17 Baby Names Your Parents Fought Over Giving You In 1995

In all of these baby name articles I've written, I have never once considered that there may be another human whose opinion matters as much as mine when it comes to branding our offspring, and no, I won't be reading into that any further. But have you ever wondered what that would be like? Or what names your parents fought over giving you in 1995 or whenever you were born? This lends an entirely new level of STRESS. What if the father of my children has horrible taste?

It's impossible to disentangle baby name trends from the media and cultural trends, especially in the United States, so I feel that fear of my future partner's taste is completely valid. In 1995, the very middle of a very good decade, for example, TLC and 2pac reigned, 90210 and Friends were on the air (groups of good-looking white people having emotions together was apparently very trendy), and the fashion — well, it was, um, a lot. A lot of looks. And, similarly, the baby names that now signal "'90s baby! '90s baby! This person right here was born in the '90s!" were also a lot.

But before everyone decided on Michael and Jessica (the top baby names of the decade), they had to be considering other options. And in my very professional, baby-name-trend-following opinion, these were probably the names. If you're feeling very thankful right now, that's an appropriate reaction.

1. Cher


Sure, Cher may be a little on the nose in terms of naming your baby after an idol (and I'm talking both Cher the singer and Cher Horowitz, star of Clueless, the best movie ever, which happened to come out in 1995), but think of all the fun conversations it could lead to!

2. Hogan


1995 was a prime year for Hulk Hogan (and the WWF, I guess). It only makes sense that he would be a prime pick for a baby, if you wanted your baby to be big and tough and have a preference for yellow.

3. Mariah


Yes, Mariah Carey is the ultimate diva, but her talent is undeniable. In 1995, her single "Fantasy" was topping the charts, she was bringing back the butterfly trend, and your parents were probably quarreling about whether to name you Mariah.

4. Brandon


It's no coincidence that Brandon is the number 11 most popular name for boys born in the '90s according to the Social Security Administration, and also the name of sensitive hot dude Brandon Walsh from the ultra-popular '90s staple 90210.

5. Amber


Oh, Amber. A name synonymous with the '90s and those crop tops you get get your name spray painted across at the beach. Amber was perhaps too popular for parents intent on giving their kid a truly unique moniker. Or they just didn't want to name their baby after the poser-enemy from Clueless.

6. Tanner


Is it possible to be named Tanner and not be a white lax bro? Will the universe just invert? Will you fall into the Upside Down?

7. Madonna


Parents in the '90s grew up with Madonna in the '80s, and Madonna in the '80s was apparently everything.

8. Doug


Did you just start singing the theme song to Doug, or...

9. Darcy


Let's be real: The 1995 BBC miniseries of Pride and Prejudice is one of the top five best adaptations ever. I still own a VHS box set of it. Someone wanted to name their kid Darcy. (But definitely no Fitzwilliam.)

10. Whitney

CavBuffaloSoldier on YouTube

Whitney Houston singing the "Star-Spangled Banner" at the 1991 Super Bowl. Like, that performance alone is something to name your baby after.

11. Winona


Winona forever.

12. Alec


I mean like, yeah, Alec Baldwin was a true '90s hunk. But also Alec just looks and sounds like you got confused about the name "Alex"? That's probably why it was the number 137 popular name during the '90s decade? Sorry to be a hater.

13. Topanga


Why would you not want your daughter to be exactly like Topanga Lawrence from Boy Meets World ? But also, fair that you can raise a Topanga without actually naming her... that.

14. Tia OR Tamara


Which Mowry twin from Sister, Sister would you pick though? Can you even have one without the other?

15. Mario

Are you a Mario Lopez or a Mario Luigi? No one wants that much pressure put upon their shoulders.

16. Mary-Kate


Ashley was the second most popular name of the '90s, but Mary-Kate? Nowhere to be found in the top 100. Why? They were both in their prime in 1995.

17. Johnathan


Three different variations of this name were in the Top 150 names in 1995 (the other two being Jonathan and Jonathon). This one looks the most like you adored Jonathan Taylor Thomas, but made a spelling error on the birth certificate.

Images: Freddycat1/Flickr; Giphy (16)