At this rate, there's not much that Kim Kardashian could do that would surprise me. After all, she made millions from an iPhone game, published an entire book filled with selfies, and broke the Internet with a magazine cover. Yet despite my lack of shock at most Kardashian news, this latest tidbit actually surprised me. In an interview with Australia's Daily Life, Kim Kardashian revealed her childhood celebrity crush and it's pretty unexpected. Drum roll, please...
Yup, an adolescent Kim K. had a crush on Johnny Depp. It wasn't even a crush, apparently it was an obsession. Here's what she said:
I was obsessed with Johnny Depp when I was a teenager. I thought he was so hot. He was gorgeous and had that bad-boy streak — especially when he was with Winona Rider and then Kate Moss... I didn't go for bad boys as a general rule and I never went for party boys but was certainly attracted to Johnny Depp physically.
Not sure why I find this so surprising, but it's probably the best thing I've heard all day. Before Kanye West panics and goes on a Twitter rant against Depp, Kardashian made sure to mention that West is her perfect man nowadays.
Explaining why West still ranks #1, Kardashian said,
All men should be like my husband Kanye. He is very selfless when it comes to our relationship. He is giving and loving. He is respectful and has a great understanding about my needs.
See, he has nothing to worry about! It's not like Kardashian will suddenly dump him to pursue Depp. However, this got me thinking... What if their roles reversed? What if Kanye West starred in Johnny Depp's movies? Besides probably being Kim Kardashian's fantasy, it's pretty amusing to imagine.
So as a gift to us all, I present Johnny Depp movies: the Kanye edition.
Pirates of the Caribbean
This pirate adventure film would feature Captain Kanye Sparrow on a quest to reclaim all of the awards that Beyonce was supposed to win. Like a treasure hunt, he'd travel around on a ship and one-by-one get back any Grammys and VMAs that he believed belong to Queen Bey instead. A futile mission (since they earned the prizes fair and square), but Sparrow would begin by heading to Taylor Swift's home. In the sequel, he takes a trip to see Beck.
Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
Yeezy Wonka doesn't own a chocolate factory. Instead, it's a music factory (or you know, a recording studio) where young artists come to learn from such a genius. After finding golden tickets hidden inside five of Wonka's albums, an eclectic group of children win a trip to his factory. He puts them through a series of tests to see who's really cut out for the job. Don't worry, there would still be Oompa Loompas!
EdWest Scissorhands doesn't use his special hands for haircuts like in the original Depp flick. Instead, he uses this power to cut up fabric and design clothing. Then EdWest would debut the collection at New York Fashion Week. Many of Scissorhands' outfits look like they could be pulled from Kanye's current wardrobe, so it's not much of a stretch.
Not convinced? I'll just leave you with this:
Images: Jamie Primeau/Bustle (4); Getty Images; Walt Disney Pictures; Warner Bros. Pictures; 20th Century Fox