Miley's Weeping Cat Signifies A Problem

I know I speak for everyone in saying that the whole crying and lip-synching cat situation in Miley Cyrus's AMA performance was absolutely mystifying. She didn't move from her spot in front of a huge crying kitten in what looked like a giant space screensaver. So, the whole of the Internet is like "WTF was that cat thing about, oh Miley, you so crazy" whereas for me, as a dedicated Miley expert, quite frankly I'm concerned. In the context of her last few performances, the change from twerking teddy bears to victory joints to a crying cat is a stark one, and I think, given that Miley is kind of a genius hidden behind a huge tongue and very little clothing, she's begging us for help, and the crying cat is our biggest clue.

If we are to take Miley's performances as thematically driven, complex allegories for what is going on in her life, and I think we are, then lil Miley is having a seriously rough time post-Liam. In fact, it's all going to hell on board a crying kitten stuck in an outer space spiderweb, which is seriously troubling and also sounds rather dangerous. Let's review this series of telling performances, shall we, and decide what's going on here.

First, she came out of a teddy bear's bellybutton (or the stuffed animal equivalent of that), twerking on everything like she didn't give a damn, and rubbed that foam finger all around like, "Liam who? All I need is this foam finger to keep me warm at night." And everyone was like "Ooooooh Miley is wild, we are disturbed, Robin Thicke is a pedo," but we were also intrigued. Regardless of how upsetting that performance was, Miley was confident, she was naked, she was rubbing her ass on Robin Thicke's stripy peen like she owned the world. Perhaps she was saying, "Look here! I am Miley and I AM WOMAN." In any case, we believed it. She was being reborn, emerging edgy and new from the womb of a gigantic teddy bear.

Then, there was the European MTV Awards. We'll let the small person with cone boobs go uncommented on in favor of talking about the ballsy victory joint that was had very publicly after winning an award. It spoke to a perhaps misguided sense of what the public is and isn't okay with, but it was confident and brave. Miley was putting her money where her mouth was, and that took guts.

Besides, you just know the idea was hatched late one night, with some goon betting Miley that she wouldn't smoke onstage and Miley being like, "Yo, if I win, I will fucking smoke that joint onstage, just wait." So the public was somewhat shocked, perhaps a little outraged, but Miley was once again standing strong, and showing that she rewards herself for hard work, even if the reward is a cheeky joint here and there. Sure, it wasn't the strong IDGAF attitude of the twerking teddy bears performance, but Miley was still fiercely being Miley, which is something I can always get behind.

Which brings us to this AMA performance, where the weirdness factor was brought not by Miley's back up dancers, not by sexualized dance moves, nor by any references to being a sexy baby, but by the large, very cute cat singing along with her. My thought is that not only are cats adorable, but they are strangely trendy right now, so putting a cat up behind her that cried when she cried, sang when she sang, is the furry equivalent of having worn a sign around her neck that reads "LOVE ME."

If Miley Cyrus is now indicating a personal belief that she needs a cute cat blown up behind her on a screen to get love, then there are several issues here. One of which is that my god, she clearly doesn't get how to best utilize a cat to deal with feelings of isolation. The other being that Miley Cyrus is having a confidence crisis of epic, 20-foot-high-singing-cat proportions.

Sounds like someone could use a snuggle.