Relationships

24 Perfect Texts To Send Your Ex, No Matter What The Situation

Including when you need them to stop using your Netflix account.

Bad message. Young black woman looking at smartphone screen with sad face expression, free space
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After you’ve cried in the shower, contemplated a major career change, and came dangerously close to cutting your own bangs, you’re finally ready to reach out to your ex. Whether you’re trying to start things up again or just want them to stop using your mom’s Hulu account, these texts to send an ex can help you navigate the awkwardness.

According to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of Joy from Fear, if you’re thinking of hitting up your ex-partner, it’s important to know why. Are you tired of not being able to send them funny memes and want to start a friendship? Do you still sleep in their shirt and daydream about getting married in a converted warehouse? Are you trying to make out? Whatever the case, being transparent about your intentions before hitting send can help you have a more productive conversation with your ex.

“When you are clear on your goals and needs, you will be able to be clear with your ex on what you are seeking,” Dr. Manly tells Bustle. “If your ex has needs that are aligned with yours, the outcome can be very positive in the short-term and the long-term.”

Here are 24 texts to send an ex, based on the reason you’re reaching out.

If You Want To Eeconnect...

If you’re looking to reconnect in a platonic way (or want to see if they’re still into you) sending a friendly text about a life event or something you used to talk about is an easy way to get the conversation started.

  1. “I finally read that Joan Didion book you were always talking about. Should have known it would be amazing. Hope you’re well.”
  2. “If you’ve be down, I’d love to get a friendly drink soon. It would be nice to hear what you’re up to.”
  3. “Hey, I’ve been looking at your garden on IG, and I’m impressed. I’d love to chat on the phone sometime if you’re down.”
  4. “OK, so the most dad comment of all time, but you popped up on my Linkedin the other day, congrats on the promotion. It’s well deserved.”

If You Need To Apologize...

Breakups don’t always bring out the best in us. But if some time has passed and you’ve changed your perspective, you may want to reach out. If you’re contacting them to apologize, try to keep things short and simple. There’s no need to play the blame game or exchange too many pleasantries — especially if your ex doesn’t want to chat. Express what you did wrong, say you’re sorry, and wish them well moving forward.

  1. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened between us, and I’m sorry for how I acted. You didn’t deserve that.”
  2. “Hey, I just want to say I’m sorry about everything that happened between us. I was really going through it and didn’t communicate well.”
  3. “Hi, I was talking to Claire today and just remembered that summer everything went down. I’m so sorry for how I treated you, and I wish you all the best moving forward.”
  4. “Hey, just wanted to say sorry. I totally blew it when we were together and it wasn’t fair to you.”

When You’re Trying To Hook Up...

If you’re trying to hook up with your ex, keep things short and flirty without going over the top. If you haven’t talked in months, jumping in with a nude may not be the best move.

  1. “OK, I see you finally let your hair grow out. You’re looking good.”
  2. “I’ve been thinking about you lately.”
  3. “I’d love to meet for drinks and see where things go.”
  4. “Are you seeing anyone?”

When You’re Generally Checking In...

Maybe you don’t really know what type of relationship you want with your ex, but you know you miss hearing from them and want to know their vibe. When you’re trying to generally check-in, try sending a casual text about a recent event or a shared experience.

  1. “I’ve been dying to ask, how is your dog? Truly what I miss most.”
  2. “Your mom still sends me recipes for sangria. Please send her my best. How is your family?”
  3. “Hey, what happened with that job you applied for?”
  4. “Hey, I know it’s been a minute but I was thinking about you the other day and just wanted to check-in. No pressure, but I would love to talk on the phone sometime.”

To Get Them Off Your Netflix Account (Or To Get Your Stuff Back)...

In a perfect world, you’d never have to talk to your ex again, but in this world, you may need to get your shoes back. When you’re not trying to chat but you logistically need something from your ex, keep things polite but firm. Ask for what you need and let them know your plans for getting it back.

  1. “Hey, this is a little awkward, but are you still on my family’s HBO Max account? My dad’s been complaining about his shows getting messed up.”
  2. “I’m going to be in your neighborhood next week for a dentist appointment, could you leave my Claire Saffitz book in the mailbox?
  3. “Hi, my mom is switching from Netflix to Hulu...just wanted to let you know to get your last Dawson’s Creek marathons in.”
  4. “Hey, if I Venmo you can you send me the jeans I left at your place? You know how hard it is for me to find pants I like, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

When You Want To End Contact For Good...

If you’re just trying to let the past stay in the past, set your boundaries unapologetically.

  1. “This will be the last text I send you, please respect this boundary.”
  2. “I’m not comfortable talking to you, and am asking you to respect that.”
  3. “I’m not over it and I’m not ready to be friends.”
  4. “I wish you the best, but I don’t think we should be in contact.”

Experts:

Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of ‘Joy from Fear’