If Your Partner Believes These 7 Things About Your Relationship, They're More Likely To Cheat
People have all kinds of reasons for cheating, so knowing whether your partner is likely to cheat or not can be fairly difficult. But there is something you can pay close attention to. According to experts, your partner's thoughts about your relationship can clue you into how likely it is for them cheat.
"The way your partner talks about the relationship is often reflective of the way they feel in the relationship," Rachel Perlstein, LCSW, relationship coach and co-founder of A Good First Date, tells Bustle. "People can have a difficult time communicating their needs and wants to their partner, and so casual comments are a good way to 'take the temperature' of your relationship."
When you don't pay attention to the subtle things your partner says here and there, it's easy to get blindsided by a sudden breakup or a confession of infidelity. When it comes to cheating, Perlstein says, it can happen for so many different reasons. "Sometimes, people enter into relationship with a specific mindset and other times, they arise because of the specific dynamic, as their needs are not fulfilled," she says.
While you shouldn't panic unnecessarily, if you have reason to believe your partner may be unfaithful, and they have said these things about your relationship, experts say, they may be more likely to cheat.
1. Their Needs Will Be Met Regardless Of Whether Or Not It's By You
"This belief can arise when someone does not fully buy in to a traditional monogamous relationship and thus, they feel permission to open the relationship up to other people," Perlstein says. This can also happen if someone has a more "avoidant attachment style" and doesn't trust that their needs will be met by their partner. "Basically, they may feel uncomfortable relying on one person to meet their needs," she says. They might not fully let themselves open up, and may use the excuse that their partner isn't "meeting their needs" to cheat. If your partner voices this thought, it's important to talk to them about what they mean, and set boundaries for what cheating looks like to you.
2. They're Not Good Enough For You
Insecurity can have a way of sabotaging your relationship without you realizing it. According to Perlstein, a partner thinking they're not attractive enough, smart enough, funny enough, or good enough can result in physical or emotional cheating in order to prove their self-worth. "This belief can exist because of the relationship dynamic or could have predated the relationship," she says. It's important to note that you can be the most king, loving, and reassuring partner. So don't think that your partner thinking this way has anything to do with you.
3. Marriage Isn't For Them
While marriage isn't for everyone, take note if your partner says it isn't their end goal, especially if you told them you want that type of commitment in the future, Amanda Raimondi, relationship expert with Grapevine, tells Bustle. They may love you and care about you for now, but if they don't see that type of long-term commitment with you, they may not be as serious about staying exclusive. In the back of their mind, your relationship may be seen as temporary to them. "People who don’t believe in marriage are usually open about this fact, so definitely leave that relationship if it doesn't align with what you want," she says. And if there is any ambiguity, as your partner directly what they expect from your relationship.
4. Cheating Will Get Your Attention
If your partner feels neglected by you or that their needs aren't being met, Perlstein says, they may think about cheating. "The belief may come about if the person has attempted to talk with their significant other and nothing has changed or they have tried to give 'clues' to their partner about what they need and their partner has not picked up on them," she says. They may feel invisible or that you don't care enough about them. So if your partner has hinted in any way that they feel neglected, it's important to listen and talk to them about it.
5. The Relationship Is Boring
Relationships aren't going to be fun and sexy forever. When the honeymoon period ends, it takes effort to keep it exciting. As certified matchmaker, Julia McCurley, tells Bustle, "When the excitement dies down and transmutes to the feelings that go with a stable, multi-layered relationship, this can become an issue." Some partners will become bored and may start to wander. While this isn't always the case, and may not be the case with your partner, take note if they start to talk about how things haven't been exciting lately. Then talk to them about what you can both do to renew the spark.
6. Your Relationship Is The Same As Every Relationship They've Had In The Past
"Often people will have unresolved problems from their past family life and a history of negative relationship experiences because one drives the other," Jane Reardon, licensed therapist and co-founder of RxBreakup, tells Bustle. "Until they begin to recognize the unconscious material that is driving their behavior, they’ll keep repeating the same problems." If your partner has thoughts that you're just going to leave them or that all relationships end, they may do things that will sabotage the relationship even if they're unaware of it. If your partner voices this concern, it may be best to talk with them, and perhaps even encourage them to seek help through therapy.
7. Being In A Relationship Is Better Than Being Alone
"If your partner is just with you for convenience or because they do not want to be alone, [they may not] see a future with you," licensed marriage and family therapist, Heidi McBain, MA, tells Bustle. This thought process could mean that your partner isn't truly committed to just you. If that's the case, the emotional connection may not really be there, which can make cheating easier for them. And if you believe this to be the case, it's up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth salvaging, or whether you deserve better.
Keep in mind, these beliefs don't always lead to cheating. The best thing you can do is to keep the lines of communication open. If something seems off with your partner, try to talk to them about it. Reassure them of your feelings if that's what they need. But just remember that there is no good excuse for cheating. People will cheat no matter what you do, so never blame yourself. It's never your fault.