9 Small Mistakes That Can Create Boredom In Your Relationship, Even If You're With "The One"
Many people believe that once they find "The One," their relationship will be 100 percent easy, and they'll never feel bored with their partner again. But that's just not true. All relationships go through boring patches, and all couples need to do things to keep their initial spark alive. And that's OK.
In fact, it's common to feel some level of boredom — even with your soulmate. "All relationships start out as exciting, but some of that fades as you get to know the other person and what used to be 'new' becomes common," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. "This is normal and all couples have to realize that no relationship will always be exciting and new all the time." You're going to have lazy Tuesday nights, and the occasional boring weekend. But that doesn't mean your relationship is a bad one.
All it takes is a little effort to turn things around. As Bennett says "Many relationships turn boring because both partners have stopped trying to inject newness, passion, and excitement into the relationship. All of these qualities are necessary to keep a relationship healthy." Here are a few mistakes you and your partner should try to avoid to prevent your relationship from becoming boring, according to experts.
1. Sticking To A Predictable Routine
Even though it's healthy to have predictable, stable routines, it's important not to get too wrapped up in them to the point where you and your partner become bored with your lives — and possibly with each other.
"Routines can be comforting. But, too many are terrible for relationships," Bennett says. "Early relationships are exciting because they are fun and spontaneous. Long-term relationships become stale because everything is scheduled and boring."
That's why it's important to mix things up. Even peppering small changes into your week, such as getting coffee at a new cafe, can help keep things fresh.
2. Ignoring Each Other
While you should obviously feel free to check your email, or scroll through social media, one mistake many couples make is doing so too often — and accidentally ignoring each other as a result.
"I find that technology [...] can create disconnect and boredom, so I encourage couples to put the phones down from time to time and engage in conversation or listen to music that can connect them," therapist Jessica McCormack, LMFT, of Self Care Path, LLC, tells Bustle.
Whether you're eating dinner together, going on a date, or just hanging out, give each other your full attention. You never know what new things you'll learn about each other if you truly listen.
3. Spending Every Waking Moment Together
When you're with your "soulmate," it's likely you'll want to do everything together. And that's fine. But don't get sucked into the belief that you have to be connected at the hip, if you'd prefer not to be.
"If you spend all of your time with your partner, it’s easy to get bored [with each other]," Bennett says. So don't be afraid to "find activities that don’t involve your partner," such as hobbies that involve spending time alone or getting out of the house.
While you don't have to shun each other, having some alone time can make a big difference. "That brief absence provides just enough time apart to avoid seeing each other too much and feeling bored," Bennett says.
4. Avoiding Confrontation At All Costs
Even if you're with "The One," don't let that lull you into thinking you can't or shouldn't argue. Not only is it important to speak your mind and potentially disagree, but doing so in a healthy way can keep you both on your toes in a way that prevents boredom.
"If you’re constantly trying to please your partner, that means you’ve lost your passion," Bennett says. "All great relationships involve some type of conflict." You don't have to create fake arguments just for the sake of arguing, but don't try to prevent them, either.
5. Forgetting About Your "Spark"
While chemistry can be a natural thing, even "soulmate" couples have to make an effort to keep their initial relationship spark alive. So don't be afraid to put in that little bit of extra effort, possibly by having new experiences together, talking about new topics, going out on fun date nights, and so on.
"Research suggests that stagnation in relationships can start to make people feel as if they no longer have chemistry or interest in their partner," licensed psychologist Dr. Danielle Forshee, tells Bustle. "Shifting your routine every once in a while to include [...] little surprises or exciting activities will help combat boredom."
6. Forgetting To Celebrate
As the years go on, and you fall into those aforementioned routines, it can be easy to forget about anniversaries, small holidays, and even birthdays. But don't let these moments slip by unnoticed.
"Frequent celebrations demonstrate your love and appreciation for each other," Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka "Dr. Romance"), psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle. "Organize festivities with friends, or celebrate alone together. Go away for the weekend to mark a special event or simply to celebrate the fact of your continuing love [...] A celebration need not be expensive."
The point is that you acknowledge these moments, and each other.
7. Not Flirting With Each Other
Think back to the earliest days of your relationship, and what attracted you to your partner. You likely did a lot of flirting, and a lot of trying to impress one another. And that shouldn't stop.
"Whatever makes you swoon, make sure it's a regular part of your lives so that things stay spicy," Andrea Amour, founder of UpDate Coaching, tells Bustle.
8. Forgoing Date Night
While you might think date nights are reserved for people who are just getting to know each other, they're actually a tradition you should try to keep now, and into the future.
And, if you're already going out on dates, be sure to switch it up. "Try different restaurants in [different] towns," Xanet Pailet, Sex Coach and author of Living an Orgasmic Life, tells Bustle. "Look for fun couples activities like [...] massages. Take a partner dance class, partner yoga class, or go tandem biking. Splurge and spend a night in a hotel!" Anything that'll get you out of your comfort zone, and insert some fun back into your relationship.
9. Being Too Serious
Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of taking yourselves — or life in general — too seriously. Instead, make it a point to laugh, have fun, and be lighthearted with each other.
"Through laughter, you and your partner can relieve pressure and remind yourselves that you're human," Dr. Tessina says. "A joke, a silly gesture [...] or gift can often heighten intimacy." And help stave off any feelings of boredom.
While you certainly can't expect to have fun 24/7, that doesn't mean you should stop making an effort, or allow your relationship to lose it's spark. By avoiding certain mistakes, like the ones above, you and your partner can prevent this from happening.