If you have a clitoris, then you probably already know that
foreplay is often a necessity. While quickies are great and definitely have their place, the fact that the it takes about 20 minutes to get aroused means that more often than not, foreplay is definitely necessary. Sex tends to be better when we're fully aroused.
And according to a study by
sex toy retailer Lovehoney, people put foreplay above all else in their bedroom preferences. A survey of 4,500 people found that when it comes to what people prefer most in relationships, foreplay came in first, with kissing and orgasms coming in second and third, respectively. The reason that foreplay ranked higher than kissing and orgasms is because of the intimacy it creates, the exploration and learning of each other bodies that comes with it, and, of course, because it ups the chances of having an orgasm. In a world where the majority of women can't climax through intercourse alone and need not just clitoral stimulation but a warming up period, it's no surprise that foreplay is so adored. And even if you don't reach orgasm — it doesn't have to be the goal of sex, after all — foreplay still feels amazing.
Since July 31 is
National Orgasm Day, Lovehoney is calling July 30 Foreplay Day. In honor of this day, you just might want to step up your foreplay game. Here's how to do that.
"[S]pend a little time and energy setting the scene," New York–based relationship and etiquette expert of
Relationship Advice Forum, April Masini, tells Bustle. "Whether it’s hiring a masseuse to come into your home for a Saturday night couples massage — and you’ve got fluffy white robes, candles burning and cocktails with freshly sliced kiwis and berries to enjoy after — or having a roaring fire going in the fireplace, scented votives on the mantelpiece, flowers all around the house, chilled wine, a perfect meal, and a perfect [playlist] going."
According to Masini, it's about setting the scene for romance and investing in time to create just the right mood. Like anything, you have to invest in something if you want it to come to fruition.
"Invest some time in setting the scene for romance," says Masini. "It’ll put you both much more in the mood than if you come back to a messy home, with the same old, same old routine."
"Don’t wait until 11 p.m., when you’re both in bed after a long day, to get going," says Masini. "[W]hen you carve out space for romance and sex, you’re prioritizing the process and that’s going to lead to a much better time for all."
It's important to feel that skin-to-skin contact with your partner and that sexual intimacy in order to keep the relationship strong and evolving. When you rush physical intimacy, foreplay is usually the first thing to go, so make sure you're prioritizing your sex life and means setting aside time for it.
When we allow ourselves to be someone else we let go our inhibitions and it can feel amazing. For example,
try some role-playing by meeting up at a hotel or a bar can do wonders for your foreplay.
"Hotel sex isn’t just a cliche for nothing!" says Masini. "It’s hot and it’s private and it’s a chance to unleash your alter egos. There are no reminders of your real life in a hotel room, the way there is in your home. No clutter. No bulletin board... It’s a very sexy way to get your personal party started."
Make A Sexual Bucket List
If you've yet to
make a sexual bucket list, then it's time. Having a list from which you can pull from won't just give you new things to explore, sexually, but will open a dialogue between you and your about partner about what you've been secretly wanting to try.
"You can brainstorm and make it together, or make your own and share them," says Masini. "This is a very sexy way to get things going, slowly, and to build a romantic and sexual history together that opens communication and leaves no stone unturned. Romantic and sexual regrets sting. So make sure you talk to your partner about what you really want, and then play it out."
If July 31 is National Orgasm Day, then you know what you need to do July 30: work your way up to the big bang. With these foreplay upgrades, you have everything you need to do just that.