Lindsay Lohan's Memoirs Will Be the Next 'Harry Potter' or '50 Shades of Grey' Depending on Her Ghostwriter

Lindsay Lohan's Oprah Winfrey Network show might not have worked out, but that doesn't mean that people aren't still interested in her life and experiences. Anyone who says that they wouldn't read a Lindsay Lohan memoir is completely lying. There's a note of fascination in the way that Lindsay Lohan went from the brightest and most promising child stars to being where she is now. In the last year alone, Lindsay Lohan has experienced everything from James Franco writing a short story about LiLo to being accused of faking a miscarriage to get ratings from her show. Now, The Sun is reporting that LiLo is looking for someone to write her memoirs and she's between two names you might recognize.

"It may seem unlikely, but she thinks she’s in with a shot of getting E.L. James to work on it — they met recently at the Chiltern Firehouse and got on well," said a source in the article. "Another pie in the sky idea was that she might persuade J.K. Rowling to work with her."

For those who aren't in the publishing industry know, E. L. James is the author of Fifty Shades of Grey and J. K. Rowling is the author of the Harry Potter series (although, honestly, anyone who doesn't know that JKR wrote Harry Potter by now has literally been living under a rock). Those are two wildly different authors that Lohan has in mind to pen her biography and, really, that book is going to turn out completely different depending on which one of them says yes. Even if the story is completely fabricated, it's worth wondering exactly what LiLo's memoirs would be like if one of these two authors ghostwrote it for her.

J. K. Rowling

Title: Lindsay Lohan and the Hollywood Hustle.

Back Cover: Part of a seven book series, Lindsay Lohan and the Hollywood Hustle will follow Lohan from the day of her birth to her complicated relationship with her relatives to the day she became a household name whispered far and wide in reverence across the land. Magic may or may not be involved.

Important Events:

  • J. K. Rowling is all about exploring the meaning of family, so expect a chapter devoted to Lohan's relationship with Dina Lohan including the good times, the bad times, and that time Dina Lohan announced she was writing a memoir of her own.
  • Romance is always a swing or a miss with J. K. Rowling (see the development of Ron and Hermione's relationship versus the controversial development of Harry and Ginny's relationship), so expect another chapter devoted to Lohan's own controversial love life — including the fact that LiLo dated a married man.
  • Rowling loves a flawed character, so the time that Lohan admitted she'd had a drink after leaving rehab is right up her alley.

Overall Rating: PG-13, mainly for language. The Harry Potter novels got increasingly less kid-friendly as the years went on, but all of Rowling's adult work have featured a lot of cursing. Like, a lot.

E. L. James

Title: The To-Do List.

Back Cover: In this steamy tale, Lindsay Lohan's relationships with everyone from a married man to another woman are examined in more detail than ever before. You'll feel like you're right there in the bedroom with Lohan, who will take this opportunity to run through her entire infamous sex list and make your inner goddess scream from the sheer hotness of her encounters.

Important Events

  • Obviously, the first thing that E. L. James will want to cover in LiLo's memoirs is Lohan's notorious sex list that she wrote while she was in rehab. It doesn't matter how many men denied the claim; all that matters is your imagination.
  • Lohan's relationship with Samantha Ronson in 2008 and 2009 would provide a great platform for James to explore human sexuality in a way she hasn't done yet. An LGBT version of 50 Shades of Grey? Yes, please.
  • Let's be real. Under James, LiLo's memoirs are just going to be a very steamy romance novel so any relationship she's ever been in before is fair game.

Overall Rating: NC-17 for sexy scenes that may or may not have happened in real life. The To-Do List will be the kind of memoirs that you read on the train with another book's jacket hiding the cover.