15 Justin Bieber Moments That Are Perfect Comedy Central Roast Material
For so many reasons I can't explain, Justin Bieber wants to be roasted and Comedy Central is obliging. The network confirmed the news on Tuesday, and Bieber sent out a tweet stating his excitement. "For years I have wanted Comedy Central to roast me. They said only if I provided them with more material so for a year now I have worked hard," he wrote. It's true that Bieber's shenanigans have been unparalleled of late, but I think the roasters need to tread with caution. Poking fun at Bieber's history of assaults, his drunk driving, or his racist remarks isn't really funny. Besides, there are plenty of other ways to mock Bieber.
He's had an interesting 2014 filled with everything from bubble beards to big bulges. Honestly there are so many directions his roasters can take the night, and I'm sure the celebrities who hate Justin Bieber will be lining up to participate. I'm not saying Bieber deserves an easy roasting, I just think that jokes about DUIs will get old really fast, and kind of make light of a serious issue.
So I went back through the singer's year to see if there are other things people can draw on to mock. Here are 15 stupid things Bieber's done in the last year alone that would make for great jokes.
His Calvin Klein Ad
Saturday Night Live tackled his bulge-y commercial, but there's so much more material there just waiting to be tapped. Like Bieber's naked shower selfie that he posted to prove he's almost as defined as the photoshop brush made him.
That Time He Stole a Cell Phone
With millions of dollars and a small army of personnel, if Bieber needed a cell phone, all he had to do was snap his fingers. Instead he allegedly stole one from a woman at a mini golf course because she was using it to take pictures of him. There was insufficient evidence to charge him, but this is Bieber so I wouldn't be surprised if it were true.
When America Started a Petition to Get Him Deported
And it got so many signatures that President Obama had to issue an official statement on the matter. Now that's a whole new level of hatred.
His On-Again, Off-Again, On-Again, Off-Again Romance
Selena Gomez and the Biebs have a convoluted history and a series of posted-then-deleted Instagram pictures. This relationship would be a great source for jokes, especially now that Gomez has seemingly moved on.
When He Was Carried Up the Great Wall of China
Technically this occurred in late 2013, but it's so funny that it needs to never be forgotten.
When He Bought Himself a Jet
Bieber wasn't going to bother with waiting for Santa to bring him the perfect gift; he bought his own present, which turned out to be a $60 million jet. Of course. (Unless it's not really his.)
When it Turned Out No One on Instagram Liked Him
When the social media site purged spam accounts, Bieber lost the most followers at 3,538,228. Guess not as many people liked him as he thought. Sad face.
When He Got the Most Ironic Tattoo
In March 2014, Bieber announced he was done with tattoos. So naturally two weeks later he got another one. And get this... it's a tattoo of the word "patience." I'd say he did that on purpose, but I don't think he understands irony on that level.
When He Stripped and Made the Face of a Constipated Toddler
His One Million Shirtless Selfies
If this topic isn't brought up, I will be extremely disappointed because someone needs to joke-shame him into stopping.
When He Covered "All About That Bass"
Why? Just why? The video is so bad that I can't look away.
When He Made a List Alongside OJ Simpson
Bieber clocked in at number five on the list of America's most-hated men. He was just two notches below OJ Simpson, so just let that sink in. (Again, why did he want to be roasted? This is going to be a disaster.)
When He Really Sucked at Skateboarding
Dude. Stop trying so hard.
It's really just some creeper-level peach fuzz. Thank goodness he shaved it in the end.
When Taco Bell Dissed Him
Everyone loves Taco Bell, and Taco Bell loves everyone... except for Justin Bieber. When their new breakfast menu hit the United States, people in Canada asked when they could expect the change. The president of the company responded, "When you take Justin Bieber back!" Ouch. But also hilarious.
See? There is just so much to explore when it comes to mocking Bieber. So let's hope they keep it lighthearted, and I guarantee it'll be just as fun.