Kaley Cuoco Gets Married on TV, Proves She Actually Is Kim Kardashian
So Kaley Cuoco might have gotten married on national TV. Appearing on Ellen DeGeneres' talk show Thursday, the Big Bang Theory actress waxed poetic about her boyfriend of five months and fiancé of two months, tennis player Ryan Sweeting... and then proceeded to walk down the "aisle" (translation: sound stage) in a possibly-mock-but-maybe-real wedding.
Jury's still out on whether or not the nuptials were official. (The stunt would seem less believable had Cuoco not recently told People, she was ready to marry Sweeting "tomorrow.") But one thing's most definitely for sure: The Big Bang Theory star is officially the second coming of Kim Kardashian.* Need proof? Lucky for you, we've got proof.
*I understand there are many of you who love The Big Bang Theory who might be offended by this claim. Bazinga! Everyone knows Big Bang Theory fans are somewhere hidden away in a secret enclave also occupied by the fans of Two and a Half Men, never to be found outside of a Nielsen box. Still, team Billie Jenkins 4ever.
1. Her Name Begins With "K"
And Kanye West has proven that anyone with a "K" in their name immediately must be associated with the Kardashian klan. Why do you think I, Kate with a "K," write about the Kardashians so often? You think I want to do this? You think I don't have Kris Jenner currently holding a knife (also begins with "k") to my back, making me rue the day my mother decided to name me after Katharine Hepburn? Um — I mean, Kris Jenner is the next Oprah. Yes, that's what I meant. Help.
2. She Got "Married" On National Television... To an Athlete
That said, Cuoco's five-minute long nuptials on Ellen were 10 times more bearable than Kardsahian's four-hour televised E! special chronicling her marriage to NBA player Kris Humphries. Hopefully, that translates into a relationship that lasts approximately 300 times longer than Kardashian's 72-day marriage to Humphries. (Or, at very least, about the same amount of time as their very long divorce.)
3. She's a Fan of Speedy Relationships
Kardashian met Humphries in November 2010, got engaged to the NBA player six months later, and married him three months after that in August 2011. After parting ways with Humphries, Kardashian began dating Kanye West in April 2012, delivered their baby in June 2013, and got engaged to the rapper four months later. Cuoco seems to be following suit — just months meeting this summer, the actress and Sweeting got engaged in September, and possibly-maybe-we'll-see got married two months later on Ellen's show. North West, you might see competition in a few months' time. (South East? Or 41° 24' 12.1674", 2° 10' 26.508"? Eh, let's just go with Cuoco Pebbles and call it a day.)
4. Also of High-Profile, Very Public Relationships
Cuoco made headlines earlier this summer after she began dating Man of Steel superhero Henry Cavill, which was super news for the tabloids — the cameras somehow regularly found out where the couple was grocery shopping. The relationship was short-lived, and one that many were suspicious of — much like the paparazzi-heavy early relationship between Kardashian and the artist also known as Yeezus. It was disappointing for us Charmed fans — Billie knew better than to allow a photographer to tail her. Sheesh.
5. She's On a Show Everyone Hates
Also known as Keeping Up With an Overbearing Laugh Track Accompanying Predictable Nerd Jokes (But Really, Jim Parsons Does a Decent Job So Let's Not Blame Him).