Do You Prefer To Be Ghosted If Someone’s Not Interested? 35 Bustle Readers Weigh In

It’s time for Halloween, where vampires and zombies abound… and ghosts, too—in the dating world, at least. Yes, ghosting, the latest dating trend, where someone suddenly disappears. (Even pop singer Demi Lovato said she recently did it.) No goodbye text or email or phone call or, for the really bold, in-person ciao. They’re on a date with you one day, gone the next. Maybe you went on a handful of dates with the person, or maybe we dated for months (of course, the longer the time, the worse the ghosting feels).

It’s probably happened to you, without the ghost terminology. You make up excuses in your head: “He did say he was going out of town for work.” (Right, and phones don’t work worldwide!) “She does have a lot going on…” (And you don’t?!) You’re in denial. That is, until you realize it’s been days of no contact, which will probably bleed into weeks, then months. Then, it sinks in. They’re gone. For good.

Perhaps you’ve done it to someone, too, because even when you told them you were not interested, they didn’t take the hint and sent you 101 follow-up texts or emails wondering why. They’ll say, “Should I have taken you to dinner instead of drinks?” or they may beg, “Pleaaaaaaase give me another chance!” Basically, people just want to know why it happens. What did I do wrong that the person went MIA instead of saying they’re not into me? Yes, it’s way easier to simply not message someone and ignore them instead of dealing with the truth… but isn’t it way more wussy, too? I agree, rejection is tough, and so is telling someone that you don’t want to see them again.

Like it or not, some people are into the dating disappearing act. Below, I asked Bustle readers for their take on ghosting: Do you prefer to be ghosted on or be told that the person's not interested? The responses came down to three categories: “No Way,” “For Sure,” and “It Depends.”

No Way…

1. Tim, 41

2. Kelly, 26

3. Sivan, 24

4. Ann, 33

5. Elaine, 28

6. Annah Rose, 27, Relationship & Life Coach

7. LaVonya Reeves, 40, Founder, Reboundlovers

8. Jessica, 31

9. Bobbie Morgan, 50, Editor-in-Chief of A Good Woman's Dirty Mind

10. Jason, 30

11. Robin, 66

12. Madison, 24

13. Audrey, 25

14. Jessica, 27

15. Aliya, 37

16. Dan Nainan, Comedian, 34

17. Phillip Petree, 58, Author of The Man Puzzle

18. Stephanie, 25

19. Cherie Corso, 50, Parenting Expert

20. Paige, Early 30s

“I'm against it. I was dating my sister's best friend. We had dated previously, but this was our second time and more serious. He lived in Tulsa (I live in DC), so the first month we didn't see each other—but we communicated every day. I finally made it out to Tulsa to visit and, to be fair, it was good but not great. He was supposed to come to DC two weeks later. I had a feeling the trip wouldn't happen, but reached out to him two days out and he said all was a go. Morning of (at 5 a.m.), I woke up to an email saying the washing machine in his apartment broke and he would need to stay in Tulsa to fix it. (He owned his own restaurant and his best excuse was that his apartment’s washing machine broke?! He should have been more imaginative!) The ghost part was he said he was so sorry and would call me the next day... I never heard from him again. At the very least, send a text like, ‘Sorry, but we are done.’ He also didn't come to my sister’s wedding five months later and he cut off mutual friends for a few months.”

For Sure…

21. Matt, 34

22. Ryan, 25

23. Maggie, 31

24. Jeff, 29

25. Isabelle, 23

26. Blake, 35

It Depends...

27. Kevin, 35

28. Molly, 38

29. Sabrina, 23

30. Erik Bowitz, 27, Editor of

31. Laura, 60s

32. Beulah Sanchez, 49, Author of Really?!!?!: One Woman’s Adventures of Dating in the Digital Age

33. Amber, 47

34. William, 31

35. Meg, 25

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