10 Things A Grown-Ass Woman Isn't Afraid To Say

by Lara Rutherford-Morrison

Being young is awesome in a lot of ways: So much freedom! And fun! And adventure! But it’s also riddled with insecurities—“Am I normal? Am I cool? Does that person like me? Who am I? What the hell am I doing with my life??” When we’re teenagers and in our early twenties, we spend so much time worrying about what others will think that we often don’t speak up about who we are or what we want, a failing that leads many of us into bad situations and bad relationships. One of the perks of growing older is that you become more confident in your own sense of self, and you learn to communicate and be more honest about your feelings and desires. In short, grown-ass women say what they want, they don’t waste time obsessing about what other people think—and they take sh*t from no one.

Read on for ten things that a grown-ass woman is not afraid to say. Admittedly, this list is a bit of an ideal; I consider myself a “grown-ass woman” and still struggle with saying some of these things aloud. But being a mature adult means knowing and being true to yourself, demanding respect, and not being afraid to be who you are. And that’s something worth striving for.

1. "I’m pissed."

Saying “I am really mad at you” to someone, from your S.O. to your parents, is really difficult for a lot of people (me included). The impulse to pretend everything is OK, to do everything to avoid conflict, can be so strong that we’ll put up with almost anything rather than just say we’re angry. But a grown-ass woman will speak up about her feelings, even if it means being uncomfortable. She knows that sometimes you have to brave a confrontation in order to be honest about who you are and what you want.

2. "I disagree."

As with admitting to anger, telling someone you disagree with them can be a really scary thing. Because what if it makes that person angry? What if it causes an argument? It’s natural to fear confrontation (and, as women, society often tells us that we should be sweet and agreeable all the time), but, as you get older, you’re more able to speak up when you have a difference of opinion, both because you’re more confident in yourself, and because you’ve learned that confrontations are survivable. Yes, it’s no fun making someone angry, but you’ll get through it, and you’ll be proud of yourself for standing your ground.

3. "I don’t like booze/smoking/pot/whatever."

When we’re young, it’s easy to give in to pressure to do stuff we don’t really want to do. We’ll often agree to participate in things simply because we don’t want to seem like boring old sticks in the mud, and so we’ll agree to drink, do drugs, hook up, or smoke even when we’re not feeling it. But when you’re a grown ass woman, you’re able to say “No, thank you” and not feel bad about it.

4. "I’m tired."

A grown-ass woman is not afraid to admit to being tired and doing what she needs to do to feel better. Recently, I found myself going to bed at 9:45 after a few exhausting days of high stress and little sleep. I was actually really excited to be going to bed so early, thinking, “This is fantastic; I am going to get SO MUCH SLEEP.” Then I wondered if my excitement about my geriatric bedtime meant that I am now ancient and sad. But I realized that, no, it’s not boring, it’s just awesome. Because I am a grown-ass woman, and I do not have to stay out until 2 AM ever night to prove I’m cool.

5. "I want orgasms, dammit."

A lot of women have a hard time advocating for their own sexual needs, for a variety of reasons (We’re told that we shouldn’t want sex, or our orgasms are wrong or too difficult, or that sex shouldn’t be a priority in romantic relationships.) But as you get older and more confident, you learn more about what you want and how to ask for it. A grown-ass woman does not put up with a sexual partner who doesn’t care about her needs.

6. "I want to date a grown-ass man (or grown-ass woman)."

A grown-ass woman does not put up with dating an immature man-child. She wants a partner who has his or her sh*t together, who doesn’t create useless drama, and who’s honest about his or her feelings and needs.

7. "I’m sorry."

Admitting that you’re wrong or that you’ve made a mistake is a difficult, often frightening challenge. But when you grow up, you learn that being able to make a sincere apology (a real apology – none of this “I’m sorry you’re upset” BS), is an important part of being a mature adult.

8. "I’m amazing."

As hard as it is to admit when you’re wrong, it can be even harder to own up to your own strengths. So many of us sell ourselves short, and tell ourselves that we’re not good enough or smart enough or pretty enough, but a grown-ass woman is able to recognize her own Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent.

9. "I forgive you."

Forgiving someone—really forgiving someone, and not just saying that everything’s OK while you continue to fester in silence—is really, really hard. Forgiveness requires that you get past your hurt and anger, which is no easy task, but when a grown-ass woman says, “I forgive you,” she really means it.

10. "I love you."

Is there anything scarier than telling someone you love him or her? OK, definitely yes, but, from an emotional standpoint, admitting that you’re in love—that another person affects you in a deep, intimate way—is a big deal. A grown-ass woman gets past the fear and is willing to make herself vulnerable for the right person.

Images: Kacper Gunia/Flickr; Giphy (10)