No matter how sexually experienced you are, your
first time having sex with someone new can still be a nerve-wracking experience. Sex is a super intimate act that requires a lot of trust, and the first time you're that vulnerable with someone can be scary, especially if it's someone you're dating or super romantically interested in.
But as much as you might hope that you'll
immediately sexually click with someone just because you like each other, the reality is that that's not exactly guaranteed — or even likely. According to a recent survey of 2,000 people from adult toy retailer Pure Romance, six in ten people said they've had a relationship start off with bad sex. The good news? If you really care about your partner and both of put in a little effort to get sexually comfortable with each other, it can totally get better with time.
“The only way for sex to continue to get better is for your communication to continue to get better," Patty Brisben, founder of Pure Romance, tells Bustle. "You don’t have to be a traffic cop, the 'stop' and 'go' does not make for a sexy and enjoyable dialogue in the heat of the moment. Bring up how much you enjoyed something your partner did afterward and continue the conversation from there.”
If you need more proof that having bad sex initially doesn't have to spell doom for a budding relationship, here are nine accounts from Reddit users about their
first time having sex with their now-significant other's (spoiler alert: it's not all rainbows and multiple orgasms).
It Might Feel Clumsy At First
When you're exploring someone's body for the first time, naturally you're not going to know
exactly what buttons to push yet. Luckily, having lots of sex to "practice" and get more acquainted with each other's bodies is fun AF (pun intended).
You Could Have, Uhh, Technical Difficulties
If you run into this issue, proceed with caution, stock up on lube, and gradually work up to the point where you can comfortably receive penetration (if you want to, of course).
The Sex Could Actually Be Amazing
In some cases, the first time you have sex with someone new can be a fun, mind-blowing experience all around. The key? Both partners being respectful and attentive to each other's needs.
When you have strong feelings for someone, your first time having sex will probably feel pretty intense — even if it's not necessarily a perfect experience.
There Might Be An Awkward Moment Or Two
Awkward moments during sex happen all the time, so don't be too hard on yourself if something less-than-sexy occurs the first time you do the deed with someone new.
The Sex Could Be Wild And Fun
Despite the potential for awkwardness, your first time having sex with a new partner could also be wild and fun — maybe because you're so dang excited to finally get it on with someone you really like.
It Could Be A Weird Experience
sex is just plain weird — but that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you're able to be totally yourself and have weird, goofy sex with someone, that can be even better than having picture-perfect sex anyway.
Even If It's "Horrible," It Can Get Better
Yikes — if "horrible" is the first word that comes to mind when you think of your first time having sex with someone, that's definitely not ideal.
The most important thing to remember in a new relationship?
Sexual chemistry can take time to develop, so there's no need to write someone off solely because your first time sleeping together isn't exactly what you'd envisioned. That being said, if your sex life is unsatisfying or unhealthy and your partner has no interest in working together to improve your sexual connection, that is an absolutely valid reason to end it.