9 Sex Positions That Can Help You Gain Confidence In Bed
Gaining confidence in bed doesn't happen overnight — practice makes perfect when it comes to sex, and there's no shame in taking a while to get comfortable in the sack. Even if you consider yourself "sexperienced," with each new partner you have, it's like you're pushing reset: You know what you like, but it takes time to get acquainted with one another's bodies. No matter your age, there are times when everyone needs tips for gaining confidence in bed.
As much fun as sex is, it's also unrealistic to pretend it doesn't also open the door for a flood of insecurities. It's normal to feel vulnerable when you're naked and doing something as intimate as having sex. Whether you're introverted or extroverted, everyone can experience moments of shyness in the bedroom, and it's up to you to overcome them (assuming your partner is loving and respectful, too). The only real way to feel 100 percent confident in bed? To love yourself and your body, and know that if you're open and honest, good sex is totally within your grasp.
"I've worked with a lot of women who recall a weekend or a special night or some other occasion when their 'sexy alter ego' came out to play," Kyla Black, a Brooklyn sex therapist, told Bustle. "Some also have expressed that they know she's in there but don't know how to get her out. It's a commitment to call forth this lovely self and allow her to flourish."
Plus, it's a win-win: being confident in bed will make for better sex, because you'll be less focused on what might go wrong and more focused on enjoying the present moment. Nonetheless, it's OK to feel like you need a little self-esteem pick-me-up every now and then. For those of you who could use a confidence boost when it comes to your sex life, try one (or all) of these nine positions — they're a fast-track to becoming a shining star in the sheets.
1. On Top
It may sound like an oxymoron, but the only way to be comfortable is to get out of your comfort zone in the first place. For ladies who aren't as confident taking charge, the best thing you can do is just bite the bullet and go for it. Climb on top, and learn how to work your hips to help yourself (and your partner) achieve orgasm. It might take a few tries to figure out the right combo of rhythm and speed, but you'll be glad you put in the effort.
2. Doggy Style
Another position that can help you open up? Doggy style. It's perfect because it allows both partners, regardless of gender, to play an active role: For example, if you're with someone who's entering you from behind, you can still work your hips or use a free hand on your clitoris. You'll gain confidence by taking an active role in your own pleasure.
3. Weak In The Knees
A huge part of being confident in bed is feeling comfortable with your partner, and this position is sure to make that happen ASAP. For lack of a better phrase, this position puts you all up in each other's business, and is extremely intimate. Oral sex as a whole can really help you connect emotionally with your partner, and good old fashioned face-sitting is the perfect way to bring you and your partner together and give you both the confidence to tackle even more risque sex moves.
4. Sofa Brace
Though this position is technically similar to doggy style, it offers a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to getting more confident in bed — because you're not in bed at all. Hear me out: Conditioning yourself to let loose and have sex in a more public place (even though it's just the couch) adds a new dimension of sexiness, because it's not the most typical place to have sex. Confidence can come from feeling a little more deviant than usual, and this position is a great way to flex your sexual-rule-breaking muscles.
5. Legs Up
Putting your legs on your partner's shoulders during sex is a quick and easy way to take sex from "yawn" to "yay." What part of it can give you a confidence boost? The fact that you're putting more of your body on display, and also putting your athleticism to the test. You don't have to be mega flexible to make this work, but it definitely requires a little more effort on your part. Whether you throw one or both legs on your partner's shoulders, doing it on your own without them guiding you will make you seem like you know exactly what you want, and aren't afraid to go for it.
6. Reverse Cowgirl
Just like traditional on top, reverse cowgirl is all about getting comfortable taking the lead when it comes to sex. This has the added bonus of helping you be more confident about your, ahem, assets, which might take some getting used to. If you're accustomed to variations of missionary sex (and there's no shame in that), trying a position with less eye contact can feel a little weird. It makes things more primal, because you're just focusing on the physical sensations. Of course, there's nothing wrong with emotional intimacy during sex, but it could help you gain confidence to know you have another trick up your sleeve.
It may seem like a position as "gentle" as spooning might not have the ability to make you more confident in bed, but that's not the case. In this position, it will be difficult for the little spoon to do a whole lot of kissing and touching. So if you're the big spoon and you're touching your partner, you're the one who's setting the pace and making it intimate. If you're spooning during foreplay, you can take the lead and kiss your partner's neck while touching them from behind, and make it all about their pleasure. It can be a lesson in building intimacy, which in turn will make you more confident.
8. The Three-Legged Dog
Another confidence hurdle you might eventually need to overcome? Learning how to navigate standing sex positions. I'm only 5'3", so I'll be the first to admit that positions like this make me nervous, just because of the logistical problems that can pop up. But it's well worth the energy to do some extra stretching and see if this position will work for you and your partner. It's fun, and can come in handy in case you're ever having sex in some place where a bed isn't available.
9. Sideways Straddle
Though some may shy away from this position because it looks "difficult," it's actually worth your while to give it a shot. What could be more confidence-boosting than mastering a tricky sex position? Giving your partner a great view while enjoying the added bonus of all the grinding-against-the-leg action is a great way to both have an awesome orgasm.
Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle (9)