It's never easy to let go of someone you truly believed was "The One." When you have a deep connection with someone, it's even harder to cut that cord for good. It sometimes can be easier to stay stuck in a not-so-great situation than realize that something really isn't meant to be. So if you want to break out of that cycle and know if you and your partner
were really not meant to be, experts say there are some very telling signs you can look out for.
Everyone will feel differently when they do finally meet the
person they were mean to be with. But as psychic and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport tells Bustle, there are three basic things you can look out for: an amazing connection, subtle chemistry and a mental connection.
The amazing connection can make you
feel like you've known this person your entire life and the mutual attraction is undeniable. "The connection (not just chemistry) is on another level," Rappaport says. For instance, your interests and your likes and dislikes may be in harmony. This is something that should continue to build from date to date, and should not diminish or wane quickly, she says. The subtle chemistry will make you feel right at home with this person, and the mental connection can make communicating easier.
But when you're not meant to be, it's a totally different story. So here are some fascinating signs that you and your partner may not be good for each other, according to experts.
There's Just Something About The Relationship You're Not Sure About
If you have to try to convince yourself that your partner is “The One,” Rappaport says, chances are, they aren't. "You may like being with your partner, and the sex may be fabulous, but if the other necessary things you need are not present, they are not it," she says.
You're In An On-Again, Off-Again Situation
If you and your partner can't quit a
cycle of breaking up and getting back together, you may think that you keep coming back together for a reason. But according to Jenna Matlin, Clairvoyant Intuitive of The Queen of Wands Tarot, that's not necessarily true. "I have done probably about 5000 readings in the last six years as a full time intuitive and from that I can tell you I have NEVER seen an on-again, off-again relationship work out," Matlin says. According to her, some people are here to teach us lessons about love. "These lessons may not always be pleasant, but the Universe is infinitely patient and will keep putting the same toxic people (or the same round and round relationships) in our lives until we learn that lesson," she says. But when you finally cut ties with unhealthy situations that really don't make you happy, Matlin says you will find the healthy and happy relationship that's meant for you.
You Don't Feel Like You're Good Enough For Them
You may feel like you totally lucked out with your partner. But if you don't feel like you deserve them, relationship expert and psychotherapist,
Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS, tells Bustle, that could mean you're not meant to be. When you're with the right person, you should feel completely comfortable being your true self around them. You just trust that they find you amazing and want to be with you. But if you feel like you have to change who you are or you're afraid that being your true self isn't good enough, Mendez says this is a clear sign that you are not meant to be together.
You're Not Intellectually Compatible
Chemistry is great and everything, but if you and your partner
can't stimulate each other mentally, they may not be "The One." Communication, as we all know, is super important to have if you want your relationship to last. "You need to be able to communicate with each other and make sure you can work out any problems you may experience intelligently," Rappaport says. "If communicating with them always leaves you frustrated or you are unable to find a way to communicate more easily, you have not found 'The One.'"
Your Fantasy Of What Your Ideal Partner Is Doesn't Match The Reality
To be clear, this has nothing to do with physical appearance. This has everything to do with how your partner treats you, how they make you feel, and their behavior. "If you feel like you must change your partner, it is a sign that you weren’t meant to be together," Mendez says. Remember, you can hope for change, but you can't expect it. If your partner isn't giving you what you need, you may need to think about whether this really is the right person for you.
Everything Is Good, But They Don't Want A Commitment "Right Now"
There's nothing worse than meeting someone who is perfect for you in every way but tells you that they're not looking for anything serious at the moment. "While you may feel an amazing connection and the chemistry is off the charts, if the person you have just met is not interested in a relationship and you are, they are definitely not 'The One,'" Rappaport says. If it's meant to be, you and your partner should be in similar places at your life when you meet. "You can never make someone want to be in a relationship if they are not ready or wired in the direction," she says. Although you can wait for them to change their mind eventually, you never know how long that will actually take.
"If your gut is telling you that you can’t trust your partner or that they are wrong for you, then it may be time to move on," Mendez says. When you've invested a lot of time and energy into your relationship, it's hard to truly believe that things aren't really working. So the tendency is to tune out those thoughts, put a smile on your face, and pretend that everything is going OK. But as Mendez says, if your intuition is telling you that your partner may be wrong for you, they probably are.
Psychics, relationship experts, and even people that you're close to can't tell you for sure whether or not someone is "The One" for you. That's something you need to figure out for yourself. Letting go of a relationship is never easy. Sometimes it's easier to just let time pass and hope for the best. But if you really are looking for that one relationship that's meant to be, you need to let go of the one that is not.