If You Can’t Say These 7 Things About Your Partner, They’re Not The Right One For You
There's nothing better than feeling like you've finally met the right one. But how do you know for sure? For some, figuring it out happens early on in the relationship. For others, it's not always easy to tell. Some people may end up staying together for years until they realize they're not a great fit after all. It's never great to feel like you've wasted your time on someone who's not "The One." So fortunately experts say there are some signs that your partner is wrong for you, based on the way you describe your relationship dynamic.
When you're with "The One," you should able to honestly say that they make you happy. As Caleb Backe and I am a Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics tells Bustle, "You should be able to say why you love them and the deeper qualities that make them special." This goes beyond the surface-level stuff that initially attracted you. You should be able to identify the qualities that really connect the two of you together. If you can't or if the qualities you like are a little on the shallow end, your partner may not be the right one for you.
So here are some other things experts say you need to be able to say about your partner to know if they're the right one for you.
1. "They're Genuinely Happy For Me When I Achieve Success"
If you want a lasting relationship, you and your partner need to see yourselves as a team. When something great happens for you, they should see it as a win for them too. At the same time, their success is your success. If you can’t honestly say that you feel like your partner is happy when you’re happy and vice versa, it can cause resentment in the relationship. As Samantha Daniels, Dating Expert and Founder of Samantha’s Table Matchmaking tells Bustle, "If you feel that your partner individually pursues their own best interests over yours all the time, then you might be with someone who is too self-centered to be a good partner to you."
2. "It Feels Right"
When you meet the right one, you’ll know, Bari Lyman, founder and creator of the Meet to Marry Method™ tells Bustle. It's that indescribable feeling you have in your gut. "If you're not feeling the way you want to feel in a your relationship (i.e. prioritized, cherished, and safe), you’re likely feeling anxious instead," Lyman says. In this case, your intuition may be telling you that they're just not the right person.
3. "They Know How To Comfort Me When I'm Feeling Down"
If you're with the right person, Daniels says they should be a source of love and comfort in your life. Ask yourself, how do they treat you when you're having a bad day? "If you find that they aren’t compassionate or attentive when you are upset, they may not be the right one for you," she says.
4. "They Encourage Me To Be Everything I Can Be"
"Unless you can honestly say that your partner doesn’t hold you back, then they might not be the right one for you," Daniels says. "Your partner should be authentically excited about your success and goals in life without holding you back." Similarly, your partner should encourage and support you when you go after your dreams, no matter how big or ridiculous they may seem to other people. If they don't, Daniels says it may be time to reassess your relationship.
5. "We Want The Same Things"
In order to have a harmonious long-term relationship, it's pretty essential to have the same core values and plans for the future. "These days, most people I know say that sharing political views is pretty much mandatory, but values also encompass things like how you spend/save your money, how much time you spend with your respective families, the importance of spirituality or religion, and even how important health and fitness are in your life," couples therapist Amy McManus, LMFT, tells Bustle. So if you can't honestly say that your partner wants the same things out of life as you do, then they may not be right for you.
6. "They Don't Hold My Mistakes Against Me"
If your partner is right for you, McManus says they won't hold onto any mistakes you make in the relationship. Instead, they'll reassure you of their love and will work with you on ways to improve. "I often have clients who feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells, just waiting to see what their partner will find wrong with them," she says. "If you are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, this is not a good sign, and it’s not your fault." McManus also mentions that this line of thinking could be sign of some deeper unresolved issues. So seeking therapy can be invaluable if it's something that's really affecting your relationship and you want it to change.
7. "I Feel Safe And Truly Comfortable Being Myself Around Them"
Everyone deserves to find love with someone who truly accepts them for who they are. "If you find yourself constantly trying to be someone you aren’t in order to please your partner, it’s a good idea to look at the reasons behind this," McManus says. This can mean you constantly having that uneasy feeling that being yourself isn't good enough. If your partner makes you feel that way, you may need to think about how healthy your dynamic really is. But if it's something that comes from within you, working on yourself, talking to your partner, or even getting help from a professional can help ease any insecurities you may have about your relationship.
The journey to finding "The One" isn't always easy. You may have to go through a lot of wrong ones in order to find the right one. But if you're honest with yourself and what you truly need in a relationship, you're one step closer to finding the right one.