After a night spent strolling through the park, eating ice cream, and clinking glasses at outdoor bars, you might be too busy replaying the majesty of it all — or relaying details to friends — to even think about crafting the perfect
text to send after a first date. But it's often a good idea to send a follow-up message or two soon after, especially if you'd like to see this person again soon.
You could argue the most important thing isn't what you say, but when you say it. And yet, however badly you may want to, don't overthink. "If you had a nice time and feel a connection, [send a text] after the date, once you are home,"
Mindie Barnett, a motivational speaker and host of a dating podcast, tells Bustle. "There is no 'right time' — if you're authentic, that’s all that matters." Steve Yang, a relationship coach, agrees. "I'm a very excitable and enthusiastic person who displays open [...] communication, so it's entirely within character for me to text right away, and I often do," he tells Bustle. "There is no certain amount of time to wait that will work for everyone, [so] the best advice is to be consistent with who you are."
In other words, if you want to send a message, send it! Here, 15 quick 'n easy texts to consider using
after a first date, all of which will hopefully hit the right note — and maybe even score you that second date. "Have you made it home safely yet?"
According to Yang, this is a no-brainer first text to send, as well as one that's entirely practical. Not only does it show care and concern, but it's also important — especially if your date had a long journey home, or was walking alone at night. Send it as a way of checking in, and hopefully continuing the conversation.
"Tonight was so fun. We should do something again soon!"
Jonathan Bennett, a relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle, this text seems simple, but it'll actually provide some vital info.
"I recommend sending this text to get an idea of how the other person feels about a second date," he says. "It will give them a chance to express their interest or possibly decline."
Either way, "at least you'll know how the date went," he says, and can move forward knowing you're on the same page.
"Just wanted to say hi and see how your day is going"
Barnett says this is a great follow-up text to send the day after your first date, whenever you happen to get a chance. It's simple, but shows that you're interested. And when it comes to kicking off a relationship, that's the most important point to make.
"Last night was the best. I always fall for people who XYZ."
Name something they did that was impressive, like finding the perfect whiskey, quoting Shakespeare, making the best spaghetti — whatever it may be — and flirt a bit by admitting it's the key to your heart.
Flirting is always good after an amazing date, but it also never hurts to
give your date a little bit of an ego boost, to show you're into them. "I'd give our first date a solid 8.7 out of 10. What do you think?"
Whether it's in jest, or if you really did think it was an 8.7, let them know! Encourage them to rate the date as well, and go from there.
"I enjoyed our date. I thought it was cool that XYZ."
Beverley Andre, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, you'll want to send this text the same night, or the following day, as a way of staying in contact and showing interest.
Say something like, "I enjoyed our date, and thought it was so cool that you're studying ancient history." You could even spin it into a
second date idea. "Have you been to the museum in this city? We should go if it's open!" "You mentioned that new Indian restaurant on the corner. Do you want to check it out this Friday?"
To snag a second date, you could also think about something that
came up in conversation, like that cool new restaurant in town, or an upcoming movie you both want to see, and use that as inspiration for a follow-up text, as well as a reason to get back together, ASAP. "Thanks again for an amazing date :) My week is a bit busy with work, but I'm free on Saturday night if you'd like to meet up again!"
If you spent a good portion of your date talking about how well it was going — and are fairly certain they're
down to meet up again — be bold and send this message. "Want to meet up in the park with wine and snacks and people watch tonight at 6?"
Nothing screams "I'm interested" quite like taking the second date into your own hands, especially if
they planned the first one. If you two had chemistry, a text like this one will feel right. And also, who doesn't like wine and snacks? "I have to admit I was so nervous for our first date, but I thought it went really well! Nothing eases the tension quite like laughing for four hours."
If you had an amazing time, and/or if you were nervous, be honest about it. Just be sure to point out a positive as well, like how they helped ease your nerves by being super funny.
"I checked out that band you told me about. You're right, they do make the perfect dance music!"
First dates are often chock full of recommendations, from movies you want each other to see, to albums that need to be heard, and so on. Take the time to follow through with a watch or a listen, and then
let them know what you think. "I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight ;)"
Send this text if there was a lot of
flirting going on, or if you ended the night with an amazing makeout session. Who knows? You two might end up sexting, or at the very least will build anticipation for the next time you get together. "Sorry if I seemed a little off! I had a lot of work stuff on my mind, but spending the evening with you was the perfect way to end the week."
If you feel the need to
address any awkwardness, go for it! Not everyone's on their game 100% of the time, especially if you've been tired or stressed lately — and haven't we all? By sending this text, you'll assure them that weird moment of silence wasn't stemming from lack of interest. "I can see this turning into something great!"
A forward-thinking text like this one might not work in every situation, but again, if you felt immense amounts of chemistry, you might want to go ahead and point it out. Some first dates really are that good.
"Thanks for taking the time to meet up, but don't think this feels like the best fit for me. I wish you well!"
Of course, not every first date is going to be a winner, and that's OK. It's also OK to just not message someone again, especially if you only grabbed a cup of coffee. But if you'd like to make it known that you
won't be down for a second date, send this, and then move on to the next one.
It can be tough to think up the perfect thing to say when
texting someone after a date, but it's actually much easier than it seems. Simply send one of these, and good luck! Experts: Mindie Barnett, motivational speaker and host of a dating podcast Steve Yang, relationship coach Beverley Andre, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist