to them next. You could stick with the objects, and have the sub guess which item they’re going to be touched with next. Or you could move on to actual activities. Possibilities might include:
- Getting a spanking
- Getting a bite
- Getting ignored
- Getting a kiss
- Getting penetrated with a toy
- Getting oral sex
The anticipation of not knowing what’s coming next will be almost too much to bear.
3. Sensory Deprivation
You can take any of your Dom/sub play to the next level by cutting off one or more of the sub’s senses at a time. The sub will feel even more at the mercy of their Dom. Plus, when one sense is cut off, the others get heightened. Try blindfolding the sub. Or have them insert foam earplugs or wear headphones, so they can’t hear any of the Dom’s movements. Or tie the sub to the bed, so they can’t touch the Dom.
4. Clothes Control
An easy Dom/sub game to play is to allow the Dom to pick what the sub wears. You can limit it to a play session, or a specific day, or you can try longer periods of time. The Dom can choose sexy lingerie, accessories, or role-playing outfits, or demand that the sub be naked all day.
5. Hidden Signs
It’s one thing for the Dom to exert influence over their sub within the confines of their own home, but another to take it out in public. Have the Dom pick something that the sub has to wear out and about. Some hot possibilities are a collar or harness that can be hidden under clothing. Or try a sex toy, like a pair of Ben-Wa balls. Another option is to have the Dom write a word on a part of the sub’s body normally hidden by clothing, like “slut” or “mine.” Nobody else will be able to see, but you’ll both know it’s there. This game can make simple trips to the grocery store or the ATM ridiculously hot.
6. Marked Territory
If you both want to indulge a bit of your exhibitionistic leanings, the Dom can request that the sub wear a more public accessory that hints at the relationship between the two of you. This collar-and-cuff set by Bijoux Indescrets wouldn’t look that out of place at a club, but you’ll both be in on the secret. Up the heat factor by having the Dom place the item on the sub before going out.
7. Surprise Demands
There are a million different ways to play this game, but the basic idea is that the Dom surprises their sub with a specific set of personal requirements that have to be fulfilled by the time the Dom gets home. The Dom can leave a list in a place where the sub will find it, or can send text or an email.
An example might be, “I’ll be home at 7 p.m. tonight. I want you to be freshly showered, wearing the outfit you’ll find in this bag, on all fours, in the living room, with a paddle and a whip on the ground in front of you.” The Dom can make it as simple or as elaborate as they please. It can even be set up like a treasure hunt, with specific clues and accoutrements set up along the way.
8. Remote Domination
Long-distance lovers can get in on the Dom/sub action too, thanks to all of the Bluetooth-enabled sex toys flooding the market these days. (Check out the Dua from JeJoue.) The Dom can instruct the sub to insert the toy and wait until the Dom decides to turn it on. The Dom can tease their sub by only giving them little tastes of vibratory pleasure. The sub can also be given specific instructions not to orgasm, even as the Dom goes to town with the controls.
9. Choose Your Own Adventure
In my last article, I talked about the fact that punishments and rewards are some of the hallmarks of a classic Dom/sub relationship. The sub gets rewards for following instructions properly, and punishments for not doing a good enough job.
One fun way to play around with these dynamics is to make two sets of cards. In one set, write down a number of punishments. (Make sure you talk about boundaries when making this set.) On the other, write down the rewards. Whenever the sub does something good they get to pick a card from the reward deck. When they do something bad, they choose from the punishment deck. The anticipation of not knowing what’s in store will make the rewards sweeter and the punishments more intense.
10. Living Sex Doll
In this game, the sub acts as if they were nothing more than a sex doll. The sub tries their best to remain still and not make a noise. The Dom can position the sub as they like and do what they please. In order to play this game safely, make sure you agree on a safeword or safe symbol beforehand. You should also discuss boundaries of what activities are on the table and which ones are off, so you can both fully get into character.