'Friends' In 'The Hunger Games': Who Would Win?

The year is 3015. The setting: Central Perk, the only remaining coffee house in all of Panem. The remaining inhabitants of what used to be New York City post up in the coffee shop as Gunther, master of ceremonies, begins to conduct The Reaping for this year's installment of The Hunger Games. In an unfortunate turn of events, our favorite friends Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross watch in horror as, one-by-one, their names are drawn. Which of the Friends characters will win in the Hunger Games arena?

Rachel's name is drawn first. Teary eyed, she gets up off the couch to stand by Gunther (who is visibly excited by her presence). Ross, shocked to see the mother of his child selected, volunteers as tribute. Ross' benevolent move does not save her, though, as the evil Gunther, President of Panem, devilishly decides to make both Ross and Rachel compete in the games. He laughs as he says, "You're lobsters... at least the public will favor you."

Meanwhile, the rest of the Central Perk crew believes they are safe. Ursula Buffay's name is pulled out of the reaping coffee mug, which Phoebe is surprisingly ambivalent about. President Gunther, continuing on his power trip, decides to force Phoebe into competing, as well. He relishes the idea of setting the twins against each other.

The reaping continues. Monica, Chandler, and Joey watch as some of their old acquaintances are chosen. Chandler snickers as Janice is chosen, overcome with glee at her imminent demise. Gunther takes notice of this and adds Chandler to the list of tributes out of spite. Monica volunteers to be a tribute as well, fueled equally by her desire to beat Janice once and for all, her knowledge that Chandler will be dead in a heartbeat without her protection, and please, we all know her die-hard competitive nature would not let her sit this one out.

Joey, not one to be left out of things, jumps on the tribute bandwagon and volunteers himself for the games, secretly hoping that one of the hot female tributes will fall prey to his charm in the arena.

Our worst nightmares have been realized. All of our favorite Friends characters will be competing in the Hunger Games. But who will come out on top? Let's take a careful look at each friend's strengths and weaknesses to determine who will ultimately be crowned the victor.

As we say in Panem, may the odds be ever in our friends' favor. And as we say at Central Perk, I'll be there for you... until we go head-to-head in the Hunger Games arena.

Chandler Bing

If I were to bet on a Friend, Chandler certainly wouldn't be my first pick to win. He often uses his humor as a shield from his feelings, but his humor shield certainly won't hold up against Ursula's trident in the arena (yes, that was a Friends/The Hunger Games/The Little Mermaid triple crossover joke. BOOM.) Chandler's fatal flaws would be his arrogance and tendency to overestimate his own physical ability.

That being said, in the midst of the grim times in the arena, Chandler's unfailing wit and relentless stream of jokes would be a great mood-lightener. Perhaps a stronger tribute would want him as an ally to use him as a source of comic relief. Could he be a better alliance partner? That would probably be Chandler's best bet. That or hiding while Monica vanquishes their opposition and, after that, using her cooking knowledge to find a poisonous mushroom for her and Chandler to ingest simultaneously before Gunther puts a stop to it.

Phoebe Buffay

Phoebe would be a strong front-runner in "The One Where Friends Take On The Hunger Games." Phoebe grew up on the streets, forced to learn survival skills and self-defense at an early age. She was a teenage mugger in the past (as Ross is well aware of), demonstrating her ability to do whatever it takes to survive.

Phoebe is also the ultimate wildcard; she is unpredictable, carefree, and passionate in all that she does. Phoebe would have a difficult time forming alliances though, as her unpredictable nature would make for an unstable alliance, making her fellow tributes nervous to pair with her.

Joey Tribiani

Joey would be ranked low going into the games, given his short attention span and general cluelessness. However, he is more physically imposing than his fellow competitors and he has had some training in stage combat.

Furthermore, his tendency to do stupid stuff (see: the game "Fireball") has probably deadened his pain receptors so he would fare well in the arena. Ultimately, though, I think his sex drive would be his downfall, as a nice looking woman would distract him even as he looked death in the face. Joey's strengths would become a moo point the minute a nice butt walked by him in the forest.

Rachel Green

One of Rachel's strongest attributes in the arena would be the tendency of her competitors to underestimate her due to her small frame, sweet disposition, and the fact that she's kind of a pushover.

However, as we know, Rachel is a force to be reckoned with when angry. She is also quite spry; I would imagine she would be excellent at climbing trees and curling up in foliage to camoflauge herself.

Ross Gellar

Ross' ultimate weapon would obviously be his kuh-rah-tay skills and his possession of unagi. However, his karate skills leave much to be desired and Ross does startle rather easily. Unfortunately for Ross, he tends to hurt more with his words than his hands.

Sharp wit stabs nobody in the arena, Ross. That said, Ross' good-guy demeanor would undoubtedly attract many offers for alliances. Additionally, his intellect could render him a worthy competitor and make up for his lack of a physically threatening presence. Still wouldn't be my first pick. though.

Monica Gellar

Monica is an obvious favorite. The self-proclaimed "scrappy" chef not only has a surprising amount of strength for such a small person, she is also competitive to a fault. Known to break noses in flag football, Monica will stop at nothing to win.

In the arena, Monica would undoubtedly give in to her more primitive side as she mercilessly pursues her fellow tributes on the path to ultimate victory. Monica's weight loss in the past also suggests that she has unscrupulous self-control and knows how to cope without food for long periods of time. Monica's competitive nature and scrappiness, along with her knowledge of what foods are safe to eat thanks to her chef background, would probably make her one of the top contenders in the arena.

And the victor is...

Though all the Friends would be strong competitors in the arena in their own way, the true fight ultimately comes down to Phoebe and Monica. Monica would undoubtedly fight to the death but I think Phoebe's background and unpredictability would lead to her victory in the arena.

Images: NBC, Giphy (15)