Everyone has warm and welcoming traits that make them easy to be around, as well as a few
off-putting personality traits that are more likely to rub others the wrong way. And that's totally OK. We're all complex people made up positive qualities and negative ones — and are under no obligation to please everyone.
That said, it's always a good idea to remain self-aware, and to be open to changing up traits or habits that are no longer working for you — especially if they're not the most positive or helpful.
And that's where astrology can come in handy. "We all have off-putting qualities," author and
astrologer Lisa Barretta, tells Bustle. Some signs may be secretive, while others are gossipy. Some are known for their stubbornness, while others may stop at nothing to achieve their dreams. In and of themselves, these traits can be positive. But when taken to the extreme, they can become a negative.
When that happens, "[it's often] helpful to look to your
opposite zodiac sign to find your hidden side," Barretta says. "The [opposite] of each sign holds many valuable qualities that when consciously incorporated into your persona, bring about balance and wholeness." Read on for the one off-putting quality each sign is prone may be, according to an expert, as well as a few tips for finding balance.
Aries (March 21 - April 19): Seeming Impatient
Since Aries is a fire sign ruled by the planet Mars, "they can be very impatient and impulsive," Barretta says. Instead of waiting their turn in life, they may push to the front — and may trample others in the process.
While it's great they have a go-getter personality, there's always room for Aries to
find more balance. "In the case for Aries, they can look to [...] their opposite sign, Libra, and attempt to be more discerning before rushing into things," Barretta says.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Being Stubborn
Much like their symbol, the bull, Taurus can seem quite stubborn —and are sometimes unwilling to
leave their comfort zone. "Taurus is a very fixed earth sign and is ruled by the 'night side' of the planet Venus," Barretta says. "[This] can make them prone to being self-indulgent, which can give off the impression of being 'all about them.'"
It's admirable that Taurus knows what they want, and that they're able to stick to their guns. But it never hurts to be a bit more flexible, for their own sake. As Barretta says, "Taurus can try to be a little more flexible and open to getting past their own self-imposed boundaries."
Gemini (May 21 - June 20): Gossiping About Others
As a changeable and adaptable sign, Gemini can sometimes seem a bit rude and flaky — as well as slightly gossipy. "Sometimes their conversations seem gossipy and they like to stir up debates, which can quickly become arguments," Barretta says.
Since this tendency can get a Gemini in trouble, and push others away, they may want to reel it in. "Gemini does well to watch their words and curb their impulse to comment on everything."
Cancer (June 21 - July 22): Taking Things Too Seriously
Cancer is ruled by the moon, and thus is always changing. "Their moods can [...] wax and wane depending on the day," Barretta says. "This is a very sensitive sign even though they exhibit a tough 'shell' exterior." And as a result, others might view them as "too serious" or "too sensitive."
While Cancer doesn't have to radically overhaul their life, they're often a lot happier once they decide to loosen up a bit, not take everything so seriously, and curb their tendency to feel that everyone is "out to get them," Barretta says.
Leo (July 23 - August 22): Bossing Everyone Around
As a fixed sign, Leo can easily come off as "stubborn, opinionated, and bossy," Barretta says. "Rarely you come across a shy, quiet Leo." They're often found standing in the proverbial spotlight, telling others what to do.
This is a useful quality, to a degree, but can always
be balanced out. "Leo would do better to take the approach of an 'iron fist' in a 'velvet glove' so they don't alienate their circle of friends, family, and coworkers," Barretta says. "They have to learn to play to their audience rather than rule them."
Virgo (August 23 - September 22): Coming Off As Hyper Critical
Known for their tendency to over-think everything, it's not surprising that Virgo might come off as a tad critical at times. "This sign analyzes everything, takes it apart, and critiques their findings," Barretta says. "Like the other Mercury-ruled sign, Gemini, Virgo can be quick to comment on things."
But since nobody likes to be harshly criticized, it never hurts for Virgo to strike a balance. "Virgo does best to understand that we do not live in a perfect world and they should try to see the 'Wabi-Sabi,' the
beauty in imperfection," Barretta says. In other words, they often benefit from learning to let go, relaxing, and not always picking apart the world around them.
Libra (September 23 - October 22): Appearing Insincere
Libra is a kind sign that focuses on fairness, good values, beautiful things, and harmony, Barretta says. But they have to be careful, as their sweet nature can sometimes make them seem a bit insincere.
"They try to
take both sides of an argument in order to seek balance in their lives." Barretta says. "But this sought after balance comes at the expense of coming off as indecisive, and insincere. Libra should attempt to learn how to make firm choices and not keep changing their mind."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21): Closing Themselves Off From Others
Scorpio isn't always quick to open up to others, and that's fine. But this trait can make them seem a bit "mysterious" — and not always in a good way.
"Scorpio is an intense, edgy sign ruled by both Pluto and Mars," Barretta says. "They have good instincts and a natural detective quality that sometimes comes off as being illusive toward others. This sign doesn't freely show their hand and they come off as secretive, which can make people who are more open feel nervous."
Like other signs, they certainly don't have to change their ways simply to make others happy. But it never hurts for them to
occasionally be more open, as a way of forming deeper connections.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): Being Super Opinionated
Since they are ruled by Jupiter, Sagittarius is often known for being a the life of the party. "[They] can be a lot of fun and are always seeking a new adventure," Barretta says. But they can occasionally
rub others the wrong way.
"Like the other fire sign, Leo, they don't shy away from expressing their opinions," she says. "[They] can continue to let the good times roll and the adventures abound but should curb the tendency to push their opinions [on others]."
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): Seeming Snobby
Since Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, they're
all about creating a super structured life. This sign strives to get ahead at work, and is driven by their desire for success — two qualities that make them excellent at achieving their dreams.
But because they can be workaholics, and live by this creed, they often look down on others who may not share the same goals. "They like traditional values and can come off [as] snobby," Barretta says.
In order to be more understanding, Capricorn may want to look beyond their own self-imposed boundaries, Barretta says. "They also should be more aware of putting a dollar and prestige value on everything. It doesn't always have to be 'leather,' especially since 'pleather' is more animal friendly."
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): Being Unpredictable
Ruled by the planet Uranus, Aquarius "strives to be different and forward-thinking and oftentimes others find them quirky," Barretta says. But some folks may find it all slightly off-putting — and unpredictable.
If it seems like this trait is holding them back, Aquarius can try to "curb their tendency to push the envelope with those who are more on the conservative side," she says. It's
all about reading the room and understanding who will be most appreciative of their personality, and who may need a slightly edited version.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20): Flaking Out
For dreamy Pisces, their most off-putting characteristic tends to be their inherent flakiness. "Pisces like to escape reality, which they find too harsh to deal with at times," Barretta says. "They can get lost in a book, painting, and even their own imagination when they want to hide out."
But unsurprisingly, that means they often let others down. "You never know if they will show up or
bail out of plans at the last minute," Barretta says. Which can definitely rub others the wrong way.
To find more balance, Pisces can make an effort to remain grounded in reality. While they don't need to drop their dreamy personality, they should try to remember — and stick to — their schedule.
Small tweaks like these can help us all find a happy middle ground, when it comes to our more "off-putting" qualities. If we want to drop bad habits and
get along well with others, it's certainly possible to do so.