There's no shame in taking a while to get comfortable in the sack. Even if you consider yourself "sexperienced," with each new partner you have, it's like you're pushing reset: You know what you like, but it can take a while to get acquainted with one another's bodies and preferences. No matter your age or experience level, there are times when you might need a few tips for gaining confidence in bed.
Even though sex is fun, it's unrealistic to pretend it doesn't hold the potential to open the door for a flood of insecurities. For example, it's not uncommon to feel vulnerable when you're naked , or to get embarrassed if you aren't doing a new position "perfectly" on the first try. Whether you're introverted or extroverted, it's also possible to experience moments of shyness in the bedroom. But there are ways to overcome it all, slowly but surely — and especially so when you have a helpful partner.
"Self-confidence is connected to so many things, especially when it comes to our sexuality and how we behave," Michelle Hope, MA, a sexologist, previously told Bustle. "Sexuality in the context of human behavior is something that has implication rooted in one's physical, mental, emotional and spiritual balance. It is a part of our everyday decisions whether we are conscious of it or not."
So, whether you're with a new partner and could use a boost of self-esteem, or just haven't been feelin' like yourself lately, give one (or all) of these positions a try — and you'll be on track to becoming a shining star in the sheets.
1. On Top
It may sound like an oxymoron, but often one of the most efficient ways to get comfortable is to get uncomfortable, first. Many people will admit that being on top makes them feel vulnerable, and that's precisely why you should do it!
Not only will you be on full display, but you'll also be in control — and that's a wonderful thing. Being on top is dominant sex position, since you control the pace.
Focus on working your hips to help yourself (and your partner) achieve orgasm. It might take a few tries to figure out the right combo of rhythm and speed, but you'll be glad you put in the effort.
2. Doggy Style
Another position that can help you gain confidence? Doggy style. It's perfect because it allows both partners, regardless of gender, to play an active role.
For example, if you're with someone who's entering you from behind, they'll be doing their thing, while you can use a free hand on your clitoris — or even a try out a vibrator. Try different maneuvers and angles until you figure out what feels best for you.
3. Weak In The Knees
A huge part of being confident in bed is feeling comfortable with your partner, and since position has your partner's face right up in your business, it's sure to make that happen ASAP.
Oral sex as a whole can really help you connect emotionally with your partner. Not to mention, good old-fashioned face-sitting is the perfect way to bring you and your partner together and give you both the confidence to tackle even more risque sex moves.
4. Sofa Brace
Though this position is technically similar to doggy style, it offers a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to getting more confident in bed — because you're not in bed, but instead draped over the back of a sofa while your partner enters you from behind.
Here's why it's helpful: Conditioning yourself to let loose and have sex in a more public place (even though it's just the couch) adds a new dimension of sexiness, because it's not the most typical place to have sex. Confidence can come from feeling a little more deviant than usual, and this position is a great way to flex your sexual-rule-breaking muscles.
5. Legs Up
Classic missionary is always great, but putting your legs on your partner's shoulders during sex is a quick and easy way to take it up a notch. What part of it can give you a confidence boost? The fact that you're putting more of your body on display, and also putting your athleticism to the test.
You don't have to be mega flexible to make this work, but it definitely requires a little more effort on your part. Whether you throw one or both legs on your partner's shoulders, or simply pull your knees back towards your chest, doing it on your own without them guiding you will make it seem like you know exactly what you want — and soon your psyche will follow.
6. Reverse Cowgirl
Just like traditional on top, the reverse cowgirl sex position is all about getting comfortable taking the lead when it comes to sex. This one has the added bonus of helping you be more confident about your, ahem, assets, being on full display, which might take some getting used to.
If you're accustomed to variations of missionary sex (and there's no shame in that), trying a position with less eye contact can feel a little weird. It makes things more primal, because you're just focusing on the physical sensations. Of course, preferring emotional intimacy during sex is fine, but doing the occasional reverse cowgirl might just tap into a side you didn't know you had — or needed.
For this position to give you confidence, you'll want to be the big spoon in the equation. So get behind your partner, and set the pace. If you're spooning during foreplay, you can take the lead and kiss your partner's neck while touching them from behind, and make it all about their pleasure. It can be a lesson in building intimacy, which in turn will make you more confident.
8. The Three-Legged Dog
Another confidence hurdle you might eventually need to overcome? Learning how to navigate standing sex positions. Positions like this one can be a bit off-putting, especially if you and your partner have a big height difference, but it's well worth the energy. It's fun, and it can come in handy in case you're ever having sex some place where a bed isn't available.
9. Sideways Straddle
Though some may shy away from this position because it seems "difficult," it's actually worth your while to give it a shot. First of all, what could be more confidence-boosting than mastering a tricky sex position? And second, giving your partner a great view while enjoying the added bonus of all the grinding-against-the-leg action is a great way for you both to have an awesome orgasm.
If you need an extra dose of motivation, remember that being confident in bed will make for better sex, because you'll be less focused on what might go wrong and more focused on enjoying the present moment. So get out there and see what works best for you.
Michelle Hope, MA, sexologist
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