Give yourself a nice, big pat on the back if you've already finished your Season 3 marathon of Orange Is The New Black . It was a good season, right? The characters seemed so well developed this go-around, and even the Litchfield inmates who have been in the background this whole time were brought front and center. (Chang, it's like we hardly knew you.) But, since the season is now over, and there are no more new episodes to watch, it's time to start thinking about pressing OITNB questions we need answered in Season 4.
Thankfully, the Netflix show has already been renewed for a fourth season, and filming is already underway now! That means we're probably in for a summer premiere in 2016 — just like the last three summer seasons. This gives us plenty of time to not only re-watch everything from the beginning, but also get down into the nitty-gritty things we need answered when the show returns. I'm not just talking questions about whether Alex makes it out alive, or if we'll ever find out what Suzanne did to wind up in prison in the first place. I'm talking the whole gamut of questions, and here's just a short (OK, not really short) list of things that deserve answers in Season 4.
1. First up, for real is Alex going to be OK?
2. So Litchfield is just hiring everyone now, huh?
3. What kind of benefits do you think they're offering these new hires?
4. OK, but seriously, Alex. She can't get hurt, can she?
5. Nicky's got to come out of the max security prison at some point, right?
6. Now that Stella's down at max, too, do you think she and Nicky will be friends?
7. Can we have a bottle episode where we just follow Nicky and Stella around down at the max security prison?
8. Can we have an OITNB spin off about Nicky and Stella down at the max security prison? (Like that's even a question, that's a YES.)
9. Why hasn't Netflix released a line of OTINB underwear?
10. Who wouldn't wear that Whispers underwear? I'm telling you, the idea is gold.
11. Along with that underwear line, can Netflix please release Suzanne's sci-fi erotica in ebook form? Because I'd read that.
12. And are we ever going to find out why she's in prison in the first place?
13. Can we see Black Cindy get a bat mitzvah next season?
14. Can you even IMAGINE Black Cindy's bat mitzvah?
15. OK, but The Time Hump Chronicles, can we read it?
16. Why isn't Netflix releasing a line of Whispers underwear with a tie-in to the Time Hump Chronicles?
17. Will there be a sequel?
18. Will it be adapted for the Litchfield Christmas pageant?
19. Does Suzanne have a career as a writer ahead of her?
20. Can she partner up with Taystee, who will obviously be her literary manager?
21. Will the Litchfield library ever get their books back?
22. Which Harry Potter book is Taystee's favorite?
23. What other books does she recommend?
24. Will Piper and Alex be able to rekindle their love?
25. That is, if Alex is still alive???
26. I feel like Litchfield will have SO MANY issues if Alex dies in the greenhouse, right?
27. Can we start 'shipping Poussey and Soso now?
28. They're great, aren't they?
29. BUT WHAT DID SUZANNE DO?
30. AND WILL SOPHIA COME BACK FROM THE SHU?
31. Was the end of the season as stressful for you as it was for me?
32. But, remember when the correctional officers sang Les Miz? That was wonderful.
33. Can we get a musical episode, Netflix?
34. When exactly can we expect a Season 4?
35. Is the food in prison really that bad?
36. Were the Kosher meals really that good?
37. Let's talk about Chang for a second, because she stole the show. What exactly did she do to wind up in prison?
38. How much does Caputo hate his life?
39. Can Mary Steenburgen come back for more episodes?
40. Can Mary Steenburgen adopt me?
41. Will she ever find out that Daya's baby is alive?
42. Will the Pornstache-loves-Daya thing continue?
43. Is there a possibility that Pornstache could get out of jail and then adopt the baby?
44. Wouldn't that make another good spin off, along with my Nicky & Stella: Max idea?
45. Feel free to use it, Netflix, it's yours. Aren't I nice?
46. Is Piper's tattoo "trust no bitch" an anagram for something?
47. Should we really "trust no bitch?"
48. Also, white ink?
49. How sanitary was that, on, like, a scale from one to Piper's probably going to die?
51. I still don't know if I 'ship that, guys. Do you?
52. How many new inmates are coming to the prison?
53. How much hell is that going to create for everyone?
54. Are those bunkbeds really safe?
55. Where are those inmates coming from?
56. Is the prison going to go through an overcrowded phase, just like when you had to be put in a forced-quad in college?
57. Why are you giving me college flashbacks, OITNB?
58. Is it because college and prison are the same? (Just kidding.)
59. How long was Bennett in the army?
60. Is that his favorite Gwen Stefani song?
61. Does anyone else like to think up OITNB and HTGAWM cross-overs?
62. Do you really believe Bennett's story about his missing leg? (An infection?)
63. And, of course, the most important question: Will Bennett be back?
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