If you've been doing a lot of thinking about the inevitable mess that will be the premiere of this season of The Bachelorette, here's something I bet you never considered: How will limo order work for the Double Bachelorette season? What with all of the "men voting on the women before the game even gets going" hubbub, we've all forgotten the single most important and hilarious segment of the first episode of the season: The limo exits! They can be great or they can be horrifying and dignity-shattering, but no matter what, they're important.
It used to be that we could tell whether or not the producers thought a contestant was a frontrunner or not by the order the girls and guys emerged from the limos in their respective seasons (after all, Britt was the first girl out of the limo on The Bachelor, and she did get the first impression rose), but this season things are a little bit different. This season, the producers can't possibly have any idea of who they think will be the best match for the Bachelorette because they don't even know who the Bachelorette is at the time of the limo arrivals. What's more, they can't even target one woman over the other, because here's how it's going to work this season: When the contestant leaves the limo, he will then decide which girl he goes to greet, leaving the other one standing there awkwardly just waiting for it all to be over. I mean, if this isn't anything like picking dodgeball teams in high school P.E. then I'm Chris Soules' wife.
Plus, it doesn't even seem like all of the 2015 Bachelorette guys will be coming in via limo, as is tradition. Two notable exceptions include Chris, the genteel dentist who arrives via mechanical cupcake, and Shawn E, the world's foremost amateur sex coach. Please enjoy their grand entrances:
Where does one find a cupcake mobile these days? Also, as a dentist, it seems strange that Chris would be advocating for sweets. Just saying. I hope that vehicular treat is sugar-free.
Then there's Shawn:
I can only assume that this is where Shawn E does his amateur sex coaching.
Look, if we're being totally honest here, limo order isn't an exact science, and the fact that two of the guys chose to forgo the limo entirely doesn't say anything one way or the other. However, once the show gets going, the number of initial visits one Bachelorette candidate gets over the other will likely be very telling. Like, if Kaitlyn gets 20 guys to come up to her first while Britt just stands off to the side and waits, I think it might be safe to say that Kaitlyn would win the title. That said, they're both awesome ladies, so even if one girl gets more initial greetings than the other, they could still charm the pants off of the contestants during the cocktail party.
But, hey, what do I know? Everything's pretty much up in the air once you throw a dessert car into the mix.
Images: Rick Rowell/ABC (3)