How To Have A Quickie That Leaves You Both Satisfied
The "quickie" is often celebrated as a fun way to have sex without taking any real time out of your day. But the logistics aren't exactly straightforward. How do you get turned on quickly enough to have a quickie without anything getting painful? And is it realistic for you both to orgasm with such a limited amount of time?
Logistically difficult as they may be, quickies can be a great way to keep your love and passion alive when you're both busy. "Keeping love and sex alive in your relationship is what keeps the relationship alive," Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (aka "Dr. Romance"), psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle. "It’s like the roots that feed the tree. To keep that vital energy going, and the sap rising, you need to provide something new and interesting. Seduction can be as simple as causing your partner to ask what you’ve been doing that has you so energized and interested. When you’re enthusiastic, you’re seductive — it’s the most attractive we can be."
Here are some ways to make sure you're both getting a lot out of a quickie — or at least as much as you can get out of something you do during your coffee break.
1. Use Toys
If you're looking to finish quickly, for many people, nothing beats a sex toy. "We get so hung up on penetrative sex that we forget the science of its inefficacy: most women don't’ reach orgasm from penetration alone, and those who engage in a range of behaviors (oral, manual, toys and even anal) are more likely to report having had an orgasm during their last sexual encounter," Astroglide's resident sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly tells Bustle. She recommends the We-Vibe Pivot and We-Vibe Tango, but the Satisfyer Pro 2 and Womanizer Deluxe are also extremely efficient sex toys.
2. Use Lube
A quickie may not leave you with enough time to get as wet as you normally would, so bring lube to make sure the sex stays comfortable. Lovability's Hallelubeyah is good for this because it comes in a cute little tube that fits easily in your purse. Or, get a free sample pack from Astroglide. "Whether you’re having a quickie in bed, in the shower, or in the front seat of your car, having lube on-hand will make sex more satisfying and exciting for both of you," says Dr. Jess.
3. Put On Music
This hack can help you get in the mood for sex quicker, especially if you play romantic or sexy songs. "By playing loud music, you not only drown out the sounds around you, but music can shift your mood, improve your perspective, boost confidence, and help you to relax — all of which have the potential to improve your sex life," says Dr. Jess. "The contagion hypothesis suggests that we mimic what we hear in our environment, so create a playlist that helps to cultivate the emotions you need to feel in order to get in the mood."
4. Talk Dirty
What music can't provide, your partner's voice might. "Dirty talk is the nectar of the sexual gods," says Dr. Jess. "Tell your lover just how badly you want them ('I need you and nothing else will do'), how much they turn you on ('I took a peek and can’t stop thinking about you in the shower'), and what you want from them ('I want you to give it to me so I can’t stop begging for more'). Many of us are turned on by the feelings of being desired and being a great lover, so stroke their ego to get them all hot and bothered."