If you've been faking orgasms, you've probably already been warned that faking can stop you from getting real orgasms. But the thing is, it's not all on you. If it were easy to stop faking orgasms, you would've done it. It can be hard when your partner isn't invested in your pleasure, doesn't know how to please you, and/or views your orgasm as an ego boost.
Conversely, if you suspect your partner is faking orgasms, it's not all on them. There are things you can do to make them more comfortable being honest about what's going on and/or talking to you about how to give them real orgasms. To see how people's partners can get them to stop faking orgasms, Astroglide recently surveyed people on what they need to attain more real orgasms.
The survey results show that, while you hear about a lot of fancy tricks to induce orgasms, it actually comes down to the basics. "Sex is often framed as a performative act, and much of the advice focuses on specific how-to approaches: techniques, positions, tips, and tricks," Astroglide's resident sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly, tells Bustle. "And while experimenting with novel techniques and positions can enliven interest and make sex more exciting, the foundation of a fulfilling sexual encounter is often rooted in the relational elements — connection, communication, a willingness to listen, learn, and try a variety of approaches (including oral)."
A previous Astroglide survey found that 75 percent of women and 37 percent of men had faked an orgasm during intercourse. And while 74 percent of men ages 18-24 would masturbate or ask their partners to assist if they didn't orgasm during intercourse, only 56 percent of women would do the same, while the rest would "stay silent and frustrated." So, it seems like women, as usual, are getting the short end of the stick.
It doesn't have to be that way, though. 4,342 people told Astroglide what their partners can do to help them orgasm and stop faking. Here are the most common themes women mentioned in their responses.