Married People Are Giving Singles Their Best Advice On Love & It's Eye-Opening

by Laken Howard
Ashley Batz/Bustle

When you're in a long-term relationship with someone, you make tons of decisions together, both big and small, but there's perhaps no decision more monumental in a relationship than taking the leap and deciding to get married. Marriage might not be for every couple, but for the couples who do want to tie the knot, it's helpful to have an understanding of what marriage is really like *before* going into it — and naturally, the best advice about marriage usually comes from married (or formerly married) people.

In a recent AskReddit thread, one user asked married men and women to share the advice they would give to singles about marriage, and their responses are proof that marriage is not a decision you should make lightly. As romantic as the idea of getting married and spending forever with your partner is, marriage is also a huge commitment, and it requires a lot of work (on the part of both partners) to make a marriage last. From knowing how to communicate effectively to making sure you're compatible on the deepest levels, there are so many things you should explore in your relationship prior to getting engaged.

If you're thinking that getting married is in the near future for you and your partner, here are 13 pieces of marriage advice to keep in mind, as told by people who have been there, wed that.


Keep Your Eyes Peeled For Red Flags

When you love someone, it can be hard to look objectively at your relationship and notice potential red flags — but when it comes to something as serious as marriage, it's crucial that you don't go into it blindly ignoring things that might cause problems down the line.


Loving Someone Is A Choice

When you're married, it's unrealistic to assume that every day will be filled with super lovey-dovey romantic feelings. Remember that you can make the choice to love your spouse, even on the "bad days."


Talk About The Future Before Committing To It

If marriage is on the horizon, it's important to have a conversation with your partner about what you both want for your future together — where to live, how many kids to have, etc. If those visions don't align, it might not be meant to be.


Only Get Married If You *Really* Want To

Marriage isn't for everyone, and if you're on the fence and feel like your partner is pressuring you to get married, things are bound to end poorly — so only get married if you truly want to be married.


Try To See Things From Your Partner's Perspective

In a marriage (or any long-term relationship), arguments are inevitable — but if you're able to take a step back and view things from your partner's perspective instead of just your own, you'll be able to navigate conflict in your marriage much easier.


Trust Is Essential

Trust is one of the building blocks of any healthy marriage; without it, a marriage can't last. If there are any trust issues in your relationship, it's better to resolve those before tying the knot.


Communicate What You Want In Your Marriage

There's a huge difference between knowing what you want for your marriage — and being confident enough to communicate that — and setting unrealistic, unfair, and even unspoken expectations for your partner that you want them to meet. The latter will only end in disappointment.


Use Your Individual Strengths To Lift Each Other Up

The perk of partnership? When the going gets tough, you can each use your individual strengths to help support one another. And it's OK if that support feels lopsided at times: an equal partnership doesn't necessarily mean effort is always 50/50.


Mutual Respect Is Mandatory

Another building block of all healthy marriages? A shared sense of mutual respect. If one of you doesn't respect the other, it's unlikely that your marriage will be able to survive in the long-term.


Discuss Finances Before Marriage

It's not always easy to talk finances with your partner, but if you're planning to get married, it's absolutely crucial that you're on the same page about money — and are aware of one another's financial habits and history.


Don't Rush Into Marriage

If there's one decision in life that you should never rush, it's marriage. It's OK to take your time in a relationship, and if you realize that it's not a fit long-term with someone, don't be afraid to break up and search for someone who's a better fit — because you should never settle when it comes to marriage.


Don't Let Minor Disagreements Become Major Rifts

It's normal to argue with your spouse, but it's important that each time you have a disagreement, you're able to talk it over and find a solution together — because if you never resolve them, even your smallest fights can cause major rifts in your relationship down the line.


Sharing Common Interests With Someone Isn't Always Enough

When you're dating, it's an awesome feeling if you share tons of common interests with your partner. But those surface-level commonalities aren't enough to make a marriage work: you also need to have a deeper level of compatibility beyond what your hobbies of choice are.

Sadly, there's no foolproof way to guarantee that any given marriage will last a lifetime — but if you're thinking of taking that next step, listening to words of marriage wisdom from those who've been married before you is never a bad idea if you want to help your marriage start out on the right foot.