In any facet of a relationship, communication is the secret sauce that keeps things thriving. That goes for everything in and out of the bedroom. When you’re actively expressing your wants, needs, and preferences, you’re going to build intimacy, which in itself makes sex better. The easiest way to launch into a deep, sexy conversation? Asking your partner a whole bunch of freaky questions.
“Communicating about sex with a partner is especially intimacy-building, but just about any communication helps to serve this purpose, especially if it's about [the] relationship or other deeply-felt issues,” Carol Queen, Ph.D., sex educator and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, tells Bustle. “Sexual communication specifically can involve expressing desires and interests; boundaries and limits; things about your body and arousal patterns; and all this creates a rich field for better pleasuring each other and feeling seen and connected (providing your partner takes this in with respect and acts on the info),” she adds.
If you’re asking your partner freaky questions and they don’t respond in a kind way or consider your requests, this is also important to know. Sometimes, a partner may find this type of communication too much or too fast, which can cause them to shut down emotionally. “This might be a problem,” Queen says, “but it can also help you adjust intensity or ‘soon-ness’ of communication to help them feel less overwhelmed. Successfully tackling something like this could also be highly intimacy-building.” In other cases, they may not care to take in or act on what you’re trying to tell them. “This is not intimacy-building, but it can be valuable for a person who can see that there might be issues in the relationship,” says Queen.
For the couples ready to talk on the dirty side and ask each other some hot and freaky questions, here are 65 ideas to get started — from the mild to the extra spicy.
Mild Freaky Questions
- What’s your favorite part of my body?
- How would you feel if I talked more in bed?
- What are some things that make you feel like getting sexy?
- Are you feeling frisky tonight?
- I'm looking at a sex toy website; want to go shopping with me?
- What’s something nonsexual that turns you on?
- If you could choose what I’m wearing right now, what would it be?
- Have you ever been caught having sex?
- Do you like dirty talk?
- Have you ever had car sex?
- What’s the most surprising place you’ve ever had sex?
- What’s the best thing about our sex life?
- Would you ever go skinny dipping with me?
- What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without having sex?
- What’s the longest you think you could go without sex?
- What’s a sexy movie that always turns you on?
- Have you ever had FaceTime sex?
Sexual Communication Questions
- What would you like to do more of in bed?
- What is your favorite sex position?
- What are your favorite parts of having sex?
- Are there times you like to have sex more than other times?
- If I want to tell you more about the ways I like to be touched/pleasured/made love to, how would that feel most comfortable for you?
- What are your sex safety preferences?
- Where do you most like to be kissed?
- Do you like having sex with music on?
- What’s your favorite type of foreplay?
- Would you ever want to make a sex tape with me?
- Do you like to kiss during sex?
- What’s the best way to turn you on?
- Do you like to be teased?
- What is your sex drive like?
- How many times a week is your “ideal” frequency to have sex?
- Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?
Spicy Sex Questions
- Have you ever made a sex tape?
- Can you describe your favorite sexual fantasy?
- Do you have any fetishes?
- Would you let me watch you masturbate?
- Would you watch me masturbate?
- Are there any kinds of sex you've never had but want to?
- Want to watch my favorite porn with me?
- What’s a sex toy you’d like to try with me?
- Do you like it rough or romantic?
- What’s the dirtiest thing you want to say to me right now?
- Have you ever had a sex dream about me?
- What’s your favorite sex toy?
- Do you like to be spanked?
- How many sex positions do you think you’ve tried?
- Would you ever be interested in a threesome?
- What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?
During Sex Questions
- Do I taste good?
- How does it feel when I touch you here?
- Can I pull your hair?
- Do you like when I kiss you here?
- Do you want to use a vibrator?
- Can you describe how it feels right now?
- What would make this even hotter right now?
- How can I make you feel good?
- How do you want to orgasm?
- Can I try to make you orgasm without using my hands?
- How long are you going to think about this for?
- How long have you been waiting for this?
- What do you want me to do to you?
- Do you want to recreate this again later?
- Where do you want to touch me more?
- Where can I touch you more?
Carol Queen, Ph.D., sex educator and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations