Lots of things have “broken” the Internet in the last year: Kim Kardashian’s oiled posterior on the cover of Paper Magazine, Caitlyn Jenner’s groundbreaking photo spread for Vanity Fair, a debate over the color of a random dress that destroyed friendships and ruined marriages. But it turns out that all you have to do to make the whole Internet unite in shared, fiery outrage is mess with people’s guacamole. Yesterday, The New York Times suggested that we add peas to guacamole, and we all stood up to say, “NAY.” Even the president chimed in make his disgust known. #GuacGate 2015 will go down in history as the day we came together to defend our right to decent burrito toppings.
It says something about the power of avocado that people are so passionate about an NYT recipe, especially considering just how much crap there is on the Internet to take up our attention at any given moment. The web encourages us to flit from topic to topic, never really getting invested in any single cause, but this experience showed us that when something really matters, we can focus and make our voices heard.
These are just a few of the things going on right now that we absolutely could not be upset about when the honor of our guacamole was at stake:
1. The fact that Macy’s will no longer be selling the Trump menswear line.
After Donald Trump made a number of racist remarks about Mexican immigrants while announcing his presidential campaign, Macy’s declared that it will no longer be selling the Trump menswear line. I know, you’re saying, “There was a Trump menswear line?” Exactly.
2. The breakup of Bennifer 2.0.
On Tuesday, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announced via People that they’re splitting after ten years of marriage. I’m sure that’s sad for them, but who cares when someone out in the world is putting peas next to avocados?
3. The on/ off again shenanigans of Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin.
Are they together? Are they not together? Who cares? I just want chips.
4. The actual avocado shortage.
More than 80 percent of American-grown avocados come from California. California, as most of us know, is in the midst of a brutal, years-long drought. So if California can’t get some water, our beloved avocados — the very foundation of guacamole — may be in jeopardy.
5. That Instagram you took of last night’s dinner.
Unless it had guacamole with peas in it, no one cares.
6. The creepy worms someone found in her salmon.
These are so disgusting. But unless they’re in our guac, we’re not that upset about it.
7. The new 50 Shades of Grey book.
So Grey came out, and apparently it is a No. 1 bestseller, but who is actually reading it? I mean, I know some people love it, and more power to them, but yesterday the only way most of the Twitterverse would have cared about the book would be if Christian Grey had tied Ana up and used her body as a Chip n’ Dip.
8. The Monopoly movie.
Lions Gate has announced plans to make a movie about Monopoly. Just … why?
Images: Pixabay; Getty (5)