The thought of having sex with a friend can sometimes seem like a fantastic idea. You’ve known each other forever, you care about each other, you’re insanely comfortable in your own skin whenever you’re together, and maybe you’ve even been tossing the idea around in your head for awhile that sex would them would be great. It’s easy to assume that if your friendship is really that strong, then it can handle throwing some sex into it, because why not?
But the problem with sleeping with a friend is that, if you’re not careful, you can change your friendship in ways you can’t change back very easily. You go from just being friends, to having a drunken kiss, to having sex once and swearing it will never happen again... to way more than once. Then, before you know it, you’re falling down the dreaded rabbit hole of being friends with benefits. Unless your life is a Nora Ephron film named When Harry Met Sally, we all know how that situation tends to turn out. Research shows that few people end up with their friend with benefits and a lot of people lose that friend all together.
As someone who has (mistakenly) slept with a friend or two in her life, there are certain things I wish I knew before I went for it. Here are some things no one tells you about sleeping with a friend, but oh, how I wish they would. But first, check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
1. It May Not Feel As Natural As You Might Think
Because you may be making so many assumptions that your friendship can easily handle sex, you may also assuming that sex with your friend is going to feel completely natural since you know each other so well. That’s not always the case. In fact, you may realize halfway through that it feels a lot weirder than you expected.
2. It Might Change The Dynamic Of Your Friendship
Why? Because, to get directly to the point, you go from never knowing what your friend looks or sounds like when they orgasm, to knowing all the intimate details of it. To quote my therapist after I slept with a friend of mine, “You’re not supposed to know your friend’s O face.” And that’s why she gets paid the big bucks.
3. Boundaries Can Become Blurred
So you’re friends, but you slept together one, twice, and I guess you’re also counting that third time, even though you stopped before things really got going. You think about texting them late at night to get some action after a few drinks, but they’re also the first person you want to call to bitch about someone you’re dating. Like, what are you two? Even if you’re anti-labels, it can be stressful to figure out WTF is going on.
4. Jealousy Can Be Become A Factor
Fun fact about life: Sex can lead to unexpected feelings. Even if you’re happy that your friend found someone awesome to date and you don't necessarily want to date them, it's still possible you'll feel a little jealous if they start seeing someone new.
5. It Can Possibly Open A Can Of Worms
Another issue that can arise that I think many people disregard is the fact that maybe you or your friend already have romantic feelings for each other, but just didn’t realize it. If that’s the case, then whoa Nelly… did you just unearth a whole boatload of drama.
6. Feelings Can Get Complicated
Even if you and your friend aren’t in love with each other, after all this sexing around, your feelings can start to be confusing. Like, should you feel more? Is it weird if you don’t feel more? Is that a desire for a pizza or a desire to see them stat?
7. It Can Put A Strain On Your Friendship
It’s the type of strain that makes you realize that maybe your friendship wasn’t strong enough to handle all this sex after all.
8. You May End Up Missing Out On Other Opportunities
Even if you manage to avoid becoming friends with benefits, there’s a chance you’ll end up spending too much time analyzing what it all meant to have sex those few times. You can become so engrossed with that “issue,” that you may end up missing out on other people you could have actually dated and had romantic relationships with.
9. It’s Not Always Easy To Go Back To Being Just Friends
The most painful part of all? It’s sometimes hard to go back to being just friends. You can do your best to get back on track and let it all be water under the bridge, but there’s no guarantee that you won't see each other a little differently.
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy (6)