Life
11 Ways Your Partner Is Unconsciously Showing That They Appreciate You, According To Experts
There are lots of deliberate ways your partner might show their appreciation for you, such as writing sweet notes, or giving meaningful gifts. But it might also show up in subtler forms, like in their everyday habits. And they might even do these things things without fully realizing it.
After all, if they appreciate you and all that you do, they won't be able to help but feel grateful. And that's a good thing, especially since shared appreciation for each other is one of the best ways to maintain a strong relationship, Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle.
"When both partners feel appreciated," she says, "they are much more likely to want to be together because each person feels valued." Appreciation means you're hearing each other and making each other a priority, but also noticing all those little things the other does in the background, in order to keep the relationship going.
"Once that sense of value is set in place," Trombetti says, "the sky's the limit for how strong you can grow as individuals as well as a couple," which is why valuing each other really is key. Read on below for some signs your partner truly does appreciate you, according to experts.
1They Thank You For The Little Things
"Openly expressing gratitude for big or small gestures is a clear sign that your partner appreciates you — even if it’s a gesture you make every day," Candice Smith, relationship expert and founder of Two to Tango Intimacy Coaching, tells Bustle.
Whether you're making coffee in the morning or taking out the trash, they just can't help but say thanks. It shows they're not only paying attention, but appreciating all that you do.
2They Can't Stop Talking About You
If your partner appreciates you, they will affirm you, "both in front of you and when you’re not around," Danielle Laura, love and relationship coach and founder of H.O.T. Souls Couples Coaching, tells Bustle. "Not in a planned way, but rather this happens naturally in conversation that just 'comes up.'"
You might hear from a mutual friend, for example, that they were talking about you in a positive way. And moments like this happen again and again. As Laura says, "When we genuinely appreciate our partners, it’s natural to gush about them and how incredible they are — whether they’re around or not!"
3They Check In Throughout The Day
If your partner checks in with you throughout the day, consider it another sign of appreciation, relationship therapist Audrey Hope, tells Bustle. They might send a funny meme, ask how your day's going — just little ways to stay in touch.
With life being as busy as it is, this shows that they're thinking about you, making you a priority, and carving out some extra time to say hi which, as Hope says, is a good thing. Showing that you're thinking about each other, even when you're apart, can be quite meaningful, too.
4They Validate You
"If your partner makes an effort to respond positively to your requests for attention instead of shutting you down or ignoring you — even when they are in the middle of doing something else, or despite having a hard day — shows respect and appreciation," Smith says.
Of course, you don't need to give each other attention all day long. But your partner might be able to tell when the moment calls for it, and respond accordingly. It's all about validating you, and it's something they'll want to do without having to think twice.
5They Make Small, Beneficial Changes
Lots of couples have heart-to-hearts about the things that are bothering them in the relationship, but then don't see any changes happening afterward.
With your partner, though, you might notice that they make a mental note of all that areas that need to be improved, and then set about improving them, Smith says.
If you, for example, mentioned that it's really annoying to find dirty dishes in the sink, you might come into the kitchen one day to find your partner cleaning up. Or maybe you two talked about paying bills, and they decided to organize a budget.
Appreciation is all about listening, and then making small adjustments like these for the greater benefit of the relationship.
6They're Present
It's so easy to let your attention drift elsewhere, like to your phone, or whatever's on TV. But, as Smith says, "if your partner makes an effort to be consciously present with you — putting the phone away and reducing other distractions — they are demonstrating that they appreciate and want to spend quality time with you."
Of course, that's not to say they won't look at their phone or enjoy a show, but that they unconsciously know when it's best to put those things away for a while, and shift their focus to you.
7They Show Their Love
You might notice that your partner shows love in the ways that are most meaningful to you, whether that's hugging you, spending time together, or helping out around the house.
Basically, they strive to speak your love language, "meaning they will inherently do the things they know will make you feel most loved and cherished," Laura says. "If your love language is acts of service, you may find your partner doing the sweet little things for you like cooking you dinner, getting your oil changed, running an errand for you on your to-do list, etc."
Even if this isn't how they'd prefer to be loved (maybe they like physical connection, or words of affirmation), "it’s the fact that they’re going out of their way to show you love and appreciation in a way that it’ll mean the most for you," Laura says, "not just the ways that are most convenient or easy for them."
8They Make Small Sacrifices For You
Your partner might go out of their way to make small sacrifices for you, especially if it means making you happy or strengthening your relationship.
For example, they might choose to miss the occasional outing with their friends, Laura says, "in lieu of spending time with you, and they don’t even mention it (or even see it as a sacrifice) because you’re that important to them."
They make you a priority, and if that means occasionally changing their plans or slightly altering their course, they're down for it. (And you are, too.)
9They Like To Be Close
A person who appreciates you might naturally gravitate closer to you, without even realizing it. "Our brains are wired to actually want to be by the person whom we appreciate as it increases dopamine in the brain," Laura says. "Finding yourself or your partner physically close to you is another unconscious indicator they truly appreciate you, and deeply crave being in your presence."
10They Get Out Of Their Comfort Zone For You
While you don't have to like all the same things in order to have a strong relationship, you might notice that your partner is willing to learn more about your hobbies and interests, in an effort to connect.
Maybe they go to your favorite gym class with you, Laura says, even though it's not something they'd ever want to do on their own. This willingness to step outside their comfort zone, she says, shows a level of appreciation and respect, and can even lead to a stronger bond.
11They Make An Effort To Understand You
Your partner will probably make an effort to understand you on a daily basis, but "especially when you have disagreements or don’t see eye-to-eye on things," Laura says. If something isn't clicking, they'll ask more questions, or try to shift their perspective to see things from your point of view.
Basically, "a partner that appreciates you will go above and beyond to understand themselves as well as you because they truly want to grow with you and have a thriving relationship," Laura says.
Appreciation is one of the most important things to have in a relationship, and picking up on all the little ways it's there can solidify your connection.
