One moment you first lock eyes, the next you're getting married? No, not really, but there actually are a few different ways to know right away that you're meant to be together. By looking for the immediate signs you found your soulmate, you may be able to figure out right away whether or not you can start a life together. And, if you are lucky enough to find "The One," savor that feeling and enjoy every bit of getting to know each other and building a future.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on improving their relationships, both platonic and intimate. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, it's particularly important to remember it takes effort and care to make it last. So, even if you've found your soulmate, and your gut is screaming so, you still need to put in the work to allow it to develop and thrive. If you happen to get the feeling that you have met The One you're meant to be with, follow your heart, and give the relationship it's best shot. If it's meant to be, it'll work out. And, of course while these signs aren't set in stone, they are common hints that you've met someone you may really connect with and have some unexplainable bond with, one that deserves to be explored further. Here are 11 signs you've found your soulmate, according to experts.
1. You Have A Shared Vision For The Future
"It's vital that a couple share a basic, overall picture of how they'd like for their lives to unfold — financially, children, spiritually, lifestyle, contribution to the world, etc," Shlomo Zalman Bregman, rabbi and matchmaker in NYC, tells Bustle. "When this is in place, it serves as an irreplaceable 'true north' and helps clarify what each partner should be working towards daily, as well as helping the couple clarify how to make some of the tougher decisions in life." So, talk about these issues early on. After all, someone isn't the one for you if you're not on the same page. It may seem a little job interview-esque to try and glean these details out of someone early on, but in a natural conversation, it's all part of the process of getting to know each other — and gauging whether or not you have similar visions for the future is a huge part of that.
2. You're Both Authentic With Each Other
"Whereas many people go through life holding back major pieces of themselves from everyone else, and only sharing what they want seen — when you find 'the one,' they really can 'see' you," says Bregman to Bustle. "Moreover, you will feel comfortable to be yourself and feel accepted and loved, without any pretense." And this will color the rest of your relationship. "This backdrop creates a precious opportunity to have truly honest communication and to share love, fears, and hopes without judgment," Bregman says.
3. You Feel Both Admit To Mistakes
We're all human, right? "The most successful, dynamic couples have no difficulty admitting when they were wrong and fell short of treating their significant other properly," says Bregman. Even early on, a partner will be able to admit fault and focus on apologies and how to move forward, says Bregman. When you're with the right person, being right in an argument won't matter as much as working through problems together. What's more important is that you're able to disagree in emotionally intelligent, sensitive ways, and to forgive each other when the situation calls for it.
4. You Trust Each Other
If you tell your partner a secret early on, it first establishes that you have a gut instinct to trust them, which is already a good sign for the relationship. And if they are faithful to you and keep it private, it builds a level of trust that will only grow over time. "When told something in confidence, they do not share the information with anyone, even their best friend," Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells Bustle. If they prove themselves trustworthy early on, then this is a good sign for the future.
5. They Support You Unconditionally
Your soulmate should be your biggest fan. A sign of this support? "[T]hey ask how you are doing sometimes without even sharing their own personal issues," says Hershenson. "Listening to others' problems and lending an ear is a good way to 'get out of your head' and lets you know they are fully present to listen to you." Just make sure that you, too, are tuning into your partner's issues, and asking about their feelings — that unconditional support is a two-way street, and makes all the difference in the relationship's ability to last.
6. They Are Genuinely Kind
Sure, this might seem generic, but if your partner is genuinely kind, and you see that early on and with a few other factors, too, it might be fate. "Couples research shows that kindness is an important trait for a partner if a relationship is going to last," David Bennett, relationship counselor, tells Bustle. "Early on, observe how kind they are, but especially to other people. Usually when someone is 'in love' they will treat that person very kindly in the early phases of a relationship. The key to whether they are really kind is how they treat others, so observe how they treat their family, friends, and in particular servers, clerks, and other service employees."
7. They Share Your Values
"Early on in a relationship, the feeling of love is strong and 'conquers all,'" says Bennett. "However, after a few years this feeling will wear off, and value conflicts can arise. Make sure you're on the same page early on about key issues and beliefs. If you are, your partner may be 'the one.'" Key values you may want to share could be certain ethics and morals, as well as top life priorities, says Bennett. These can shift from person to person depending on what priorities are most important to you — something as seemingly small as whether one of you wants to travel more than the other, or as life-changing as whether or not you want kids, all have their own weight and importance that is worth sorting out in the early days.
8. Your Friends & Family Love Them
If those with you're closest with give your partner a stamp of approval, it's a good sign. "Ultimately 'The One' will have to get along with the people who mean the most to you," says Bennett. "If your family and friends love your partner and can't get enough of them, that's a great sign." Of course, it matters what you think the most, but your network's approval does hold a very heavy weight — especially when you consider how many future holidays and events you'll be spending together.
9. You Feel Like You've Known Them Forever
Have you only first met but you feel like it's been years? That could mean something. "When meeting or dating someone new, it's normal to feel uncomfortable, uncertain and unfamiliar," Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. "However, if someone new feels like they're just 'right' to you, and there's no discomfort or uncertainty at all, you may have found the one. This is a sign of soulmates making a true connection." Just make sure that the gut feeling you have is one that's motivated by genuine intimacy, and not lust or the excitement of a new relationship — then you'll know it's a foundation that was built to last.
10. Things Feel Different From Other Relationships
If they make you feel something you've never felt with anyone else before, it's a sign they could be a soulmate. "Particularly for those who have dated a lot of people, this can be an overwhelming feeling," says Backe. "There's an indefinable sort of quality to a date during which you feel like you're experiencing something totally new, and this can be a surefire sign that you've met 'the one.'"
11. Their Happiness Is Most Important To You
This realization allows you to know that you fully love someone and that it is beyond infatuation. "When you truly care about someone deep enough that you are ready to sacrifice your feelings, time, situation...without expectation for anything in return, then you know they are the one for you," relationship consultant Andrea Adams-Miller, MS, CHES tells Bustle. "Likewise, if you find out that they feel that way about you, then you have a keeper. This is the type of relationship where the other is willing to love you unconditionally as you are with no expectations for you to be something else or someone you are not."
If you happen to see these signs early on in the relationship, it could mean that you've found someone who's right for you. If you find it's worth digging a bit deeper, feel it out and see how it progresses. It might turn out to be forever.
Shlomo Zalman Bregman, Rabbi and Matchmaker, http://rabbibregman.com/.
Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, Psychotherapist, https://www.kimberlyhershensonlcsw.com/.
David Bennett, Relationship Counselor, http://thepopularman.com/.
Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert, Maple Holistics.
Andrea Adams-Miller, Relationships Consultant, sexualitytutor.com.
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