Sexting can be a lot of fun. In fact, sometimes it feels like half the thrill of a hookup is all the flirting that happens beforehand. Anticipation is hot, after all! But when it comes time to think up sexting lines, it’s so easy to get tongue-tied — or, rather, finger-tied.
If you can’t figure out how to start sexting it’s probably because your nerves are getting in the way. “Sexting can be awkward,” Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle. Not only is there a lot of pressure to say the “right” thing, but it’s also tough to be the one to kick things off. What if the other person isn’t in the mood? What if they don’t say anything back?
It helps to have an open conversation, too, says Caitlin V. Neal, MPH, clinical sexologist and sexpert for Royal. For instance, some people get nervous about sexting because they don't know what to say. If that's a concern for you, be honest and let your partner know. "Perhaps they'll be willing to take the lead, to reassure you of how attractive you are, or they might have some naughty ideas and inspiration that you can run with," Neal says.
This should go without saying, but you should only send these kinds of messages to someone you have an established relationship with and know would enjoy them. And it’s best to start with a pre-sexting consent text, especially if the other person is new to your life. By making sure they’re fully on board it’ll take the edge off. From there, you can volley back and forth knowing the messages are being well-received. "You don't want to initiate only to find out that they're not in the right headspace for it — that could be a big turn-off," Neal says. Be sure to read the situation as best as you can to see if they're in the mood and available for it. If you’re not sure, try asking if sexting is something they’d be into before thrusting it on them (no pun intended).
“Mindset in this is everything since you will have to be using your imagination a bit,” Trombetti says. So above everything else, remember to have fun. The more you allow yourself to let go and enjoy, the hotter your sexting conversation will be. If you need some inspiration, read on below for a few tips on how to start sexting.
1. "I’ve been thinking dirty thoughts about you. Want to hear?"
Whether you’re sexting with a potential hookup, or want to get a longer-term partner in the mood, go ahead and start off with this message. It’ll help you test the waters to see if they’re on board before your start sending a bunch of risqué texts their way.
2. “Hey, are you busy? Can I tell you about a fantasy I’ve been thinking about recently?”
As relationship expert Sophie Mona Pagès tells Bustle, you could also say something like this to check their mood for a spicy convo. That way you’ll know you have their full attention and that they’re equally ready to sext.
3. “I just got back from the gym and I’m about to hop in the shower. What are you doing?”
Help them form a picture in their head. “The best flirty questions to ask via text usually provide a visual,” Amber Kelleher-Andrews, a relationship expert and CEO of the matchmaking site Kelleher International, tells Bustle. Tell them you just slipped into a bathing suit, reclined onto your bed, or stepped out of the shower, and just like that you’ll have inserted a sexy image into their mind.
4. "It’s been too long since we’ve hooked up ;)"
Know someone who would like to know how much they’re missed? Be bold and send this flirty message their way. Even if you don’t hook up IRL, it could lead to a fun night of sexting.
5. "I miss your hands on my body...”
To do one better, describe in detail what you miss about them. “Maybe it is their lips, hands, legs, etc.,” Trombetti says. “Getting specific is flirty and clear in your intentions.” Also, there’s something about the wording here that reads like a steamy romance novel — in a totally good way.
6. "I just touched myself while thinking about last night.”
Make them think of a recent sexy time. This gives them a nice image to meditate on until you can meet again. Follow up with “I want you to make me feel like that again,” and you’ll be off to the races.
7. "Do you want to try something new in bed tonight ;)”
Trombetti says this one ticks all the sexting boxes: It’s flirty, it shows your intentions, and it sets them up to respond, which is exactly what you want when initiating sexting. Get ready to share your fantasy and encourage them to do the same.
8. "What would you do if you were with me right now?”
Make them do some of the work. “If your partner receives this text, their mind is going to start wandering in all the right directions,” Trombetti says. “Again, now it’s their turn to respond!” If they aren’t saying much back, try asking them to go into more detail to help your imagination.
9. "I Can’t Stop Staring At Photos Of You."
This one can be as sexual as you want it to be, and lets your partner know you have them on your mind. Try it and see where it takes the convo.
10. "This playlist is so sexy. It made me think of you.”
According to Pagès, sexting can include more than just words. Music, for example, has a way of setting the scene. Send a sultry Spotify playlist their way and see what happens. You could also exchange sultry gifs, movie clips, sexy nudes — the possibilities are endless.
11. "I dreamed about you last night...”
This message is arguably one of the easiest ways to start sexting. “It's about them, allows you to share what's on your mind, and opens the door to mutual fantasies,” Pagès says. “Perfect combination! Also, it's not graphic, so you can gradually build up the sexual tension.”
12. "Omg, I’m so horny over here...”
There’s no shame in straight-up admitting that you’re horny, especially if you’re sexting a partner who you see all the time. Once this message pops up on their phone, it’ll be tough for them to ignore.
13. "I just got into bed and wish you were here with me.”
This is a subtle way to hint that you want them without actually saying it. “The goal is to set a scene where the other person would like to join you,” Kelleher-Andrews says.
Are you in bed? Drinking wine alone on the couch? Admit that it’d be 100 times better if they were next to you and see what they say.
14. "I can’t wait to get home and have you all to myself."
Send this message earlier in the day to build anticipation for later on. Follow up by describing what you’re going to do, in explicit detail.
15. "Tell me how you like to touch yourself.”
If you’re feeling extra — and have an established connection — dive right in with something over-the-top like this. Imagine the look on their face when they glance down at their phone and see this. With the right person, confident, bold statements like this one can be so hot.
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker
Sophie Mona Pagès, relationship expert
Amber Kelleher-Andrews, relationship expert
This article was originally published on