The 27 Different Types Of Hookups You Have In Your 20s, From The Awkward Threesome To The Pity Bang

Share

In case you haven't gotten the memo, your 20s is a time for exploration. Some of that exploration, in addition to trying to understand who the hell you are, where you want to live, and who you want to be when you grow up, involves sex — and if you’re lucky, lots of it. Your 20s is prime time to experiment and figure out what you like and don’t like about sex, and the best way to do that, outside of falling in love and having relationships, is hooking up.

In your 20s, you’ll have quite a myriad of hookups. Yes, some of them will make you drop your head in shame, while others will have you high-fiving yourself for the rest of your life. (After all, isn't it the true life's purpose of the C-List celebrity who hits on you at your neighborhood bar?)

Whether you’ve yet to turn 20, are smack-dab in the middle of the drama, or can fondly remember that crazy decade of hookups from afar like me, we've all been there. Here are the 27 different types of hookups you can expect in your 20s. Don't say I didn't warn you.

THE FRIEND WITH BENEFITS (WHOM YOU'RE SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH) HOOKUP

Experience and even science will tell us that friends with benefits relationships are the worst, but that doesn’t stop anyone from getting involved in at least a couple of them in their 20s. You'll secretly hope this person asks you be their one and only, but really, it only finally ends when one of you meets someone else.

the awkward THREESOME

You have to do it at least once. No, unfortunately it is not like Y Tu Mama Tambien.

THE hookup YOU KEEP A SECRET

According to Sex and the City 's Anthony Cantone, "ugly sex is hot." I have to agree. Whether you're keeping someone a secret because you don't think they're "cute enough for you" or "smart enough for you" (whatever that really means), you're likely to have at least one secret hookup.

THE IT-FEELS-TOO-LATE-TO-STOP-NOW HOOKUP

And you can only hope no one finds out about it. Remember: You can always say no — it doesn't matter if you're changing your mind in bed.

THE person YOU SLEEP WITH TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF HOOKUP

Maybe they're really good-looking, or they make you feel really good-looking. Either way, you have to get your self-esteem somewhere, right? And you always have a good time, too...right? Somehow, it never quite sticks.

AND THE PERSON YOU SLEEP WITH TO FEEL WORSE ABOUT YOURSELF HOOKUP

He all but pushes you out the door right after he climaxes. Forget about your orgasm. Seriously, screw this guy.

THE MISTAKE YOU KEEP MAKING

Sometimes, we need to hookup with three different alcoholics who live at home to realize they're bad in bed.

THE MARRIED GUY WHO CLAIMS HE’S SEPARATED

You know, but he's still wearing his wedding band "for the kids."

the exploring your sexuality hookup

Maybe it sticks, maybe it doesn't. Either way, you're going there.

the "i'll make an exception" hookup

Maybe you swore you'd never sleep with a smoker, a jerk, or someone who's cheating. At some point, you'll find yourself humbled.

the COWORKER you never would have hooked up with otherwise

All that time together, in an office, trying to look busy how could a hookup, especially after a work happy hour, not be inevitable?

the hookup YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH

Especially in those moments when you feel like you're going to die alone. Minutes after you hook up, you're fantasizing about vacation homes. It usually doesn't pan out.

THE "we" hookup

Sometime, you just need to hear the word we. This hookup is all about using the word we — only for some reason, you never hear from them after the third date.

THE ROUGH SEX hookup

And you suddenly understand that bite marks are a badge of a night well played.

THE REALLY BAD IN BED hookup

Not to be mistaken for the bad kisser guy, though there is definite overlap.

THE HIPSTER-JUST-TO-SLEEP-WITH-A-HIPSTER hookup

And he's probably in some indie band that was just signed to Matador Records, too, so you get double brownie points for this one. You just needed to see if he's really that skinny.

THE REFUSES-TO-GET-THE-HINT-THE-NEXT-MORNING HOOKUP

For the last time, I don't want you to make me breakfast!

THE OLDER, MORE WORDLY hookup

He lived in Morocco for a year, can speak fluent Japanese, and his home (that he owns!) is decorated in African artifacts that he acquired during his stint in the Peace Corps. Unfortunately, he's twice your age.

THE HOOKUP WITH YOUR it's-never-over EX

This one will pop up over and over again until you’re 30. Only then will you be able to finally stay away for good.

THE PITY BANG

He's been crushing on your for months and you're really not into him, but, hey, you're both single, so why not?

THE HOT BARTENDER HOOKUP

You know how she’s going to quell any after-the-fact awkwardness? Free drinks.

the slept-with-you-for-your-accent hookup

Yeah, turns out foreigners aren't any smarter.

THE one you find out doesn't play for your team (after you hook up) HOOKUP

Somehow, you'll be shocked. Even though, in retrospect, it was completely obvious.

THE ONE YOU DON'T REALLY REMEMBER

You know, for a fact, that you had a good time, and you have a hickey on your neck and a hot naked guy in your bed, but man, oh man, shots really will be the death of you.

THE PUBLIC-PLACE HOOKUP

Whether it's the back of a cab, a bathroom at the bar, or a closet at your BFF's birthday party, banging in a public place is a twentysomething must. This one is actually more likely to happen in a relationship, when you're trying to spice things up.

THE HATE HOOKUP

You were arguing over politics or the death penalty or maybe even the welfare system, and before you know it, you're going at it in your building's stairwell.

THE YOU-GOT-SO-HOT-SINCE-HIGH-SCHOOL HOOKUP

Ah, there's nothing quite like a late bloomer. Get it, girl.

YouTube

Images: HBO; GIFSoup(2); Giphy(22)