11 Funny Quotes So You Can Start 2015 Off Laughing

The last days of 2014 are upon us, which means most of us are putting the final touches on our 2015 New Year's resolution lists — or, if you're like me, you're looking for funny and inspiring quotes to get you pumped about the New Year. Because right now? Well, I think it's safe to say we could all use a few laughs. Like most people, we'll make grandiose plans to improve ourselves physically, mentally, and maybe even spiritually. We'll vow to eat more kale and flax, run five miles uphill everyday, commit to 30 minutes of Rosetta Stone each morning, and save up what would be happy hour dollars for that 10-day Esoteric Buddhist yoga retreat in Nova Scotia. Did you feel stressed just reading that? Good, because I felt stressed just writing it.

Seriously, let's cut the bullshit. Life is hard enough as is. Although we humans made progress in 2014, we certainly reeled from a fair share of turmoil. Humor me as I remind you that although we made significant gains in feminism, marriage equality, and Cuban-American diplomatic relations, we totally shit the bed when it came to racial justice, gun control, and electing Congressional competence. We've got our social work cut out for us in 2015. Do we really need to further stress ourselves out with impossible resolution lists, mocking us with unachievable delusions of self-inflicted grandeur? Nope, we sure do not, and thankfully, comedy is here to help.

Here are 11 comedic quotes for the New Year which can only serve to help remind us not to take ourselves too seriously all the time. As the late great Joan Rivers once said, "Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough." Cheers to you, Joan. And cheers to comic inspiration in 2015.

1. "We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third." — Leslie Knope

2. "Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'" — Amy Schumer

3. "Everything in moderation, including moderation." — Oscar Wilde

4. “Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres

5. "Thirty ways to shape up for [the New Year] — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? I’m so hungry right now." — Maria Bamford

6. “Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.” — Mindy Kaling

7. "My new years resolution? I will be less laz..." — Jim Gaffigan

8. “Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite, Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea: A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my 'plan' was for taking down the Christmas tree." — Tina Fey

9. "The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it." — Joan Rivers

10. “Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” — Mark Twain

11. “The moment someone says, 'Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,' your party is over.” — Amy Sedaris

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