Relationships

9 Signs You & Your Partner Aren’t Right For Each Other

Here’s when it’s time to let go.

Are we meant to be together?
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When you have a deep connection with someone, it’s hard to see the signs that you’re not meant to be together. Even if you do recognize those signs, it’s less scary to stay stuck in a not-so-great situation than let a potential soulmate go. So, how do you know whether or not you’re with the right person? Experts say there are some very telling signs you can look out for.

Everyone will feel differently when they do finally meet the person they were meant to be with. But as psychic and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport tells Bustle, there are three basic things you can look out for: an amazing connection, subtle chemistry, and a mental connection.

The amazing connection can make you feel like you've known this person your entire life and the mutual attraction is undeniable. "The connection (not just chemistry) is on another level," Rappaport says. For instance, your interests and your likes and dislikes may be in harmony. This is something that should continue to build from date to date, and should not diminish or wane quickly, she says. The subtle chemistry will make you feel right at home with this person, and the mental connection can make communicating easier.

But when you're not meant to be, it's a totally different story. So here are some fascinating signs signs you're not right for each other, according to experts.

1

You’re Trying Convince Yourself You’re Meant To Be

Let’s say you’ve been with someone for the past five years. You have a lot of key things in common, your friends get along with them, and they’re pretty easy to talk to. Despite all this, there’s just something about the relationship that feels off to you. If you have to try to convince yourself that your partner is “The One,” Rappaport says, chances are, they aren't.

"You may like being with your partner, and the sex may be fabulous, but if the other necessary things you need are not present, they are not it," she says. It’s not a bad idea to take some time to think about what your ideal relationship should look and feel like. If you notice that your current relationship isn’t making you feel a certain way, it may be time to move on.

2

You're In An On-Again, Off-Again Situation

If you and your partner can't quit a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, you may think that you keep coming back together for a reason. But according to Jenna Matlin, clairvoyant intuitive of The Queen of Wands Tarot, that's not necessarily true. "I have done probably about 5,000 readings in the last six years as a full time intuitive and from that I can tell you I have NEVER seen an on-again, off-again relationship work out," Matlin says.

According to her, some people are here to teach us lessons about love. "These lessons may not always be pleasant, but the Universe is infinitely patient and will keep putting the same toxic people (or the same round and round relationships) in our lives until we learn that lesson," she says. But when you finally cut ties with unhealthy situations that really don't make you happy, Matlin says you will find a healthy relationship.

3

You Feel Like You're Not Good Enough For Them

You may feel like you totally lucked out with your partner. But if you don't feel like you deserve them, relationship expert and psychotherapist, Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS, tells Bustle, that could be a sign you’re not meant to be together.

When you're with the right person, you should feel completely comfortable being your true self around them. You just trust that they find you amazing and want to be with you. But if you feel like you have to change who you are or you're afraid that being your true self isn't good enough for them, Mendez says this is a clear sign that you are not meant to be together.

4

You're Not Intellectually Compatible

Chemistry is important in a relationship, but if you and your partner can't challenge each other, they may not be "The One." As relationship coach and expert, Jenna Ponaman, CPC, previously told Bustle, "Intellectual compatibility is when both people are mentally stimulated by the same conversations.” This means that you and your partner can talk about anything and everything from silly things you read online to deeper conversations about life and love.

5

Your Fantasy Of What Your Ideal Partner Is Doesn't Match The Reality

If your partner isn’t meeting your expectations, it’s time to look at the situation realistically. "If you feel like you must change your partner, it is a sign that you weren’t meant to be together," Mendez says.

You can have the same conversation or fight over and over again. But if your partner isn’t committed to changing their ways — whether it’s about how the they treat you, their communication habits, or their lifestyle habits — you’ll either have to accept it or reconsider whether this is the right person for you.

6

Everything Is Good, But They Don't Want A Commitment "Right Now"

There's nothing worse than meeting someone who is perfect for you in every way but tells you that they're not looking for anything serious at the moment. "While you may feel an amazing connection and the chemistry is off the charts, if the person you have just met is not interested in a relationship and you are, they are definitely not 'The One,'" Rappaport says.

If it's meant to be, you and your partner should be in similar places at your life when you meet. "You can never make someone want to be in a relationship if they are not ready or wired in the direction," she says.

7

It's In Your Gut

When you've invested a lot of time and energy into your relationship, it's hard to truly believe that things aren't really working. So the tendency is to tune out those thoughts, put a smile on your face, and pretend that everything is going OK. But it’s important to pay attention to your feelings. "If your gut is telling you that you can’t trust your partner or that they are wrong for you, then it may be time to move on," Mendez says.

Pretending that your partner is perfect for you when they’re not will only keep you stuck in a relationship that’s not meant to be.

8

Your Relationship Drains You

A relationship should add something positive to your life, not stress you out. While relationships aren’t always easy, you should have more good days than bad. “An incompatible partner will leave you energetically drained, no matter how much you love them,” Jeanine Duval, tarot reader and relationship expert, tells Bustle. “A healthy relationship will make you feel good about yourself, whereas an unhealthy relationship will always leave you exhausted.”

If it’s a struggle to communicate, align your schedules, or solve conflicts, these are signs that your relationship may be too much work. Although it’s good to keep fighting for a relationship you truly care about, you have to consider whether it’s actually worth all the effort. If your partner is the biggest source of stress in your life, that’s a sign you’re not meant to be together.

9

The Chemistry Is There, But You Barely Have Anything In Common

A deep attraction and an solid connection are great for the start of a relationship. If you’ve never felt so strongly about someone before, it’s perfectly natural to feel that this person is something truly special. While it’s always a plus to have great chemistry with someone, that can’t be the only thing you two share. According to Rappaport, “If you have nothing else in common such as interests or beliefs, you definitely have not found ‘The One.’” When you’re with the person you’re meant to be with, “not only does the chemistry flow between you, the connection is on other levels and your interests, knowledge base, and likes and dislikes will be in harmony,” she says.

If you’re thinking about having a future with someone, it’s important to be practical. While it’s good to have some differences, it’s hard to maintain a long-term relationship with someone who doesn’t share your lifestyle or values.

Sources & Experts

Davida Rappaport, psychic and spiritual counselor

Jenna Matlin, clairvoyant intuitive of The Queen of Wands Tarot

Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS, relationship expert and psychotherapist

Jeanine Duval, tarot reader and co-founder of Edelwyn

Jenna Ponaman, CPC, relationship coach and expert