While it's important to remember not to push or rush a connection, there are some ways you can feel closer to your partner without forcing things along. Believe it or not, there are some tips to foster a newfound love or closeness that can bring you together in a way you may not have experienced before.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on improving their relationships, especially their romantic ones. All relationships require lots of effort and maintenance in order for it to be successful both short- and long-term; however, there are some little tricks to help grow that depth and connection, where you can amplify those feelings of love and keep those butterflies in your stomach.
Of course, love requires constant time and attention to keep it going. Once you commit to a relationship, effort and care is still needed to be put in thereafter. So, don't assume simple tricks are enough to keep your connection alive. However, as long as you keep strengthening your relationship and sharing that love, in a reciprocal manner, experts say you're bound to have a higher probability of working out for the future. Here are nine ways to deepen your connection with your partner, according to experts.
1. Follow Through With Promises
"If someone can trust you, they probably will feel more comfortable having the relationship move forward. Trust is a huge part of why relationships move forward or why they breakup," relationship expert Stef Safran, tells Bustle. If you show you're reliable and can be there when needed, it'll let your partner feel that extra closeness and confirmation. It doesn't have to be grand gestures or displays of trust, either — just steady follow-through on your commitments to each other that may seem small in the moment, but add to a much larger, stronger relationship whole.
2. Spend Quality Time Together
Whether it be planning a weekly date night or having a night in together, always carve out time to be with each other. And when you're spending that quality time together, let things flow naturally and give your partner your undivided attention. "Spend time watching a movie together and not check your phone or email," says Safran. "Show that you want to be in their company and make this a regular plan."
3. Figure Out Their Love Language
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five love languages — words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch — that we use to express and understand love. Everyone has a love language in terms of how they communicate in romantic relationships and what they desire, or at the very least certain types of love languages they may respond to more than others. So, pay attention to what your partner's is and talk about how you can support each other. "Find out what type of love language they have; and make sure to do things that will make them happy," says Safran.
4. Give A Passionate Kiss
When the moment takes you, kissing is always a good idea. "Looking passionately into their eyes before you kiss them," is a good way to build connection, relationship coaches Dana Lam and Martin Kupper tell Bustle. "So often we go with the flow and kisses are just a little peck hear or there." But if you take a moment to deepen that kiss, your partner will certainly notice, Lam and Kupper say.
5. Make Eye Contact
Show gratitude and passion by keeping eye contact. "When you take the time to reflect upon and deepen the gratitude you feel towards your partner, they can feel it," matchmaker and Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Bregman tells Bustle. "It's almost like a 'vibe' you give off, and it can be conveyed in the quality of your touch, or even in the manner in which you make eye contact." Additionally, a study shows that the mere act of eye contact inspires its own kind of intimacy — that the moment eyes connect, it triggers a sense for the other person's state of mind and agency as an individual human being, and vice versa. Taking the time to check in with each other in this quick, nonverbal gesture is an easy way to help anticipate each other's thoughts and needs, and help keep an open dialogue about them.
6. Be In The Present Moment
Be with your partner fully to make them feel your love, without the need for words. "When you've been with someone for a while, it's easy to fall into a rut," says Bregman. But if you take the time to disconnect from your phone, or any outside distractions, your partner will feel a greater connection knowing you're being completely present with them, says Bregman.
7. Do A Small Act Of Kindness
Little gestures that make your partner's life easier show how much you care. "Whether it's packing your [significant other] a lunch before they rush out to a crazy-hectic day of work, or stopping by the mall to pick up a ... phone case for your [partner] to save [them] a trip — these are the kinds of non-verbal actions which show you are deeply invested in this relationship, and seeking active ways to make your partner's life better," says Bregman. What's great about this particular method is that it really is the smaller gestures that count; even something like asking if you can pick them up dinner on the way home or making a quick call to help them schedule an appointment is a nice reminder that there's someone in their corner, paying attention to their day-to-day needs.
8. Touch Them More
Even if physical touch isn't your love language, try an affectionate touch or caress to bring you closer to your partner. Or, if you're both game, maybe even try a massage. "Receiving a massage has been shown to increase levels of oxytocin, the brain chemical that bonds two people together," relationship counselor Jonathan Bennett tells Bustle. "So, if you want your partner to fall more deeply in love, extended physical touch will do the trick."
9. Listen To Them
Listening to your partner is a good way to make them feel appreciated. "You do not have to say a word or try to fix any problems, but lending a listening ear can go a long way to make your partner fall deeper in love with you because they feel heard," Kiaundra Jackson, LMFT tells Bustle.
If you're looking for ways to strengthen your bond with your partner, these are a few ways that can help. Just remember, be authentic and kind, and you're already half way there.
This article was published on December 27, 2017. It was updated on June 17, 2019.