Sex
You’ve got to start somewhere.
If you're a beginner, sex can quickly become overwhelming, which is why there's no shame in sticking with easy sex positions for as long as you like. When you aren't trying to contort into trickier positions in bed, you're free to figure out what feels good, what your partner likes, and what to do with your limbs — all important aspects of good sex.
One of the best things you can do, if you and/or your partner have limited sexual experience, is to "pay attention to your pace,” Tristan Weedmark, a global passion ambassador for the sex toy brand We-Vibe, tells Bustle. “There’s no reason to rush into something in bed that might provoke anxiety." Or confusion. Or pain.
Instead, Weedmark suggests slowing way down, reading each other's body language, and trying to stay mindful as possible. If you're both new to it that's no problem— you can discover what you like together by experimenting and being open to trying new things. Go easy on yourselves, and don't be afraid to laugh if something "goes wrong," or you can't figure a position out right away.
It can also help to be honest about any concerns. "Assess your expectations and align them with your partner," Dr. Michael Reitano, MD, a physician in residence at sexual health startup Roman, previously told Bustle. "The truth is the preparation for sex allows the participants to begin to imagine what is to come and build positive sexual tension all while stressful details are shed."
With all that in mind, here are some great sex positions to try if you're a beginner.
1
Face-To-Face
How To Do It: Lie on your sides and face each other, then move slightly higher up on the bed so your hips are above your partner's. Wrap your top leg around them and guide them inside of you or grind against them. Don't hesitate to add lots of lube.
Why It's Great For Beginners: If you aren't sure what you're doing — and it's totally OK if you don't — this position will help you stay in tune with each other, to make sure you're both comfortable. This is also an intimate position that you can relax into and make more intense if you'd like, as you get more comfortable.
2
Missionary (Modified)
How To Do It: Start by lying on your back in the traditional missionary position. Then have your partner move their hips higher up the bed while you wrap your legs around them for deeper penetration. Or, pull your legs back towards yourself, if you're able to.
Why It's Great For Beginners: Missionary is a great go-to for beginners, but this variation is a better position for orgasm. Plus, you're both in a comfortable position to just focus on each other and make sure you're both getting what you need.
3
On Top (Modified)
How To Do It: Have your partner sit up and lean back against the headboard or a couch while you straddle them and lower down. For even more closeness, they can bend their knees to help prop you up, so you don't have to do a ton of work.
Why It's Great For Beginners: On top is a great position, but it can make some people feel a little exposed or uncomfortable — especially when they're inexperienced. This allows you to be in control, but with a more intimate and connected option.
4
Doggy
How To Do It: Prop yourself up on your hands and knees and spread your legs so your partner can kneel behind you. You may need to move your legs further apart or closer together, depending on your height differences, so don't be afraid to adjust.
Why It's Great For Beginners: Even though you're new, you may like more intensity. This position lets you experiment with deeper penetration and leaves a hand free to play with your clit.
5
Modified Doggy
How To Do It: Either transition from doggy style down onto your elbows, or start by lying on your stomach, with your partner behind you. Put a pillow under your hips if you need to adjust the angle.
Why It's Great For Beginners: If doggy is too intense for you, this position is softer — but just as sexy. It's also great for any whispering or talking dirty into each other's ears if you'd like to give that a try.
6
Spooning
How To Do It: Get into the spooning position with your hips a bit higher up than your partner's. Lift your top leg slightly so your partner can enter you. If it's an awkward fit, try some lube.
Why It's Great For Beginners: This is a great option for G-spot stimulation, but it's also super comfortable. Once you get the fit right, you can just enjoy it without having to hold yourself up or bend into awkward positions.
7
Cowgirl
How To Do It: Once you're feeling more comfortable and a bit more confident, you can go for full cowgirl. Simple straddle your partner while facing them. Use your hands to help balance yourself, or place your hands on the wall behind the bed for extra support.
Why It's Great For Beginners: You can lean forward, back, bounce, grind, etc. It's a great position for a beginner to learn what they like — and it offers great views and eye contact.
8
Reverse Cowgirl
How To Do It: Get on top of your partner and sit facing their feet. Like Cowgirl, you can use your hands to support yourself and stay balanced by holding on to your legs.
Why It's Great For Beginners: Being on top gives you the opportunity to set the pace and figure out what feels good for you. As Kate Delgado, resident sex educator at sexual wellness company Lioness, tells Bustle, “Your partner will get a lovely view of your backside while you get added stimulation and easy access to your clitoris, all while maintaining control over penetration depth.”
9
Side 69
How To Do It: Both partners lay on their side facing each other while simultaneously giving each other oral sex.
Why It's Great For Beginners: Oral sex, in general, is great for beginners it gives you a chance to discover what your partner likes while you’re giving them pleasure. According to Delgado, “Giving and receiving oral pleasure simultaneously is so versatile and fits into so many different kinds of sex. Whether you and your partner are feeling passionate, playful, or powerful in bed, 69 fits seamlessly into your pleasure and doesn't leave anyone out.”
Anytime, Anywhere
Try your favorite position in another place around the house like the kitchen counter or up against the wall.
When you’re a beginner, it’s perfectly OK to stick to positions you know works for you. According to Delgado, doing your favorite position somewhere else is a great way to keep things fresh. “Missionary on the bed is wonderful, but doing it on the kitchen table or the living room floor can bring just as much novelty and excitement as a new position,” she says.
If you're new to sex, there's no shame in taking your time to figure out what you like. Move slow and follow what feels good. And remember if one way doesn't feel quite right, there are plenty of other easy sex positions to choose from.
Additional reporting by Kristine Fellizar.
Experts
Tristan Weedmark, a global passion ambassador for the sex toy site We-Vibe
Dr. Michael Reitano, MD, physician in residence at sexual health startup Roman
Kate Delgado, resident sex educator at Lioness
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