After a night spent strolling through the park, eating ice cream, or exchanging a knowing look while you clink glasses, you might be too busy replaying the splendor of it all — or relaying details to friends — to even
think about crafting the perfect text to send after a first date. But it's often a good idea to send a follow-up message or two soon after, especially if you'd like to see this person again soon.
You could argue the most important thing isn’t what you say, but when you say it. Regardless of whatever “rules” you’ve heard in the past, don’t overthink the timing. “If you had a nice time and feel a connection, [send a text] after the date, once you’re home,”
Mindie Barnett, a motivational speaker and host of a dating podcast, tells Bustle. “There is no ‘right time’ — if you’re authentic, that’s all that matters.” Steve Yang, a relationship coach, agrees. “I’m a very excitable and enthusiastic person who displays open [...] communication, so it’s entirely within character for me to text right away, and I often do,” he says. “There is no certain amount of time to wait that will work for everyone, [so] the best advice is to be consistent with who you are.”
In other words, if you want to send a message, send it! Here, we put together 25 quick-and-easy texts to consider firing off
after a first date, all of which will hopefully hit the right note — and maybe even score you that second date. “Have you made it home safely yet?”
According to Yang, this is a no-brainer first text to send, as well as one that’s entirely practical. Not only does it show care and concern, but it’s also important — especially if your date had a long journey home, or was walking alone at night. Send it as a way of checking in, and hopefully continuing the conversation.
“Tonight was so fun. We should do something again soon!”
Jonathan Bennett, a relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle, this text seems simple, but it’ll actually provide some vital info.
“I recommend sending this text to get an idea of how the other person feels about a second date,” he says. “It will give them a chance to express their interest or possibly decline.”
Either way, “at least you'll know how the date went,” he says, and you can move forward knowing you’re on the same page.
“You said you’re no good in the kitchen, so out of the kindness of my heart, I’ve decided to teach you my secret spaghetti sauce recipe. How does Saturday sound for you?”
Maybe they mentioned they were horrible at cooking or painting, but you’re a total pro. Take advantage of that. “If your date told you they were ‘bad’ at something you’re an expert (or almost one) at, this is your chance to strengthen up that bond by offering them something irresistible,” Adams says. If they really do end up being really bad at it, that’s something you two can laugh at together.
“Just wanted to say hi and see how your day is going”
Barnett says this is a great follow-up text to send the day after your first date, whenever you happen to get a chance. It’s simple, but shows that you’re interested. And when it comes to kicking off a relationship, that’s the most important point to make.
“Last night was the best. I always fall for people who XYZ.”
Name something they did that was impressive, like finding the perfect drink to pair with a dish, quoting Shakespeare, making the best spaghetti — whatever it may be — and flirt a bit by admitting it’s the key to your heart.
Continuing the flirty banter is always a good move after a first meetup, but it also never hurts to
give your date a little bit of an ego boost to show you’re into them. “I’d give our first date a solid 8.7 out of 10. What do you think?”
Whether it’s in jest, or if you really did think it was an 8.7, let them know! Encourage them to rate the date as well, and go from there.
“I enjoyed our date. I thought it was cool that XYZ.”
Beverley Andre, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, you’ll want to send this text the same night, or the following day, as a way of staying in contact and showing interest.
Say something like, “I enjoyed our date, and thought it was so cool that you’re studying ancient history.” You could even spin it into a
second date idea. “Have you been to the museum in this city? We should go if it's open!” “You mentioned that new Indian restaurant on the corner. Do you want to check it out this Friday?”
To snag a second date, you could also think about something that
came up in conversation, like that cool new restaurant in town, or an upcoming movie you both want to see, and use that as inspiration for a follow-up text, as well as a reason to get back together, ASAP. “Thanks again for an amazing date :) My week is a bit busy with work, but I’m free on Saturday night if you’d like to meet up again!”
If you spent a good portion of your date talking about how well it was going — and are fairly certain they’re
down to meet up again — be bold and send this message. “Want to meet up in the park with drinks and snacks and people watch tonight at 6?”
Nothing screams “I'm interested” quite like taking the second date into your own hands, especially if
they planned the first one. If you two had chemistry, a text like this one will feel right. And also, who doesn't like drinks and snacks? “Me last night: [meme]. But seriously, it’s so nice that I could be my weird self with you!”
A shared sense of humor can really go a long way in helping you bond with someone. According to Tanner, “inside jokes can promote intimacy among the people who are ‘in’ on the joke.” If something embarrassing happened and you both laughed at it, maybe find a fun meme that will remind them of the incident. Also, “mentioning the possibility of a second date in this lighthearted way can ease any post-first date tension,” they say.
“I have to admit I was so nervous for our first date, but I thought it went really well! Nothing eases the tension quite like hysterically laughing for four hours.”
If you had an amazing time, and/or if you were nervous, be honest about it. Just be sure to point out a positive as well, like how they helped ease your nerves by being super funny.
“I checked out that band you told me about. You're right, they do make the perfect dance music!”
First dates are often chock full of recommendations, from movies you want each other to see, to albums that need to be heard, and so on. Take the time to follow through with a watch or a listen, and then
let them know what you think. “If I were to give our date a Yelp review: 5/5 stars. Spilled wine on my favorite shirt, but my date was so cute I didn’t even care. I think I must’ve been a little clumsy because I was nervous! Hope I get a second date, for which I will be sure to wear a black shirt.”
If you want to score a second date, don’t be afraid to get cute and creative. “Humor is a great way to break the tension and get the ball rolling on a potential second date,”
Casey Tanner, relationship expert and sexpert for LELO, tells Bustle. “Writing a charming fake Yelp review does just that!” “I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight ;)” “Sorry if I seemed a little off! I had a lot of work stuff on my mind, but spending the evening with you was the perfect way to end the week.”
If you feel the need to
address any awkwardness, go for it! Not everyone’s on their game 100% of the time, especially if you've been tired or stressed lately — and haven’t we all? By sending this text, you’ll assure them that weird moment of silence wasn’t stemming from lack of interest. “I can see this turning into something great!”
A forward-thinking text like this one might not work in every situation, but again, if you felt immense amounts of chemistry, you might want to go ahead and point it out. Some first dates really are that good.
“I enjoyed our date today and loved the fact you’re into art. I heard about this really cool art show happening in two weeks and would love to take you. Wanna be my date?”
“Be mindful about what your date mentions they like as you can use that to set up a second date,” psychotherapist
Kiara Luna, LMHC, tells Bustle. If you know there’s an event coming up, don’t hesitate to ask them out. “It was amazing to see you in person, you’re lovely. How about another fun date (surprise activity) this Sunday?”
A little flattery never hurts. Giving a genuine compliment and showing gratitude for the date are great ways to start off your text. Then, give them an offer that “raises curiosity,” relationship coach
Callisto Adams, Ph.D. tells Bustle. You can frame it as a surprise or a “fun date idea” that you have in mind but you don’t want to say just yet. “It makes them wonder what you two will be up to this time, and there’s only one way to find out,” Adams says. “I heard that song you told me to listen to. I have so much to say, I’d love to talk about it next time we meet up (ideally this Friday evening).”
This is your chance to show them how much you’ve been paying attention. It’s also a great way to establish more connection and familiarity between you and your date. This text not only sets a date, but it also gives you both something to look forward to. According to Adams, “You’ll provoke their thoughts by letting them know you have an opinion on something they have interest in. It’ll be a way for them to know more about you, and if you’re a good fit or not.”
“I finally watched Gladiator after you shamed me for having never seen it, and I think you’re wrong about a few things. How about we meet next week and discuss? Drinks on me ;)”
This is a great text to send if they were really passionate about a particular movie or show. It’s even better if they told you to watch it yourself and tell them your thoughts. According to Adams, leave the discussion for when you meet again in person. Asking them out like this might make them even more excited for a second date.
An Audio Message Expressing Your Interest
This is one post-first date text they’re sure to remember. According to Tanner, leaving an audio message provides more intimacy than just a text message. “Instead of reading a text on their screen, the person you went out with gets to hear your voice,” they says. “Additionally, with an audio message, you might be more able to express the tone of your message more clearly.” If you need an idea of what to say, Tanner suggests, “Hey, I woke up still glowing from our conversation last night! Just wanted to express that I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” Keep it short, sweet and to the point.
“I laughed so hard when we expressed our mutual love for noodles, so next time I would totally love to take you to that ramen place I was talking about last night!”
It never hurts to think ahead, and mentioning your specific idea for a second date shows that you’re excited about seeing this person again. “Bonus points if the next date idea comes from a topic that came up on the first date, it demonstrates that you’re listening and want to do an activity that aligns with their interests,” Tanner says.
“I’m feeling really energized by our date last night, so I made a playlist with my favorite pump-up songs. Hope you have a great morning! Let me know what you think!”
If you and your date talked about your shared love of music, sending them a link to a few songs can be a great post-first date text. “Remember when you used to make your school crush a mixed CD or playlist? Hello 2021 addition!” Tanner says. “Making something for your date to respond to is a great way to help them get a better sense of you and bond over shared interests. Plus it shows that you took the time to make something sweet for them.” How could they resist a second date?
“Thanks for taking the time to meet up, but don't think this feels like the best fit for me. I wish you well!”
Of course, not every first date is going to be a winner, and that's OK. It's also OK to just not message someone again, especially if you only grabbed a cup of coffee. But if you'd like to make it known that you
won't be down for a second date, send this, and then move on to the next one.
It can be tough to think up the perfect thing to say when
texting someone after a date, but it's actually much easier than it seems — lean into your sense of humor, include talking points from your date, and if it feels right, suggest an activity for a second hang. Experts: Mindie Barnett, motivational speaker and host of a dating podcast Steve Yang, relationship coach Beverley Andre, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist K iara Luna, LMHC, psychotherapist Callisto Adams, Ph.D., relationship coach Casey Tanner, relationship expert and sexpert for LELO