How To Do The Intimacy-Boosting Lotus Sex Position

Consider this your guide.

by Laken Howard and Lexi Inks
Originally Published: 
How to do the lotus sex position to build intimacy with your partner.
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When creating intimacy with your partner, a variety of things may come to mind. Asking thoughtful questions, being present while sharing quality time, or even giving them a genuine compliment can build this in a relationship. While those are relatively easy things to do, it can still be easy to let building intimacy in your relationship fall to the wayside… especially in your sex life. And that’s where trying new sex positions can help bring the heat.

If you and your partner share a home together, the spiciness of your sex life is more likely to simmer down, according to research. One 2019 study in the British Medical Journal found that, on average, cohabitating couples only had sex three times per month. While weekly sex isn’t a requirement for a healthy relationship, you could opt for an intimacy-enhancing move in the bedroom — such as the lotus sex position.

"[The lotus] position is perfect for promoting intimacy, connection, warmth, and of course, orgasms," Brit Burr, sex expert and editor-at-large of Psych N Sex, tells Bustle. If you’re intrigued, read on for expert tips on how to nail the lotus sex position the next time you’re looking to get intimate with your partner.

Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

What Is The Lotus Sex Position?

The lotus sex position stays true to its name — together, you and your partner will create the shape of a lotus flower. You’ll just need a little bit of flexibility to do it.

“Have one partner, usually the one penetrating, sit upright with their legs crisscrossed,” sex educator and professor Janielle Bryan, MPH CHES, tells Bustle. “The second partner faces them and lowers their body down into their lap. From here the partner on top can wrap their legs tightly around their torso.”

Benefits Of The Lotus Sex Position

The closeness involved in the lotus sex position — which can be used and enjoyable for partners with any genitals — makes it a great way to create intimacy between you and your partner, Bryan says. “With the two partners facing one another and in such close proximity, they're able to clearly see their partner's facial expression in response to what's happening,” she tells Bustle, noting this also helps each partner receive any non-verbal or verbal cues. Facing each other directly also offers the chance to explore kissing in various upper body areas like the neck or the shoulders.

"Because your entire bodies are touching in the position, it is incredibly intimate and it is the perfect angle for kissing and embracing," Burr adds. "Additionally, because of the angle of entry, you can use a back and forth motion as well as an up and down motion to help stimulate an internal orgasm."

Instead of settling for just one mind-blowing, body-warming orgasm, why not settle into lotus position and strive for multiple orgasms? As if the possibility of multiple O's isn't enticing enough, there's one other hidden benefit of the lotus position: It's super versatile, meaning you might never get bored of it. Here are four ways to switch up the lotus position so it always feels fresh and new.

1. Try It In Reverse

As the great Missy Elliott once said, it's never a bad idea to put that thang down, flip it, and reverse it — and the same rule applies to your favorite sex positions, too. If you want a break from face-to-face lotus (and want to give your partner a hot new view), try doing the lotus position in reverse, instead.

"Though this will change the position from lotus to a sitting reverse cowgirl, it's a great variation and still allows for a ton of skin-on-skin contact, warmth, and intimacy," Burr says. "Have your partner sit on a chair or bed and either sit or kneel on top of them, facing away from them. Let them wrap their arms around you and let yourself enjoy the closeness."

2. Bring A Vibrator Into The Mix

Technically, bringing a vibrator into bed with you can spice up any old position, but it'll be especially hot to use one in lotus. Because you and your partner are already so close, there will be tons of great, feel-good friction as it is — and adding the pleasurable vibrations of a couple's sex toy will only up the intensity.

"Place a vibrator on your clit, [and] you can even have your partner hold it," Burr says. "Because you are in such close quarters it will likely be able to stimulate both partners at the same time. Try moving it back and forth between partners if it doesn't reach both at the same time." Bryan adds that the position is ideal for exploring nipple play using your partner’s mouth or toys such as nipple clamps.

3. Do It In A Chair

Sometimes a change of scenery can make all the difference: If you're bored of getting it on in the bedroom, straddle your partner and try out the lotus position from the comfort of your favorite chair instead.

"Sometimes it can be difficult to find a good rhythm/range of motion in lotus, so it can really help if the person on top has something to grip like the back of a chair," Burr says. "It can be even more fun if you do it somewhere where you don't commonly get intimate like at the kitchen table or in your office chair."

4. Play Around With Light Bondage

If you're already into or have been wanting to experiment with some light bondage, lotus is the perfect position to try it out in — all you need is some handcuffs or silk ties to seriously raise the stakes of this position.

"Using either ropes, ribbons, handcuffs, or ties of any kind, fasten either one or both of your hands together and then wrap your arms around each other so you have the feeling of being bound together," Burr says. "Or try binding the hands of the person in the bottom for a feeling of domination."

No matter how you choose to spice it up (or whether you prefer to stick to the classic version), the lotus is one position that won't disappoint.


Brit Burr, sex expert and editor-at-large of Psych N Sex

Janielle Bryan, MPH CHES, sex educator and professor

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