I had my birth chart read for the first time in 2010. It was a rough period in my life. I had just come out of toxic relationship, my career had yet to start, my depression was in high gear, and to say I was miserable and lost would be a huge understatement. I felt that in getting input from the Universe, I'd feel a sense of hope. I wasn't looking for answers; I was looking for comfort. Comfort I got.
"Perhaps the most common reason that people come to me or search online for a birth chart reading is the search for direction," Psychic Medium Imelda Green tells Bustle. "This is the one word I would use to describe the main thing that people are in search of. This applies to love, finance, career, anything family related — it all comes back to direction. What direction should I go? How should I proceed? Who should I give my love/attention/time/money to?" But that's not exactly what their motivation should be.
"People (mistakenly) consider a birth chart reading to be a mystical map that will reveal the direction they should travel in," Green says. "In my experience, the exact opposite is usually true. The motivation to get a birth chart reading should not be to see where you are going. It should be to see where you are right now with complete clarity. Forget the future and embrace the power that 'now' holds. This is the best way to really benefit from a birth chart reading."
I haven't had my chart read since that day in 2010, but I figured it was time. I'm in a strange place in my life, in regards to love and relationships (and sex), and felt I needed to bring in an expert. I asked Green to read my chart and give me that complete clarity she mentioned. Here are nine revelations I had based on what Green had to tell me.
1I Need To Work On My Personal Relationships
Before we delved into the relationships and sex goodies, I asked to Green to read the part of my chart that reveals who I am in regards to my personality. When I first read it, I was shocked. Not shocked in a bad way, but no one likes a mirror held in front of their face when they're not expecting it. So I got emotional. Then, as I do with most things in life, I ran the findings past my mom. I think part of me hoped she'd say that Green's reading was wrong; no such luck. Instead my mom's response was, "Wow. She nailed it."
"You feel a deep connection with people on a level that most cannot understand. Sometimes it is so deep that you too struggle to understand it."
"When I read your chart, Amanda, I sensed an energy that almost lifted me off my feet," says Green. "You are a kinetic force and you apply that force in almost all aspects of your life. Sometimes this energy is without an outlet and on these occasions the force of the energy turns you inwards on yourself. This can be destructive, particularly when it comes to close personal relationships. The sun in Libra, with your time of birth means that your main trait is tenacity for better and a lot of times for the worse. You feel a deep connection with people on a level that most cannot understand. Sometimes it is so deep that you too struggle to understand it. This can lead to withdrawal or the presentation of a false self-image as a defensive mechanism."
All of this is very true, most notably the destructive behavior when it comes to personal relationships, withdrawal, and false self-image parts. In fact, if I were to list examples in my life that prove these details about me to be true, we'd be here until next week. I'm well aware of these things about myself. I'm so aware that I've been meaning to work on them, but haven't. Because I've been busy... withdrawing and pretending I'm something I'm not to keep people at arm's length when it suits me.
2I Use My Past Relationships To Fuel My Fire
With the end of each relationship for me, comes that, "I'll show him!" moment. It is, absolutely, as Green pointed, out my fuel that propels me in many ways — romantically, personally, professionally, you name it. However, I only let that fuel get me so far, before I let my need to light the fire lapse, which is something I shouldn't do. I should use that fuel until I finally get to where I was hoping to get in the first place.
"Your chart tells me that past relationships have only served to increase the momentum and energy in your life," says Green. Yep.
3I'm An Escape Artist
As did many of the results, this one also punched me in the gut. "Although you may consider yourself above and clear of past hurt I sense that these experiences are the fuel for your engine that keeps you moving," says Green. "The constant pursuit of new experiences to feed this hunger when it comes to relationships is proving to be detrimental to your overall being. Sometimes you need to stop and consume the here and now without a thought for the past or the future."
As I write this, I'm in Barcelona. Before that I was in Rome, Paris, South Korea, Vietnam, and Japan. I may have been in the States over the holidays, but at this point in my life I spend more time out of New York City than in it. I'm not trying to find myself as some do (that I'm very sure of), but I'm totally trying to outrun the hurt I've experienced but replacing it with sitting under cherry blossoms in Tokyo or going on safaris in South Africa... as any escape artist would do. Unfortunately, as much as Green may want me to take this revelation and actually do something that will no longer be detrimental to me, that's not going to happen anytime soon. I was awake until 4 a.m. last night trying to figure out what foreign country I can run off to next.
4I'm Shallow AF In My Current Relationships
I've been casually seeing a guy from Venezuela here in Barcelona for over a year now. It's easy to be casual because I breeze in and out of the city, only staying a month or two at a time, and because it's near-impossible for me to open up to him — or anyone for that matter. Even the other night, as he cuddled up against, I felt myself stiffen and immediately reached for his penis, because you can't have anything meaningful if you keep it all about sex, right?
"The search for more experiences (fuel for the engine) is preventing you from enjoying and deepening some of your current relationships."
While I may not be shallow, in the superficial meaning of the word, I'm definitely shallow when it comes to my current relationships. Even if he, or anyone, was able to breakdown my exterior, he'd still have several more walls and a maze to get through, before having to jump over a fiery pit to get to the me who's hiding out of sight.
"I sense a shallowness in your current relationships which for people with the same positioning of the moon as you have in your chart is relatively common," says Green. "The search for more experiences (fuel for the engine) is preventing you from enjoying and deepening some of your current relationships. Would it really be so bad if you lowered your drawbridge even just a little?"
Short answer: Yes. I lowered it slightly for the guy who breadcrumbed me. It backfired. Bigly.
5I Need To Find The Long-Haired Man
Although this may sound like a storyline from Twin Peaks, it's not. In regards to lowering that drawbridge of mine, Green also said: "I can think of two men (one with long hair?) who would definitely appreciate a little more of your time."
Who is this long-haired man? Also, who is the one who doesn't have long hair and what kind of hair does he have? Not too surprisingly, I took to Facebook to look at every single guy I'm friends with to try to figure it out; as if, hair aside, there'd be an immediate internal reaction when I laid my eyes on these guys. No such luck. Which leads to believe I'm not as intuitive as I thought or, even better, I'm not friends with them on Facebook. Because they're famous. And the one with long hair is named Father John Misty.
6It's Going To Take Some Effort On My Part To Settle Down
When I asked Green if I, permanent wanderer of the world Amanda Chatel, would ever settle down, she said yes. This was something that I shared with my mother who was both relieved and unsure of, because I think settling down is, in some ways, being tamed. And being tamed is something I've avoided my entire life like the plague it is.
Basically, if I want to find everlasting love, I need to tell Mercury to eff off.
"It’s going to take a long time [to settle down]," says Green. "Your opposition moon is Mercury and it is one of the key drivers that keep pushing you forward on this shallow plane. Think of yourself as a stone skimming the surface of a lake. Mercury wants you to keep skimming forever more. I say that sinking into the water does not always have to be negative. Embrace the depth and enrich yourself with a lasting relationship."
Basically, if I want to find everlasting love, I need to tell Mercury to eff off. I've never told a planet off before, so I'm not sure how that will go, but I'll try it out when I'm ready.
7I Have Unrealistic Expectations
Of course I asked Green what I'm ultimately looking for in a relationship because, honestly, I have no idea. I know I'd like to be with someone who has awesome taste in music and can tie a tie, but I don't think that's the sort of stuff that makes for a lasting relationship — maybe I'm wrong.
So what am I looking for in a partner? "Something you have never had before," says Green. "A connection that goes beyond what we would understand as physical or spiritual."
I interpret this as an unrealistic expectation, because having unrealistic expectations in partners and love has been my thing forever. Like, I may have invented it. "You will know this person when you make love to them for the first time," adds Green. "I suspect they will be an Aries with their Moon in the Ascendant." This is actually great news, because I'm running out of time over here.
8I'm Killer In The Sack
OK; not quite, but sometimes one chooses to interpret things as they wish. Like when a friend says, "I'm having the last slice of pizza," and I grab it first, because I interpreted that they wanted me to have it.
"With Mars in your chart, you are what we would call us psychics would call a 'fearless explorer'"
What does the chart say about my sex life? "A lot of the traits mentioned already continue into your sex life," says Green. "The skimming stone on the lake versus the depth of a true connection is apparent. It did make me laugh a little because with Mars in your chart, you are what we would call us psychics would call a 'fearless explorer'."
See? "Fearless explorer" equals "killer in the sack."
9I Need To Make Better Decisions
While my life and my choices may not, technically, be mistakes, I do realize I need to get my sh*t together. I knew this before Green read my chart, but to see it all spelled out for me by her just solidified that I need less moments where I say, "I've made a huge mistake" à la Arrested Development and more where I ask, "Well, isn't this lovely?" (Which is something I assume people who make less mistakes might ask.) In other words, I have my past laid out behind me, my present in my lap, and my future with which I can do anything if only I make the right decisions or, at the very least, better decisions. I'll never regret my past, but I can at least take my fumbles and learn from them — even if learning from my mishaps is far from my strong suit.
So what next? "Take this information and really try to understand it," says Green. "When I say meditate on it I mean really focus on what this imagery means for you and your life today. Try and avoid rushing to imaginations about the future or regrets about the past. Use it for now. To live in the now and apply it to your life. Now."
You got it, Imelda.
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