17 Tips For Having Sex With Someone New
About six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly four years. He wasn't just a guy I dated for a long time; he was also the first guy I ever had sex with. So as you can imagine, going from having sex with the same person for almost four years to having sex with someone new has been quite the learning experience for me. Mostly, I've had a lot of fun. But I've also found that, as fun and exciting as having sex with a new partner can be, it can also be kind of stressful.
You probably don't need me to tell you this, but sleeping with someone new (especially when you're used to having sex with a long-term SO) can be super weird and a little bit scary. I mean, you're bare-ass naked, something hilariously awkward is bound to happen before the sex is over, and even if you're just trying to have a casual, one-time hookup, sex with someone new still requires a certain level of trust that's not always easy to give. Fortunately, though, the past six months have taught me a few things about how to make sex with someone new awesome.
If you're nervous about sleeping with someone new, I feel you. In my limited experience, no matter how comfortable you are with your body, and no matter how considerate your sexual partners are, it can make you feel really vulnerable. That said, there are lots of ways to make it chill. Here's 18 ways to enjoy first-time sex.
1. Do Some Yoga Or Go For A Walk Before Your Date/Hookup
I get that this item doesn't apply if the sex you're having is totally spontaneous. However, if you're going on a date, or if you and your friend have planned a chill hang that you think might possibly end in sex, I highly recommend you do some yoga or go for a walk beforehand.
For me personally, walking helps calm any nervousness I might have, without wearing me out like a trip to the gym would. And the yoga? Well, you just never know how creative your partner might want to get with positions. In my experience, limbering up pre-sex just makes the whole night far more comfortable.
2. Wear Lingerie That You Feel Comfortable In
Honestly, this tip isn't exclusive to having sex with someone new. This is basically just a good way to live your life, because if you feel good in what you're wearing, it stands to reason that you're going to feel more confident and relaxed overall.
Unless you really like thongs and push-up bras (and if you do, that's totally OK), then stick to lingerie that you feel both sexy and comfortable in. Personally, I like to pair a lightly-lined, underwire-free bra (or no bra at all) with some cheeky panties.
3. Toss Some Mouthwash In Your Purse Before You Head Out
Again, this applies to everyday life, too. But I find that this tip is particularly applicable to having sex with someone new. Making out is just a lot more fun for everyone involved if your breath isn't rancid. On top of that, if you're sexy time turns into an adulthood sleepover, you'll have a great way to deal with your morning breath.
4. ...And A Fresh Pair Of Undies
Dirty underwear is bad for your vagina — it can make you itchy, or give you a rash or infection — and sometimes going commando just isn't an option. So pack a spare pair. You may not end up needing a fresh pair of undies, but you definitely won't regret being prepared.
5. Make Out First
I know, I know, this one should be a given; but I also know that when you're having sex with someone new, it can be hard not to rush through the pre-sex make out session, due to either anxiety or major horniness.
But I'd urge you to slow down, and make out for as long as you can stand it. It's relaxing, it should help you get wet, and unless your partner is a horrible kisser, it will only make things hotter.
6. Bring Protection
I know you don't need me to stress the importance of using protection, but I am going to stress the importance of packing protection. You should not rely on your partner to be the prepared one, because this is just as much your responsibility as it theirs. If they don't have protection on them, you're either going to have to halt sexing to go get some, or you're going to end up having unprotected sex. Neither of these scenarios are ideal (and one is extremely bad). So just be prepared, and bring some freaking condoms.
7. Lube Up
I know lube can be sticky or whatever, but it makes sex so much more comfortable. If you're using condoms, lube will prevent your vagina from being rubbed raw. If you're having trouble getting wet, lube can help with that, too. And if you're having sex with a man and he's well-endowed (or you're using a large toy), lube is your savior. So even if you don't think you'll need it, toss a small bottle of lube in your purse before you embark on your next sex adventure.
8. Do Whatever You Think Will Help You Relax
Hopefully, deploying the above tips already has you feeling super relaxed. In case they're not enough to chill you out, though, listen to your body and do whatever you need to do to chill out. Whether that means focusing on your breathing or asking to stop for a rest, do you. Your partner should understand. If they don't, then get out of there!
9. Start Off Slowly
I understand how hot a quickie can be, but when you're having sex with someone new, starting off slowly is usually the best bet. I mean, you guys need time to get used to each other's bodies, styles, and preferences. So going hard and fast from the beginning will probably not be the ideal move for the both of you.
10. Don't Be Afraid To Speak Up
If your partner is doing something you don't like, tell them. If they're doing something you really like, tell them. If you're worried they don't like what you're doing to them, ask them!
11. Don't Be Afraid To Laugh, Either
Sometimes, sex is funny. When this is the case, it's OK to laugh. In fact, I've actually found that laughing with a partner during sex can make you feel closer to them. Plus, it sure beats awkward silence.
12. Don't Talk About Past Lovers
Most people don't like being compared to past sexual partners. Even if your comparison is meant to be a testament to how much better your current sexual partner is, just don't. It will get weird.
13. Do Talk About What's Worked For You Sexually In The Past, Though
You can talk about what you like in bed without talking about who you've liked in bed — and you should. Your new partner will appreciate it.
14. Try To Forget About Your Appearance
I know it's hard, but try not to focus on what you look like too much. This person is having sex with you, so you already know they're attracted to you. Focusing too much on your looks take away from your enjoyment, and there's just no reason.
15. Don't Put Too Much Pressure On Your Orgasm
I'm not suggesting you shouldn't try to orgasm, and I'm certainly not suggesting your partner shouldn't try to help get you there. But it's OK if you can't orgasm during sex. Even if you can orgasm during sex, don't let that be your main goal. Because if your focus is on the big finish, you probably won't enjoy yourself during the act nearly as much as you could.
16. ...Or Your Partner's
Of course you want your partner to orgasm, and that's a good thing. But don't feel bad if they just can't get there. It doesn't mean you're bad at sex. It doesn't mean they aren't crazy into your body. It might mean they're nervous, or they drank too much, but whatever the problem is, it's probably got nothing to do with you.
17. Have Some Water Handy
Sex is kind of exhausting sometimes, so you and your partner are may be thirsty AF both during and after the act. So, before you two really get going, grab some water for yourself. And while you're at it, be nice and get some for your partner, too.
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