No matter how great your sense of direction is in real life, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood will make you feel geographically inept. As your avatar ascends the treacherous ladder to fame, poised to be sabotaged by Willow Pape at every turn, keeping track of the locations for your various photo shoots, appearances, and networking events is just another variable to complicate your climb. Most of the task locations are in different parts of LA, and some are in different cities. However, they all basically look the same, and it's a real pain in the butt to keep them straight. Obviously, there should be a map for the Kim Kardashian game. I mean, as a D-list celebrity, who has the bus fare for getting lost all the time?
That friends, is where I come in. I've compiled a friendly guide for what is where in the Kim Kardashian game. Never again will you have to waste ten valuable imaginary dollars mistaking Metropolitan Magazine's Studio for being in Hollywood. You can proceed en route with confidence each time your manager calls to alert you of an appearance at Panino. With all this money saved, your avatar will be flush with cash and finally able to purchase that luxury apartment that you totally don't need.
- PopGlam Magazine: Where you'll do numerous photo shoots.
- DuLuxe Apartments: The apartment you called home in your E-lister days...
- So Chic Boutique: Retail store where you get your humble start as a shopgirl. Later on, you can buy it for $3,000, and then you get free money from them all the time. You knew giving Kim Kardashian those free clothes was a fantastic idea!
- Metropolitan Magazine: Studio where you'll do photo shoots, but these ones are classier than at PopGlam.
- Panino: Fancy restaurant where you'll make celeb appearances, go on your first date, then get ignored by every set designer in town.
- Kim's house: Where you venture for Kim to invite you to her birthday party.
- Luna Condos: Where your publicist bullies you into buying a cooler apartment for $2,000 or 10 K stars.
- The Brew Palms: Hot cocktail joint where you gossip with bartenders, network, and eventually have appearances.
- CTM management & Publicity: Your manager Simon and your publicist Maria have their respective offices here.
- Mirimount Pictures: Film studio where you can make it in showbiz.
- Kardash LA: Kardashian-owned sister boutique of Kardash Miami.
- Mansion: Extremely expensive residence that you can't afford unless you have $50,000, 75 K stars to cough up.
- Calabasas neighborhood: According in the Internet, you can't unlock this area until you date an A-lster.
- The West Inn: Condo complex that stays locked, like, FOREVER.
- Championship Business Partners: Designer showroom pop-up space where you go on a buying appointment for Kardash Miami.
- LIF Club: Trendy club where people don't want to talk to you, but you can drink your loneliness away. Also, you'll do a couple appearances here.
- Kardash Miami: Kim's store at which she invites you to work.
- Vacation Home: Another house that your horrible publicist wants you to waste money on. It costs $6,000 and 20 K stars.
- Chateau Nuit: Discotheque where you will be snubbed by actresses and members of royalty from obscure countries. Also, the perfect place for your birthday party!
- Miraggio Grande: Upscale restaurant that is basically the twin of Panino. You may have some appearances here though.
- Glamm Magazine: Photo studio where you'll have more shoots... Keep working forever, until you have NO energy left!
New York — JFK
Nothing but this super nice lady...
- Kardash NY: The third branch of the Kardash store.
- Oak: Super cool bar where people are aloof and you can drink more.
- Muse Magazine: Photo studio where you'll further your career.
- Ganzervelt: According to a Kim game forum, you'll unlock this location when you have your first charity event.
- Gates Towers: Fantasy apartment complex that seems to never unlock.
- Smith & Smith Luxury Lofts: Purchase an NY apartment for $10,000 or 10 K stars.
- Vacation Villas: Buy a vacation villa for $8,000 or 50 K stars. Curse the fact that you now can't afford to fly back to the US.
- El Canario: Al fresco bar/restaurant where you'll be ignored by more people.
- Paradisio de Playa: Photo shoot location, dahling.
- Femme Magazine: Yet another photo shoot location.
- Hotel Utopie: Buy a suite in this hotel for $15,000 or 90 K stars.
- La Rue Restaurant: Hella chi-chi restaurant where you'll talk to more people who probably can't be seen speaking to anyone less than a B-lister.
- The Britannia Ballroom: It's sometimes a ballroom for events and sometimes a studio for photo shoots. It's basically Kim's version of the Harry Potter Room of Requirement.
- Club Tulip: A swanky club where you might spot a royal or two.
- London Flat: The two story apartment is pricey and decorated with horse pictures because what is London if not obsessed with equines?
- Yacht: For $60,000 or 140 K stars you can live on this boat.
- Pop Glam Australia: It's just like the Pop Glam in LA, but instead of being downtown, it's down under.
- Black Rabbit: A nightclub which incidentally actually exists in Australia except it's a BSDM sex shop instead of a club. (I wonder if Kim K. knows that.)
- 10AX Club: You'll do an appearance there. According to Simon, the owner is a bit of a "man of mystery." OoOoOo CRYPTIC!!!
- Villa: Purchase pied-a-terre for $50,000 or 120 K Stars. The realtor is intimidating and Italian, which almost convinces you to cough it up.
- Il Forte: Edenic Florentine garden where you get married.
- Raja Motion Pictures: You'll stop by this location when you get a job to film a movie in India.
- Grand Sultan Hotel: Yet another place for events, appearances, and self-promotion that will enable you to ascend the fame ladder. Huzzah!
- Mall of Dubai: Your standard Kim K game venue, where you can schmooze and exist. At one point, you'll need to stop by this location to accompany Kim on a quest.
- Restaurant Asadeux: Despite the laws in the real Dubai, you stop by this restaurant to go on a date, flirt, and kiss, all while wearing the Kardashian-approved body con dresses.
- Atlantean Hotel: Here, you can purchase a hotel suite for $70,000 or 140 K Stars. It might be time for you to re-mortgage one of those luxury condos.
Now that you have the full guide, sally forth and do what really matters in life: get famous!
Images: Kim Kardashian: Hollywood (18)