One In Four Young People Masturbate While Driving, New Survey Finds, Plus 5 Self-Love Injuries That Will Make You Stay Away From Saw Blades Forever

A couple of days ago, a woman from the UK rear-ended the back of a stationary van while she was allegedly masturbating while driving. Because that story broke, UK-based insurance broker, Adrian Flux took it upon themselves to see just how many people partake in these sexually-charged risky behaviors while driving. Honestly, it’s probably more than you might think.

Adrian Flux questioned 1,000 people on their naughty tendencies behind the wheel. It was found that the woman from the UK is not alone. In fact, one in four young drivers surveyed admitted to masturbating while driving. About 26 percent of drivers aged 25 to 34-years-old reported that they took generally “raunchy risks” while behind the wheel, and 12 percent of older drivers admitted to the same thing.

“This accident in Cirencester highlights that this type of behavior is very common and is just as distracting—it not more so—than using a mobile phone while driving,” Gerry Bucke, general manager at Adrian Flux said. “We know from data that mobile phone use causes accidents, but we don’t know how many accidents are caused by hanky panky – either alone or with a partner – because it’s very hard to prove and the data simply doesn’t exist. People have always used their cars as maskeshift bedrooms, but maybe they should wait until they’re parked up before grabbing some satisfaction.”

He makes a good point. While it may seem all sexy and exciting at first, getting in or causing an accident because you couldn’t keep it in your pants for a few more minutes just isn’t worth it. The study also found that 40 percent of young passengers aged 18 to 34-years-old confessed to distracting the driver with some kind of inappropriate behavior. But that doesn’t mean the older folks aren’t getting in on the action as well. In fact, the study found that 70 percent of those over 55-years-old admitted to having sex in a parked vehicle, in comparison to 63 percent of those under the age of 55 who admitted to the same thing.

“The older generation are certainly not prudish judging by this research,” Bucke said. "It’s just that they didn’t believe in taking unnecessary risks and kept their ardor under wraps while the car was moving.”

Sex in a parked car? Go for it. Have fun! Trying to go for it while you or your partner is driving, however, might not be such a good idea.

Although masturbation is still seen as a sort of taboo-topic of discussion, let’s be real, most everyone does it. It’s a fun and easy way to relieve certain tensions without the hassle of a partner. Sometimes, you can even find new and creative ways to get yourself off. However, sometimes that little burst of masturbatory inspiration can lead to not-so-happy endings. Here are 5 examples of strange masturbation-related injuries.

1. No, Honey, Don’t Stick Your Penis Into The Vacuum

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You know how moms are always telling their children to stop sticking things in places they don't belong? Well, maybe they should listen more. Sure, vacuum cleaners may hold some appeal. After all, they are small, suction-y, dark holes. If you’re not going to shell out some cash for a Fleshlight or something of that sort, looking for alternatives inside your home may be the way to go. Then again, Fleshlights were specifically made for penis-insertions and vacuums simply were not.

Case in point, in 1998, a man from Long Branch, New Jersey thought it would be a good idea to make sweet, sweet, love to his good ol’ Hoover vacuum, according to Philly.com. He made a call to the police stating that someone had stabbed him in the crotch while he slept. But when Long Branch police arrived and did a little digging, they found a different story.

“What he didn’t realize is that there’s a blade in the vacuum cleaner right under where the hose attaches that pushes the dust into the collection bag,” Long Branch public safety director, Louis Napoletano told local news at the time.

About a half-inch of the guy’s penis was sliced off, he was rushed to the hospital, and had to undergo microsurgery to stop the bleeding.

While it may seem like a bizarre thing to do, dudes sticking their dicks into vacuum cleaners isn’t a one-off thing. In fact, a 1980 study conducted by Wenderoth and Jonas that was published in European Urology, found that after looking over 48 cases of masturbation-related injuries, 36 of those cases were “vacuum cleaner injuries” to the penis.

2. Really, Don’t Stick That In There

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In yet another case of people sticking things in places they don’t belong, in 2013, a report published in the International Journal of Surgery Cases said that a 70-year-old Australian man was rushed to the hospital after stuffing a 4-inch fork into his urethra in order to “achieve sexual gratification.” Furthermore, the study found that men try sticking all kinds of other foreign objects into their penises from pens to safety pins to telephone cables, glue, cocaine, light bulbs, carrots and snakes. Yeah, snakes.

Again, while it may have seemed like a good idea at the time –though I can’t particularly see how—a study conducted in 2010 published in the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine found that the, “urological consequences of this type of behavior can be significant and the implications for patients can be serious including death from sepsis.”

The study further found that over the last decade, reports of self-inserted intra-urethral foreign objects have increased, however, many patients usually feel embarrassed when things go wrong and avoid seeking medical help.

3. Don’t Do It At Work. Especially If You're Working With High-Powered Machinery

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In a case reported in the Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality in 1991, a machine shop worker lost his testicle when he sliced open his scrotum while rubbing himself against an engine’s canvas belt. How embarrassing right? Well, it gets worse. Because he literally lost his balls from doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing, he decided to fix things himself. How? By stapling his wound shut.

According to the physician who wrote the report,

“The man actually came to me three days post-injury when the fever, swelling, and pain of secondary infection frightened him. Though unlikely, tetanus was even a possibility. He was not that impressed with the pain of the moment of injury — it happened so quickly, like losing your fingertip to a band-saw — and was unaware his left testis was probably propelled up into the rafters of the machine shop where he worked.”

At first, many believed the story to be too good to be true. But in 1994, the doctor who wrote the report to the journal came out and reiterated everything that had happened.

According to the doctor, the patient regularly masturbated by “holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt.” On the day of his accident, he somehow lost concentration and leaned in a little too close to the belt. Ouch! 

4. Butt…I Didn’t Know I Shouldn’t Have Done That

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In a 1987 case reported in the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology, a completely sober, healthy, and well put together 20-year-old man went to the emergency room complaining of some rectal pain. After digitally examining the rectum, doctors found a stony hard, vertically oriented object inside. After some questioning, the guy revealed that he had been fooling around with his boyfriend four hours earlier and decided to mix up a batch of concrete before pouring it into his butt through a funnel.

As the report states,

“After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care.”

Luckily for the guy, doctors were able to dilate the anus and remove the massive piece of hardened concrete out of his butt. He was discharged the next day, but not before doctors suggested he seek out a psychiatric consultation. Of course, the man declined.

5. Dildos And Saw Blades Don't Mix

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Because the boys can’t have all the fun, here is a case showcasing why you shouldn’t mix sex toys with power tools. As if you would in the first place.

Back in March of 2009, a 27-year-old Maryland woman was airlifted to the hospital for severe injuries caused by the use of a sex toy that was attached to a high-powered saber saw blade, reports NBC Miami. According to the report, the saw cut through the dildo and wounded the woman. After speaking to the couple individually, the woman told investigators that she suffered her injuries during a “consensual act” and that she and her partner were “trying something new.”

 Images: Fotolia; Giphy(6)

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