Whether you believe it or not, there are many people who are convinced dreams are more important than commonly thought. For some, behind dreams there are untouched emotions, begging for attention. If you get caught up in a sexual fantasy, know that those sex dreams have meaning, and it might be worth it to dig a little deeper to see what you're feeling. Also, if it's about someone you know, be cautious, as it could affect your relationship and make things super complicated.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on becoming fully self-aware, really understanding themselves, their needs, goals, and emotions. It's hard to be totally honest with yourself, or to even just notice smaller, simple truths, when most of our daily lives are spent in the real world, with a mundane schedule that doesn't leave much room for reflection. That's where dreams come into play. When you're alone in bed, your inner thoughts can break free. If you have a sex dream, it could mean you're looking for some external desires or answers to a current or potential relationship. Here are 9 different types of sex dreams that might pop up (as they're actually pretty common). Instead of brushing them off, take a moment to evaluate them and figure out your next steps.
1. Your Partner Cheating On You
You might not always be the star; in fact, you mind find yourself dreaming of other people having sex, like a significant other, for instance. According to Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, a professional Dream Analyst and author of the book Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life, to Bustle over email, if you imagine your partner cheating, it could mean you're insecure in your relationship and should communicate your issues.
2. Dominating Someone/Being Dominated
According to psychological assistant, Cadyn Cathers, MA, over email with Bustle, any dreams related to control issues (being extra dominant or desiring aggression), can be symbolic of other control issues going on in your life. Think about work, your relationship, and how you feel within your real life surroundings.
3. Sleeping With Someone "Inappropriate"
A sex dream with your partner's sibling? A work colleague? A best friend? All of these people might appear inappropriate, as your relationships with them shouldn't be sexual. "It is your mind's way of releasing the feeling, the temptation, validating it, and processing it appropriately," says Dr. Nancy Irwin, to Bustle. Then, after ask yourself: "What is the parallel of this image/object/person/event in my life at this moment?" Your mind's job is to make associations, to connect the dots and make sense of the world, Irwin says.
4. Not Performing Well
While women can have dreams about not performing well in bed, it's super common for men to feel impotent and insecure in their dreams, says Irwin. "If a man dreams about having erectile dysfunction, it may reflect that he is feeling weak or powerless in another area of his life at the time of the dream....not necessarily a literal reflection of his sexual performance," Irwin explains.
5. Having Sex In Public
"This isn’t about your desire to be an exhibitionist. Instead, this type of dream relates to feeling vulnerable, self conscious and exposed in front of others," says ABS Certified Clinical Sexologist and psychologist Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, to Bustle over email. "You may be worried that something embarrassing or secretive is going to be exposed or that others will judge you about something," Milrad says, and this anxiety could come up in a sexual dream.
6. Having Sex With An Ex
"Sometimes your ex shows up in a dream and you wonder if it's a sign that they are in fact your soulmate and you should rethink your break up. Most likely, they are in your subconscious because you have had some reminder of them in your life," says Milrad. Maybe you saw a post on Facebook or are coming upon a date that used to be significant to the two of you, like an anniversary. Here's the catch though: "If you find your ex has a starring role in your thoughts, then it may reflect something more and you want to take some time to investigate what that is about," Milrad cautions.
7. Having Sex With Someone Famous
"Sure, you’re obviously attracted to this person and may have even used their image as fantasy during sexual experiences. However, when they show up in your dream as your sexual partner, it isn’t just another layer of having a crush on them," says Milrad. Unfortunately, "most often, dreams about having sex with someone famous reflect your desire to feel special, important in the world and have people take note of you. This may stem from feeling the opposite in your day to day life," Milrad explains.
8. Abusive Or Violent Sex
"If you are violated and/or abused sexually in a dream, it is worth considering whether something like this has ever occurred in waking life," says dreamworker and relationship expert Kezia Vida to Bustle over email. There's also a big difference between actually being abused in a dream and fearing that you will be. "If you are worried that you may be recovering memories of a trauma, seek support. Often dreams will reflect sexual trauma that we have experienced in an effort to help us process," says Vida. Also, "even if you feel certain that this violation didn't occur in your current life, it can be helpful to understand your experience in the dream as a wound you are carrying," Vida adds.
9. Mind-Blowing AF Sex
Well, here's a good one. If you dream of ecstatic or bone-shaking sex, that's awesome right? "These dreams can make for a powerful meditation, especially if you are having trouble accessing your desire in waking life," says Vida. Also, don't forget: Whatever you feel in a dream, you are capable of feeling in waking life. Consider exploring how to achieve that ecstasy when you're awake, Vida says.
If you have any of these sex dreams, consider speaking to a therapist or professional to find some answers and initiate the healing process, when applicable. As for the really good dreams, maybe try spicing up your sex life, bringing those fantasies to life.