Play Justin Bieber Music if You're About to be Attacked by a Bear — Seriously
Justin Bieber might seem like a controversial figure, what with the time Bieber sorted female party guests by their looks and the time Bieber used a wheelchair at Disneyland and the time there were all those leaked racist Bieber videos and ... OK, no, nevermind, there's probably nothing that can happen at this point that would make Bieber any less of a controversial figure. But what if I told you that he'd saved a life? Yes, Bieber, the boy who made the list of most hated men in America ranked between two murderers, is actually a saver of lives. In fact, a Russian fisherman claims Bieber saved him from a bear attack and this is not a drill.
The fisherman's name is Igor Vorozhbitsyn and he was on his way to go fishing when he suddenly found himself pinned to the ground by a bear. Just when he thought this was the end, he received a phone call that blasted his ringtone, Bieber's "Baby", and scared the bear away. Presumably, Vorozhbitsyn forgot to mention the part where the bear reared up on its hind legs to press its forepaws over both ears and scramble as far away from that demonic sound as it could, but we can certainly use our imaginations.
Vorozhbitsyn claims that his ringtone was set to Bieber because of his granddaughter, who did it as a joke, but that so-called joke saved his life. The distaste for Bieber has reached such an all-time high that even nature is not having any of his crap. This comes as no surprise in the wake of the Bieber and Orlando Bloom fight in which there was pretty much no one who was left to be on Team Bieber, but it's always nice to have a general opinion backed up by cold, hard, bear-scaring facts.
At this point, it's clear that if you want to survive just about any crisis or disaster in life, then it's best to always have some Bieber music on hand. It could help with so many situations.
- Scaring off telemarketers. If your home is still being plagued by those people whose job it is to call you and offer you things you don't want, try changing your incoming call ringtone to any Bieber song. After about a minute of listening to that, they'll hang up and never call again.
- Outrunning a tornado. Listen, tornadoes are fearsome natural disasters sucking up everything in their wake, but nothing slows one down faster than blasting Bieber through the car windows. The tornado will never catch up to you because the tornado will be too busy trying to turn in the other direction, away from that horrible noise.
- Breaking up with your significant other. If you've ever had to break up with someone without actually wanting to go to the trouble of actually breaking up with them, try slowly morphing into Bieber in appearance or in behavior. I guarantee you that about four months in, when you've grown that Bieberstache, they'll be running out the door.
- Drowning in the ocean. Start singing Bieber at the top of your lungs if you're drowning and the water will part itself like the Red Sea to get away from you. Just make sure you're too far away from the shore for anyone to have heard the screaming you did beforehand because people might be too busy covering their ears to rescue you.
We've figured out the secret to protecting ourselves from most of life's great crisis, guys. Thank you, Bieber.
Image: justinbiebergifs/Tumblr (2)