How Sex Is Different When You’re With Your Soulmate
When it comes to sex and sexuality, every individual experiences things differently. Nonetheless, people have discovered that when they settle down with the person they feel meant to be with, things in the bedroom do change. Sex with your soulmate is not always supercharged, but experts agree, it opens up the door to a new kind of sexual freedom.
"In general, sex is better when you are open and comfortable, shame-free and able to trust," Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen, PhD tells Bustle. "To the degree that your soulmate opens the door to all of that, sex with them can be better than ever." Some people prefer wild, care-free sex with strangers, but really getting to know someone and letting them into your heart can change up the chemistry of the bedroom.
Despite what you may think, having sex with a soulmate or long-term partner can also tap into some of the more liberating energy that is typically associated with casual sex. It boils down to trust, and it can create an environment where anything that's desired is possible. Sex experts have identified certain qualities that are often seen in couples with the deepest connections. And if you share these experiences with the person you love, then they just might be "The One."
Here are 8 ways sex is different when you're with your soulmate, according to experts.
1. There's Deep Trust
Knowing someone's body, and not having to think about things too much, can be quite sexually liberating. Trusting one another on the deepest level can also open doors to new experiences that you didn't even know you were looking for. "[With soulmates, most importantly,] there's the trust," Dr. Laura Deitsch, Vibrant's resident sexologist, tells Bustle. "Sharing your darkest, naughtiest secrets can be exhilarating and, for some, might only happen with a special someone." You'll experience new feelings, and trust can help your partner guide you through them together.
2. It Can Be More Relaxing
While, on one hand, having sex with a long-term partner may be less thrilling, it can also be a huge relief. The pressure is off, and you may find that you can settle into the relaxation of sex (even when it's wild), in a way you hadn't before. "The feelings of relaxation and connection with that person can open the door to heightened feelings of love and belonging, which is a potent experience when you're having sex," Queen says. "It can help people open up emotionally and activate brain hormones like oxytocin, and the feelings of bonding ... can change not only how you emotionally feel, but also the physical pleasure you experience." This way, sex can be used as a method to de-stress and unwind, in a way you haven't experienced before.
3. You Might Find It Easier To Orgasm
Sex experts agree that being with someone you really feel comfortable around can make orgasms a lot easier. And while a good orgasm doesn't mean you should rush down the aisle, you can likely expect sex with your soulmate to increase the likelihood of climax.
"Some people may find it's easier to have an orgasm," Queen explains. "A notable factor is the sense that you are 'at home,' really comfortable in the relationship, exactly where you want to be: this can get people into a relaxed and receptive space that takes them out of the 'all up in your head' state that is often the case during sex and which affects one's ability to fully respond." Being emotionally and physically safe lets you really experience the feelings in your body, even feelings that you may not have felt with any partner beforehand.
4. You Might Be More Open To Trying Something New
With trust, you shouldn't expect complacency. Being with your soulmate might actually mean that you'll be more open to adventure than ever before. "People may find themselves much more open to exploring different types of sex, doing things they would not have chosen to do in a hook-up or more casual context," Queen says.
Physical and emotional intimacy open a lot of doors for your sex life. "For many who feel they have found a person they are going to be with for the long-term, there is a sense of security in talking about needs and desires," Licensed Mental Health Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist, Kristin Marie Bennion, tells Bustle. "When this happens, such open communication can lead to a lot more sexual pleasure, connection and fun in the relationship!” So if you feel more trusting than ever, it could be a good sign for your relationship all-around.
5. It Might Feel Spiritual
One of the most surprising aspects of sex with your soulmate is that it sometimes genuinely seems to take on another dimension. "Couples who are very connected with each other can often experience sex as having a spiritual quality, which takes the relationship to an ever deeper level," Xanet Pailet, Sex and Intimacy Coach, and author of Living An Orgasmic Life, tells Bustle. It may sound way different than anything you've experienced before, but there's even a science behind it.
6. You Shouldn't Feel Shame Any More
Shame should never be part of sex. But, unfortunately, sometimes people get wrapped up in the awkward parts of sex and their insecurities about their bodies. With a soulmate, however, this all may go away. You can talk about what you need, and what you don't, with absolute openness. "You can be much more vulnerable and authentic and not be concerned that your partner will judge or shame you for expressing all of your sexual desires and needs," Pailet says. And that's pretty liberating.
7. It Can Be Really Easy To Turn Them On
Knowing everything about someone can sometimes feel unsexy, but, when it comes to turn-ons, it's actually a key to a lot of fun exploration. "Just ... knowing someone can make sex hotter," Dr. Deitsch explains. "If you are well-versed in the kinds of sex talk that gets them going, you have an advantage. If you've shared past stories of exciting times, reminding them can spark some sizzle that a stranger can't." So play around with this knowledge you have. Even a long-term relationship can have a bit of teasing.
With a soulmate, sex likely won't magically change over night. But as you get to know each other, and each other's bodies, you may experience sex in a different way than ever before. It should feel quite natural, exploratory, and — above all else — fun.